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Practicing Passion And Action

posted 24th June 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

Whenever someone is good at what they do, they’re said to have passion. Moreover, when they do something admirable, a firm “Way to take action!” is thrown in their direction.  Passion and action are two things that have driven me my entire life – just not at the same time. Unfortunately, until recently, I didn’t realize that though I was being driven, it was mostly in one big huge circle.

When I was in grade school, I was placed in smart kid classes. They were called “Academically Talented” classes, but the other kids just called them “smart kid classes”.  Of course, when they said “smart kid classes” they’d turn their sarcasm level on high to match the position of their nose in the air. I get more honor out of being in the classes now than I did then because I now realize the importance of intelligence and being recognized for such talents.

Regardless of the lack of due respect from my peers, I still went to the classes. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to be “normal”, “regular”, “average”, even.  I took the action everyday to go to the classes, mostly because I had to. What I was lacking was the passion to make the best of the situation. I could have cared less about what my grades were in that class, because they always got rounded up to A’s.

I continued in the smart kid classes up until my sophomore year in high school. My success in the classes eventually went down the toilet because I never gained passion for being smart. I didn’t want to be. I didn’t look at being in these classes as recognition so much as segregation. Eventually, I was placed where I always wanted to be – with the average kids. As much as I banked on things being better, they weren’t.

5 years later, when I was 22, I found myself in a dead end job. I wanted so much more out of my life. All day long, in place of work, I’d think back to my younger years and remember that I wanted to be a dancer (without the pole), a teacher, and a master of computer repair. I had wished I had more passion. I had plenty of it at 22. I wanted out of that job, out of unhealthy relationships, out of the life slump that I was in. I’d dream of my life being enjoyable, of waking up everyday and wanting to go to a job that I loved.

Unfortunately, with all of this determination, drive and passion, I didn’t take any action at all. I stayed at my dead end job, until I reached the dead end, and I had no where to go.

Over the next 3 years as I went through my Quarter Life Crisis alone before I knew that it even existed, I would teeter between having a lot of passion with no follow through, and a whole lot of action toward a non-existent goal; without passion. I was too down on life and myself to realize that no matter what I did, I still wasn’t happy and that something had to change.

The realization that I had to combine passion and action didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t have an “a-ha” moment – or at least not a dramatic one. Recently, I’ve been trying to do more things that I want to do. If I want to go to bed early, I do. Id I want to look into going to college, I do. If I want to dance naked around my bedroom to Michael Bolton, I do.

In the same light, if I have to do something that I don’t necessarily have the choice to do, like not-so-fun project, or tedious favor for someone, I don’t “just do it”. I get myself into a state of “want to” and realizing that sometimes there are things that you have to do. I inject a little passion into my veins (metaphorically), and I do whatever it is that needs to be done. I’ve noticed that even those mundane things are more fun to do, and the completed project is of much higher quality than it would have been without passion.

It took me 25 years to learn, but the lesson is life changing. My quality of life has increased a boat-load. I do things that I’m passionate about, and I’m passionate about things that I (have to) do.

Passion and Action just go together. Kind of like peanut butter and jelly, pen and paper, and sour cream and…well, anything.

(photo credit: via)

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Chasing Away The Black Cloud

posted 3rd June 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

The last two weeks have been a little rough on my end, as if you couldn’t tell by my most recent two posts [Found here. and here too].

The awesome Molly sent me an e-mail after reading my scheduled post for last week and asked if I needed to talk. The first thing I thought to do was to apologize for the negative posts and offer to write something else a bit more upbeat and cheery. Basically I was offering to put my feelings on the back burner because I was ashamed of them.

Yeah, brilliant idea for someone who is struggling with self-image and self-worth, right? Convince myself that my feelings were shameful, and I shouldn’t feel that way.</Sarcasm>

In falling back into a depressive state, I was challenged.  I was challenged to keep my head on straight, function every day, and hide a lot of my feelings until later in the day when I was alone. It was very similar to being violently ill all day during work and not being able to go home.

You’re miserable, exhausted, and just want your bed, but you have to work all day long.

Two weeks later from the onset of my near emotional collapse, I’m feeling much better. I’m not as hopeless, and emotionally crazy as I was two weeks ago. The “bad case of the blues” passed much quicker than it typically does, and this is absolutely due in part to a list that I made of things that I was going to focus on. If you’re anything like me, having things down in a list is a magical thing.Staring those “to-do”‘s in the face gives me the drive to complete them. I wanted to share a few of the things that I did in hopes that if you find yourself having a tough week or even day, that these things may work for you too.

Schedule in some “Feel Bad” Time

There’s only one thing for certain when you’re feeling depressed/sad/mad – and that’s that you’re feeling depressed/sad/mad. Denying that is not only lying to yourself but it’s also not allowing yourself to feel what you want to feel.

“Just get happy” doesn’t work. At the same time, many of us have to put on that happy face for our jobs or even family members. This is completely fine, but make sure you allow yourself an hour or so later on in the day where you allow yourself to sit with your feelings. Whether you want to talk them over with a friend is up to you, but give yourself the permission to feel whatever emotions your heart wants to.

Don’t wait for clarity – Create it.

I’m the kind of person who revels in moments of complete and total clarity. These anticipated moments come at random times. Sometimes it happens when I’m sitting in a noisy bar with friends. Other times, it’s right before I fall asleep. It’s happened while seeing the Center City skyline at night. In these moments, I feel clear and at ease. I could sit with myself and that feeling forever, but it often fades when I come back down to earth.

One of my problems recently, is that these moments haven’t been occurring. I’m always worried about something or someone, and that moment of clarity…it just isn’t coming.  I got angry waiting for it. That anger did absolutely nothing for me except ruin my mood even more. That’s the thing with life, sometimes these moments don’t come willingly. Sometimes, you have to create them.

Practice creating clarity by manually clearing your mind, instead of waiting for your mind to clear itself. Personally, I visualize all of my problems circling my head as if my brain is juggling them. One by one, I flick each one away from my head, and when the final problem is gone, I just sit with that feeling of being free from worry. Even if it just lasts a few moments, it’s enough to get me through and reset my mind a bit.

Write. Write. Write. Write. WRITE

I sometimes avoid writing when I’m feeling yuck-tastic. Mostly, because I’m afraid of what’s going to come out. Recently, I’ve been pushing myself to start writing when I’m feeling crappy. Sometimes, all that’s come out has been “I have absolutely nothing to say, I’m feeling horrible today.” I go back, read that sentence, and I find myself asking “Why do you feel horrible?” At which point, I fill in the blank with an answer. “…I’m feeling defeated. The project that I was banking on was given to someone else. I really thought I had it in the bag, but apparently I wasn’t good enough, and the other person was better.” 9 times out of 10, I end up putting myself in a third-person position, and I inspire the hell out of myself without even realizing it. Before too long, I find my brain turning to think as if I were giving someone the advice and forgetting that it’s actually me.

Maybe this won’t happen to you, but at the very least, you get these feelings out into the open. It’s kind of like throwing up after you’ve drank so much. You have all of that toxic stuff inside of you, and once you get it out, you feel so much better. Throwing up or writing about your issues isn’t the easiest thing, but that yucky stuff is often better out than in.

If Nothing Else – Treat Yourself

These haven’t been the easiest last few weeks. It’s really taken a lot out of me, but I’m recovering well. I’ve been very kind to myself, and given myself extra treats (like concert tickets to see Maroon 5 and Dave Matthew’s Band).  I’ve let myself sleep an extra hour in the morning and take a little extra long shower. I bought a case of soda, which I’ve been trying to give up on, but have been craving.  I’m forgiving myself for little mistakes that I’ve made, and being gentle to not put myself in situations that I know will be uncomfortable.

I’m focusing a lot more on myself, and I feel a bit better. I think my mind and body really were just begging for attention. Boy are they getting it.

When you’re feeling down and out, what do you do? Treat yourself to anything special?

*photo credit: [via]


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Choosing Happiness with the Magic Underwear Trick

posted 2nd March 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: All Posts, Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

One of the main reasons I love personal blogs is that I’m fascinated with people’s private lives. I feel like how you act at home is the truest reflection of who you are, and I just can’t get enough of reading about other people’s lives and watching their video blogs and clicking on their Twitpics.

Which is to say, I’m Nicole and I’m a voyeur and I don’t care because it’s so fun and I just can’t help it and the internet makes it so damn easy.

You know what I love the most? The details.

Like, what do you and your husband have for dinner? Do you cuss a lot? What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you like hiking on the weekends? What color are your walls? And on and on.

My home life, in case you’re just as much of a voyeuristic stalker, is a combination of Trader Joe’s and writing and Snuggies and a wood burning fire place and dancing on the counter to mashup music and wearing my hair in a side ponytail and watching stand up comedy online and I don’t have a husband but my roommate and I eat a lot of pasta for dinner and of course I cuss like crazy and I listen to Bedrock by Young Money when I first wake up and sure hiking sounds fun and my walls are like a sage-ish green.

I think that things like this, the details of our lives, reveal what our values are and what’s most important to us. How we spend our personal time is what defines us, and one of the most defining things about my home life right now (and therefore my life in general), is that I spend the majority of my time at home wearing nothing but a sports bra and boy short underwear.

I know that probably sounds totally bizarre and you’re all, “Wait, what?” but here’s the thing: it’s all about building confidence.

Overall, I think this small act has less to do with being almost naked and more to do with the fact that I’m really just trying to close the gap between who I am and who I want to be, and who I want to be is a woman who’s so overwhelmingly comfortable with her own body that feeling otherwise isn’t an option.

We all do things like this, right? Things that make us feel good and emphasize the fact that even if our over-scheduled lives try to make it otherwise, happiness is something that can’t be dispensable. And I really believe that happiness, the purest happiness, is completely self-defined and that all we need to do is figure out what makes us kick and then run with it, and run hard.

Happiness is a choice. Confidence is a choice.

And lately I’ve been choosing both by jumping around my apartment in my underwear while listening to live versions of John Mayer on YouTube, making tomato sauce, and checking myself out in the mirror. That’s how I’m choosing happiness, choosing confidence…

Your turn.

photo credit: Annie Mole

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Choosing the Nontraditional Path

posted 20th August 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

Books(This week I posed a question to Andrea, Kendra, Robyn & Marisa- When you were small, what did you want to be when you grew up?  How has this played into your life?  And perhaps the more appropriate question for a Quarterlife Crisis: What do you want to be when you grow up? xoxo  Molly)

I had the lineage of the Presidency memorized when I was 13. I even knew all of the First Ladies. I knew their terms of service, certain unique facts about both people and info about their pets.

I know, NERD ALERT.

I was teased, yes, but that was middle school and I hope I’m not the only who thought those years were shit because let’s face it, they were.

At that time I wanted to be the first female President but this was before I discovered 18th & 19th century British Literature, Film and Art. I found an identity in Literature growing up–a bond to this day that hasn’t been broken. Now I don’t necessarily want to be a professional writer per se.  It was the literature, the characters, the vernacular and the way authors used the English language that captured my imagination and helped me to escape into eras, decades, and different worlds. It’s why I studied English Lit. for my B.A. and why I literally live in a house of books.

I didn’t really have any concrete career ambitions as child; I wanted to be my New Mexican/Tex-Mex Barbie that my parents bought since it was the only one that was Hispanic and had long black hair like me. I wasn’t quite sure what being a Barbie entailed while being six years old, but I knew I loved her clothes and that was enough for me.

It wasn’t until I saw Moulin Rouge that I had my first real career dream. I wanted to be a costume designer. I researched everything about that film including Catherine Martin (costume designer and wife to BRILLIANT director, Baz Lurhmann) and her efforts to create such a fantastic and amazing reality with clothes. I researched schools, programs and started costume projects. I worked at JoAnn’s Fabrics at the time and took full advantage of my employee discount and subsequently became broke with every paycheck.

So why am I not a costume designer right now?

That’s an easy one. I used to be someone who didn’t really believe in “dreams”. I had them, sure…  I just didn’t think they were obtainable. I grew up with a practical, traditional way of looking at things. Life as my parents defined it didn’t really leave room for “dreams”.

Practical Path: Go to school, finish school with a practical degree, get job with said finished school degree, and stay with job. Work at job, get married, have kids, yada yada yada.

I don’t prescribe to that way of thinking anymore.

Since encountering my Quarterlife Crisis, I live my life with a different train of thought. My expectations are completely different now.

I expect to live my life with happiness, maybe with a new career, maybe with new people, who knows…  I have many interests and passions that could make me happy doing almost anything now.  I think I could be happy with many paths.

Growing up with such a defined or basic view of a life-path played into who I was at school and how I treated my life.  Now? I’ve accepted the nontraditional path since I know I can’t control everything and will never be able to.

What do I want to be now… good question!  It’s a Catch 22 of sorts. I have an opportunity to do anything I really want and I’ve taken advantage of that to an extent. I have no serious commitments, am totally mobile and have few responsibilities. I am, however, stuck in unemployment for the moment during a recession where I get one phone call for every 50 or so jobs I apply for now.

I’ve deduced something very important during this Quarterlife crisis. I want to be happy. This is my first and far most important priority during this journey. I can work anywhere really in order to pay the bills, but as long as I keep happiness a priority, I’ll be able to excel in my passions and interests and keep and create new career opportunities.

It’s all about being positive I’ve found out….  Otherwise, why waste the effort?

marisa-bio1

photo credit: 2fs

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When I Grow Up, I’ll Be Happy

posted 18th August 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Kendra, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

nogrownups(This week I posed a question to Andrea, Kendra, Robyn & Marisa- When you were small, what did you want to be when you grew up?  How has this played into your life?  And perhaps the more appropriate question for a Quarterlife Crisis: What do you want to be when you grow up? xoxo  Molly)

Adults love to ask little kids what they want to be when they grow up.

It is a strange tendency, if you think about it. Small children can’t even come close to being able to express a clear answer based on skills, interests, temperament and professional knowledge.  Heck, even most adults can’t.

Adults, I think, ask this question for one of two reasons.

The first, and the more insidious, is because in our “success” oriented culture we want kids to start thinking about their futures early. While this has its benefits, it’s also a form of social conditioning that trains us to be still more future focused. We forget early how to embrace the moment and instead keep our eyes on the carrots held by society’s sticks.

The second reason I think adults enjoy asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up is because children often respond with some of the cleverest, funniest, most interesting answers to what we as adults often find a weighted question. 

littlekendraWhen I was a kid I wanted to be (in order from youngest to oldest): a doctor, a lawyer, president of the United States and a superhero. The older I got, oddly enough, the more fantastical my career aspirations became.

I remember fervently praying to god in French class, my sophomore year of high school, for super powers, or at the very least, the ability to create my own bat cave with the necessary technologies. I was a bizarrely spiritual kid with a strong attraction to the mystical side of the Catholic faith in which I was raised.

This is my explanation, fifteen years later, as to how I could possibly believe that God would give me super powers.Faced with transubstantiation and the dead rising, how hard could a little thing like super powers be? I promised to keep them a secret.

I wanted super powers because for as far back as I can remember I was aware of human suffering and desperately wanted to end it. Given the vastness of the situation- environmental degradation, hunger, poverty, war- I quickly realized that it would take super human efforts to fix the problem. And while fifteen years later, I no longer pray to God for superpowers to help me fix the problem, this strong desire to make the world better has played a role in both my career and personal life.

Beyond my graduate school studies in sustainable development and my decision to pursue a career, in part, in environmental policy, I’ve found that I have a difficult time relating to people who don’t seem to recognize the connections between their life choices and the larger problems of the world. My friends and “special friends” all tend to be motivated by more than money or interests, but also by a larger sense of connection to people and the planet.

What does that mean as I face once again the question of who I want to be when I grow up?

Beyond helping to color the kinds of activities I’m willing to engage in, not much. I’m more motivated these days by the sentiment represented in this quote:

“When I was in grade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.”

More than anything, what I want to be when I grow up is happy.

Not the kind of happiness that’s represented in television commercials by an endless parade of smiles, and writhing hips, set to a kicking soundtrack…  Rather, a deeper sense of contentment based on strong connections to loved ones, to my work, and to society as a whole.

This is why I am actively seeking work that I find personally meaningful that also contributes to society and why I am moving home to be closer to family and friends.

kendra-bio1

photocredit: eatbitter

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