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Why I Cried on My Honeymoon

posted 6th February 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Juliana, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

INTRODUCING JULIANA

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

This Anais Nin quote kept popping into my head during the week my new husband and I spent in Asheville, NC for our honeymoon trip. We had planned to spend a few days at a B&B, enjoying each other’s company, vegging out and exerting as little energy as possible.  We had just spent several months planning a wedding, and this would be the first real vacation I’d taken since starting my job about three years ago. I was absolutely, deeply ready for a break.

We chose Asheville for our honeymoon because we wouldn’t have to be tourists there.  I lived in Asheville a few years ago and knew my way around. A dear foodie friend of mine made us a list of new restaurants that had opened up since I’d last been there, so we didn’t even have to think about where to eat. Our honeymoon was going to be wonderful.

Soon, I realized that this trip was different.  Visiting the city always made me feel hopeful and renewed, because it’s a place with an inherent presence, a healing place… but this time it was also making me feel uncomfortable. Here I was, on my honeymoon, surrounded by beauty and creativity, having just spent a gorgeous October day celebrating with family, and it was all I could do to muster more than ennui.

For the last three years, I’ve worked at an office job for the first time in my life. I’m a singer/songwriter, and had been looking for something more stable when I took the job, hoping the consistent cash flow would make it easier, ultimately, for me to work on my music.  I had been…comfortable.

But sitting down for more than 10 hours a day had made me listless and tired, and I’d managed to gain an average of 20 pounds a year, even with a good diet.  I am not a person who was designed to be still. I used to sling coffee and chase babies and sing my heart out.  I used to be made of energy.

Now, in between naps in our gorgeous suite, the thought of going back to Atlanta and sitting at a desk for another year was literally making me burst into tears at random intervals. When Greg, ever perceptive, finally asked me what the heck was wrong with me, I spilled the beans.

“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t wait until I gain another 60 pounds, or have to be medicated for depression, or get ‘discovered’, or burst into flames… I need to pursue this thing.”

We had talked about my leaving my job at some point to pursue music and writing full time, but neither of us knew it would come to the tipping point so soon. I had been fine, working away at a job I enjoyed but was not my passion. I learned a lot at this company, I loved the people there, and was doing OK. I assumed I’d be fine working my creative pursuits in on evenings & weekends like most people.  But I was quickly becoming unwilling to accept mere contentment: I wanted bliss. That night, after a long talk over a fabulous meal, we decided that I would leave my office job in February of 2011.

Four months have gone by faster than I imagined. A few days ago I had to take the first really scary step, which was turning in my notice to my boss. I had concocted all sorts of nightmare scenarios in my head, including one in which I was escorted roughly from the lobby by building security, with coworkers tossing my things out of windows and shouting, “’And Stay Out!’… but thankfully, none of that came to pass.

Instead, my boss told me he was proud of me, and excited that I’d be pursuing something he thought I was really meant for. He gave me his blessing and even left the door open for me to come back if I ever needed to.  I couldn’t have scripted a more lovely way to prepare to leave this place.

Now I’m getting ready to release my third album, and hoping to do a national tour to promote it. I am dreaming big dreams, and taking bigger risks, and hoping that it pays off in the end. I don’t know what will happen, but I know, at the very least, that I will blossom.

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Big Dreams Coming True and Stratejoy Road Trip!!

posted 30th July 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Events, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Molly, Stratejoy the Biz, Travel/Adventure

In my own Joy Map (the cumulative page in the Joy Equation Course), circa 2008,  I wrote,  “Big Picture 10 Year Goals:  2 trips a year, get hitched and have babies, own a green home in Seattle with a garden, piano, and studio, have a vacation cabin in the middle of nowhere, be a Seattle 40 under 40 winner, fluent in Spanish, and roadtrip through the US writing a book about extraordinary women and get it published”.

Pretty large living for a girl who was broke, had a tiny business idea that she was scared to share, and didn’t know a damn thing about actually “making it happen”. I’m a dreamer….  What can I say?

Reality check midway through 2010.

THIS IS MY BIG NEWS!

More details will be coming soon, but I couldn’t keep it under wraps any longer.  The Big Man and I are hitting the road in September in our Honda CRV with a Autohome topper to spread our various messages/passions/livelihoods.   His latest venture’s not completely ready to roll, but here’s the sneak peek!

I’ll be continuing to spread the Stratejoy message by teaching workshops like this and this all over, leading coaching groups over the phone (as well as continuing to work with private clients), working on new product launches, and yes, interviewing inspirational women in their 20′s & 30′s for some sort of book/video project.

Stratejoy hits the road! Woo’ freakin’ Hoo!

Home base will be Stella (the CRV),  various couches, national parks, a hotel room here or there, and perhaps, your guest room?  We’ll be on the road for as long as it’s still fun.  Could be 3 months, could be a year… I won’t be gone, though I may shorten my working week to 3 days, so I can play and explore (offline).  So don’t worry, love.  I’m still just a phone call, email, tweet away.

I cannot wait to meet the Tribe.  I can’t wait to eat local delights, take a million photos, and share the passion I have for living life on OUR OWN TERMS, measured by our own definition of success.  I can’t wait to meet you! And hear your story face-to-face.  And share a coffee, or a glass of wine, or an adventure.

I can’t breathe sometimes.  That’s how excited I am.

So, the question is–   How can you get involved?  Well, I’m going to need an rockstar Street Team to help plan the local events. If you’re interested in bringing a Stratejoy Workshop to your town, EMAIL ME  (molly @ stratejoy [.] com) immediately.  I’ll put you on the “inner circle” list.   In fact- title your email “Inner Circle”!!  Details will be going out soon. And of course, nothing is set in stone yet.  You’re not committing yourself by emailing, just declaring your interest in finding out more!

What are you getting yourself into? Here’s a couple of pics from the event I did in DC !

[[  above  ]]  Kimberly Wilson sharing her awesomeness with the group! She is the creative director and founder of tranquil space – named among the top 25 yoga studios in the world by Travel + Leisure, author of hip tranquil chick and tranquilista, and holds a Master’s in Women’s Studies.  She rocked our socks for 60 minutes.

[[  below  ]]  They look all sweet and innocent, but these ladies just spent the day plotting world domination and major happiness.  The battle cry, “Joy for all” rang out, loud and clear.

Other ways to get involved? If you know (or are) a Quarterlifer with an amazing, inspirational story, email me so I can make sure I plan my route to include an interview with you!   Or if you want to take me out for a cocktail at your favorite bar, email me!  Or if you want to hook me up with your uncle who has the killer beach house and loves house guests, email me! Or, or , or!!!   JxesSDFfdseHEeserRs!!!   Can’t talk.   Too excited.  Channeling @nicoleisbetter.

One of the only sad bits about making this dream come true?  Leaving Seattle for an extended amount of time.  I’m teaching my last local workshop on the 15th and have already said goodbye to my amazing, awesome Club ReFresh girls.  Sniff…

[[  below  ]]   Andria fulfilling one of her big dreams: becoming a pro belly dancer and instructor!  You can take a class with her in Seattle.  I’m SOO in when I get back.   Check it out.

Moral of this rather long post?  Dreams come true. We make our own luck, so get clear about what you want, keep your positive intentions handy, and have faith.  Take a step forward, even when you’re scared.  Don’t be afraid of being brilliant, of your amazing juicy life, or working hard to make it all happen.

And if you need some encouragement, I’m here.  In spirit, on the intraweb, and soon enough, in the flesh.

To the Road Trip!

photo credit : daredarlington

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