Archive

My 30th Birthday, A Clean Slate, and Striving for Perfection

posted 11th October 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

I’ve always been a sucker for the first day of school.   January 1st.  A clean slate…  But is my adoration and reliance on new beginnings actually useful?

The hook of the fresh start is apparent.  They make me feel powerful, like no matter what I did yesterday, tomorrow holds possibility for redemption, for finally being the “me” I know I can be.  Like somehow I haven’t been awesome enough or accomplished enough or kept on track enough in the last while, but now’s my chance– because it’s a new month!  A new year!  A new business or house or adventure!

I find myself thinking “This time I’ll really commit to blah, blah, blah.  This time I’ll do it!”

But here’s the thing.

1.  Usually, I’m holding myself to unreasonable expectations or striving to check off too many changes at once. So when I fail to meditate one day or wear jeans and sneakers for the 4th day in a row or don’t reply to email within 24 hours, I feel like a failure. (Speaking of snappy response time….  Catherine?  Becca?  Chelsea? Several others out there?  I know I owe you phone calls, heartfelt emails, responses to questions left hanging.  I’m sorry I’m behind and I hope you know I adore you and am not ignoring you!)

2.  Usually, I’m relying on sheer willpower to make things happen.  If I just set great, supercharged goals and make myself do them, I’m all set!  That’s all I have to do!  That’s what runs through my head at the start of those clean slates: I’ll just MAKE MYSELF do it!  But what happens when I’m tired, or unmotivated, or restless?  What happens when my best effort on a single day isn’t that amazing, earth-shattering, or life-changing?  What happens when I simply can’t make myself do it one day?  I ruin my “good streak” and feel like I’m back at square one.

3. Usually, I’m trying to become some turbo-charged superwoman. I’ve always tried to do my best, but something about a fresh start (however arbitrary it may be) makes me want to be bigger, better, more remarkable.  More “perfect” perhaps…   I slip into the mode of thinking I’m not good enough, that there is room for improvement in who I am and what I do.  It’s a self-defeating pattern because striving for perfection is harmful, not helpful.  There is no such thing as perfection!   I forget about all the wonderful things I already am and do, and concentrate on what I’m “lacking”.

So, what’s a motivated, personal-growth fan to do when you take away new beginnings?  When I realize that my entire life is a clean slate?

Well, I’ll tell you!  Cause I’m cutting myself off from the lure of a fresh start.  Life is NOW.  I am NOW.

Each moment is a chance to be present. Each moment offers us a choice about how we’re reacting to the stories in our head, whether we’re going to drink that third glass of wine, if we have the time to help the older couple carry their luggage upstairs.  Each time we conquer a self-limiting belief or take a step outside our comfort zone, we’ve celebrated a fresh start!  By tuning into the moment-to-moment of our own life, we find chances for new beginnings in every decision we make.

There are opportunities for grace and growth in each day. It’s powerful to have long term goals, but appreciating the small joys and tears in the day-to-day is equally important. Whether it’s an action-packed, moving forward day or a low-key, reconnecting with myself day or a let’s play pretend and wear costumes to brunch day,  or a mournful, angry day full of old yearbook gazing– each of those is part of our experience.  What will you learn from those small moments?  How will they change your reality?

I am already enough. Life is not measured in external validation.  The most amazing gift we can give to ourselves and others, is to realize that our life and our contribution is unique.  That there’s always room to shine brighter or develop healthier habits or reach more people, but at our core- We are enough.  Holding to that belief, and living a life of integrity is infinitely more fulfilling than checking off boxes.

As many of you heard, it was my 30th Birthday last Wednesday.  That’s a pretty big fresh start for this clean slate ex-junkie…. So what did I commit to for my new decade?

Being more Me.

That is all.  And that is everything.

p.s. Want to experience Stratejoy (and me!) in person? Registration is up for Portland, Maine and Philadelphia and Baltimore!

p.p.s. I’m starting the amazing Declaration of You eCourse with Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift on October 25th! A girls gotta do her own personal work, ya know? Want to come along? I’d love to see you over there, rocking out with me!  Come on. DO IT!  Let’s make our Declaration!

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Apartment Hunting… Not So Fun

posted 26th May 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2

I’m in the middle of apartment hunting, and I’ve realized something.  It sucks.  Especially when you’re apartment hunting in another state.

Did I mention that I’m moving to Seattle? Yep, I sure am.  The fiancé is starting his pediatrics residency at a hospital up there, and we’re making a permanent move (well, at least three years) come the end of June.

In some ways, I’m super excited. I’ve always wanted to spend time in the Pacific Northwest and can’t wait to explore the outdoors and revel in the greenery.  I grew up in Las Vegas, so the idea of being somewhere that trees grow naturally is pretty fantastic.  (Not to mention, I get to meet the fabulous Molly up close and in person!)

Though, in other ways, I’m kind of freaked out about this move. For one, we are yet to decide on an apartment.  We’ve lived in the same apartment for over six years.  And we have the most amazing neighbors ever.  Seriously.  No one has moved in or out of our building since we first got here.  We know everyone personally.  We borrow eggs, hang out in the evenings and get baked goods brought to our door by the pastry chef downstairs. How do you compete with that?

I have my share of gripes about the place that I currently live.  The apartment is small and it’s old and, let’s be honest, the landlord doesn’t maintain it all that well.  What makes up for these shortfalls is that the neighbors are freaking stellar, the neighborhood is safe, and we’re within walking distance of pretty much everything we could need in the city (while still living in a residential area).

Oh, and did I mention it’s like the cheapest apartment in all of Pasadena?

I’ll be sad to leave.

But I’ve wanted to get out of the Los Angeles area for a while now.  So I’m ready for this.  Now we just have to find a place to live.

We took one trip to Seattle already.  The trip went okay, but we didn’t find a complex that fit both our budget and our taste.  Bummer.  (For the record, we’re completely used to this.  We do live in Pasadena, after all.)  So we set it aside for a while and decided to wait until closer to moving day.  At this point, we’re officially back full force in the apartment search.

And let me tell you, it’s not fun.

I’m likely being difficult because, prior to the apartment where I currently live, I’ve had some pretty bad experiences.  I’ve had my share of ridiculously noisy neighbors, parking nightmares and poor maintenance.  And I’ve moved a lot.  I’m pretty much done with the life of my younger self.  I like having roots, knowing my neighbors and feeling like I live in a true community.

Steven’s residency is three years, and I have every intention of moving into a place and not moving out until the residency is done.  I just don’t have the energy I once had to pack up my things and move in case the living situation doesn’t fit our ideal.

Right now, I’m scouring the internet for apartment listings and talking with friends about recommended neighborhoods.  I was feeling pretty good about our search.

Well, that is, until I started reading the online reviews about apartment complexes.  And that took me down an entirely different path.  Pretty much every apartment complex, with the exception of those completely out of our price range, has received dismal ratings.  Ugh.

Once again, ignorance was bliss.  Back to reality.

So that’s what I’m somewhat obsessed with at the moment.  And I’m sort of feeling frustrated (not to mention, pretty darn unmotivated).  But I’m doing it anyway.

Wish me luck (I think I’m going to need it).

photo credit: rutlo

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Following My Heart, or the Benefits of Being Selfish

posted 4th March 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Katie, Season 2, Tips & Tools, Travel

I’m breaking the news to my family and friends of my move gradually.

Did I tell you guys yet? No? Oh, well, I’m moving.

If you did know this already, and you’re thinking “Yeah, Katie, we know you’re moving in February 2011″– you’re only half right. I’m moving, but much sooner than expected. Much sooner as in, within 2 months.

You could say, I’m following my heart.

Some of my friends are relatively happy about it. The majority are experiencing nothing short of surprise in epic proportions. To most of my friends I’ve become known as the girl who has big ideas, makes big plans,  but does nothing with them.

I’m really good at starting things. From spring cleaning, to a new life direction, to journals, I’ve developed a certain level of appreciation for starting things fresh and new. It’s my own personal way of alleviating past mistakes and starting with a clean slate.

However great I am at beginning, I lack the follow-through necessary to create lasting experiences. No matter how good it feels to start things, they only remain “brand new” for so long until it feels old, used, and no longer worth dedicating time to. Even during the duration of the Joy Equation, I had a very difficult time committing time to myself everyday to do self-discovery. As I mentioned before, I expected myself to fail, and it was starting to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because of this unfortunate habit of mine, no one really believes that I’m moving.

Even more, they believe that they can simply offer me an alternative solution that will keep me in my home state forever. How convenient for them, but really it’s an open invitation for me to not follow through on yet another set of plans.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that their ideas weren’t tempting:

“Move in with me!”

“Move in with your aunt!”

“Just grin and bear it!”

Yes, they all sound like perfectly great ways to stand still for the rest of my life. I’ve realized that I don’t want to stand still anymore. I want to move – not only in physical location, but emotionally, mentally, and in any other way one can move; that is, in every way but backwards.

I’m leaving a lot behind in New Jersey. my family, my friends, my car, my apartment, my life. In following my heart, I’m leaving it all behind to start fresh. One of my friends got very emotional when I told him that I was moving. “Why are you being so selfish?” he said. I was speechless and really gave his accusation some thought.

Was I being selfish?  Should I be thinking more about my family and friends and their needs?

Like any awesome Generation-Y person, I instantly Googled “Selfish” prepared for some slap in the face definition that would make me realize that I was wrong, and that my true destination shouldn’t be miles away. I found this:

selfish -\ˈsel-fish\ Holding one’s self-interest as the standard for decision making.

That just solidified my decision. Shouldn’t we all be a little selfish? Try it, you just might like it.

As many of us tend to do, I’ve lived a majority of my life attempting to please others. I’m a people pleaser, which tends to be my biggest appeal and my biggest downfall. After twenty-five years of putting other’s needs and wants before mine, I want to give myself a chance. My heart has been on the backburner for such a long time, it’s just begging to be able to do what it wants to do for once.

For the first time, I’m going to listen.

One of my most difficult parts of the Joy Equation for me was the realization that I was not able to remember the last time I felt happy. I wasn’t able to answer the simple question of “Describe in detail how you feel when you are happy.”

(Hey, Molly, ask me again what makes me happy. Ask me one more time how I feel when I’m happy.)

Whenever I imagine my life according to my terms, I feel this sense of exhilaration. I feel like my world is much bigger, and my possibilities are endless. My heart races, a smile comes on my face, and I’m excited to transfer money into my savings account for the move which I have appropriately named “Road to Happiness Account”.

In these moments I am happy. In these moments I feel whole. It feels amazing not only to have life coming straight at me, but to be walking towards it with open arms.

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