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I Am Strong, Capable, and Beautiful

posted 15th January 2012    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

There are a few things that I wish I’d known before I started traveling. The first, of course, is about the disconnect that I wrote about recently; apparently, that’s not an uncommon phenomenon. The second is that I wish someone had told me that I was going to put on weight.

Six months ago, I was probably in the best shape of my life. I was doing yoga regularly, drinking plenty of water and rarely consuming alcohol, and eating foods in response to my body’s needs (plenty of fruits and vegetables, protein as I craved it, no dairy or gluten). I’d finally dropped weight that hadn’t wanted to go, and I felt good in my own skin for the first time in years.

Once I got on the road, though, it was hard to maintain this routine. I haven’t been able to find (m)any yoga classes that I like as much as the ones at my old studio in New York, and it’s been hard to practice at home since I’ve been sharing a room. Though I’ve done my best to eat reasonably healthy food, I also tend to stick with the diets in the places I’m staying – and especially at the farms, that’s meant a lot of bread. (And when it’s not at the farms, it’s meant a lot of meat, especially in Central Europe. My love for that region knows no bounds, but cucumber and tomato – out of season, no less – do not a salad make.) I often haven’t been drinking enough water; I don’t relish using the bathrooms on overnight trains, for one.

The point of all of this is that when I recently saw myself in a full-length mirror for the first time in a few months, it was HARD. It’s tough to write that, because I feel absurd for even thinking it. The fact of the matter is, though, that I have a challenging time seeing myself as attractive.

I’m able to look at things rationally and see that my body is strong and capable. I can do yoga. I ran a 5K in June without training for it, and I was really happy with my time. I walk all over the damn place, including to the top of clock towers and such – even though I’m afraid of heights. I’m learning to play lacrosse because I might be competing in a tournament in Budapest – just because I can. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to look at myself and say that I’m beautiful, though, and putting back on weight that I lost a year ago doesn’t help.

In yoga, we talk about saṃskāras, or mental and emotions patterns. I like to picture them as the squiggly ridges on my brain, each groove representing a thought pattern that I developed over time. This one about beauty is very much present and accounted for, though I have no idea where it began. All I know is that it’s been reinforced over years of ex-boyfriends pointing out “flaws” in my body, of seemingly not being noticed by the men I find attractive, of constantly telling myself over and over that I’m not pretty enough.

It’s an awful way to exist.

I realized something important as I looked into the full-length mirror a few weeks ago. As I saw myself standing there, extra pounds and all, I finally understood the yogic practice of ahimsa. It’s often translated as non-violence, and it’s the reason why many yogis don’t eat meat. I’ve also heard it translated as compassion, though, and that day, something clicked. I’d always thought about compassion being directed externally – be kind to others, etc. – and then it hit me: practicing compassion needs to be internal, too. It seems like a simple thing, and yet, it’s really not, at least for me. How can I be a compassionate person when every day, I tell myself that I’m unattractive or not enough? How is it okay to look at my body and think horrible thoughts about my appearance?

So, here it goes: I am strong, capable, and beautiful.

Writing that feels difficult and vulnerable. It’s hard to read, and even tougher to believe. But you know what? I can’t keep telling myself awful things and expecting others to see me differently, though. Changing this thought pattern needs to start with me, right now.

How can you treat yourself with greater compassion?

[photo credit: me!]

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Packing a Suitcase of Oprah Wisdom

posted 13th July 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Laura, Season 4, What I've Learned

It’s hard to believe that my journey on Stratejoy is nearing its conclusion. I’ve gained so much from having to look inward and consistently come up with something introspective to share. That habitual pattern is the main reason I wanted to be a Stratejoy blogger in the first place. I knew it would be good for me to show up here, for you, every week, and to follow along as five other amazing women did the same.

But as the six-month ride comes to a close, I’m planning on taking a bit of an Internet break. For a little while at least, I’ll be replacing the time I’d normally spend with you with reading a book or journalling instead. To prepare for that, I’ve been trying to think of a few pieces of wisdom to take with me. A few self-care reminders to write on my whiteboard and keep top of mind, even if I’m not “working on myself” with the same formality that connecting with the Stratejoy tribe has given me.

It feels a bit like deciding what to pack in my suitcase for a vacation. Bring enough, but not too much. There’s room for some comforts from home, but not all of them. And so, I’m packing four pieces of advice in particular.

As cheesy as it my sound, some of my favourite nuggets of Oprah wisdom are what’s making it into the suitcase. They’re not lessons I specially gained from all of you. They’re not Molly-isms. Hell, they’re not even Laura-isms. Rather, they’re just things that feel like the right comforts to bring along this time.

They are:

1. Lead from where you are. Countless success stories began with someone doing the best they could, from wherever they were. I’d like to think I’ve done this throughout my adult life, at least from time to time, but I want to embody it even more. Ask the questions no one else is asking, be confident, and believe in the infinite potential of human beings. Those are three ways I will be leading from where I am.

2. Project your compassion, not your ego. Or as I sometimes like to put it, “wear someone else’s shoes.” But while I’ve been preaching this for a long time, it can be really challenging to practice. It’s easy to get wrapped up in how I’m feeling, what I want, what I think I deserve, the way I see things, and the things I want to have. And yes I know, it’s pretty easy for any of us to do that; we’re human. But the key word here for me is “project“. It reminds me that having selfish thoughts and projecting them onto others are two different things. So too are having compassion for others and showing it.

3. Take responsibility for your energy. As an energy-sensitive gal, I can’t even tell you how much love I have for these five words. I feel like so often, we underestimate the impact our energy has on others. For me, this is about remembering that we’re all interconnected. Whether we’re smiling, or our brow is furrowed, or we’re flustered, or breathing quickly – the energy and feelings behind those expressions leak out into the spaces we’re in and affect everyone else who’s in that space. Powerful stuff.

4. Listen. If for no other reason than everybody wants to be heard. Instead of jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, and judging people, I’m going to try to pause. Ask questions. Listen to what is said. Listen to what’s not being said. I believe that listening is one of the most valuable things we can do for ourselves and others. I also believe it’s way easier said than done.

As a few of the Stratejoy girls have talked about this season, we’ve all got a lot goin’ on. A lot of choices, a lot of joy, a lot of goals, and a whole lot of dreams and desires. And while I give all of us mad props for having crazy amounts of passion, ambition and self-awareness, I’m realizing more and more the value of quieting my mind. Maybe for a moment. Maybe for a day. Maybe for a moment several times every day. That’s what I hope these four gems help me do, and that’s why they make it into the suitcase this time.

{Photo credit}

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5 Ways to Give

posted 7th January 2011    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Inspiration, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Tips & Tools

I spent a lot of my free time in high school and college spending my Thanksgivings feeding the homeless, reading to children and dunking my sorority sisters to collect money for various organizations.  But the reality now is that I am short on two things: time and money.  And I know my situation is not unique.  Now that the holidays are over and the toy and food drives are coming to an end, here are 5 ways you can continue to give–and they won’t cost you a dime.

Surf the web.  You probably spend a good portion of your week online searching for random things so why not use the search engine www.GoodSearch.com which donates 50% of its advertising revenues for every search conducted through its website.

Sell your stuff. I am constantly purging my drawers and closets to create more space in our small home.  I usually try to dump everything on Craigslist, but next time I think I’ll try Ebay’s Giving Works.  This special portion of their site allows you to sell your items and choose how much of your profit you would like to donate to charity.  Win-win.

Tweet and blog about your favorite causes.  The best way to generate interest in anything is by word of mouth.  Tweet or blog about your favorite charities and how they change the world.  If you inspire at least one person to donate some money, that can make a big difference.

Do You.  Are you a web or graphic designer?  Offer a free site or logo makeover to your favorite local charity.  Love to paint or draw?  Create a piece of work to be used in their next fundraising campaign.  Maybe you’re a master pianist.  Why not offer to teach a few piano lessons at the local children’s home?

Be You.  Hold open the door for the old lady behind you.  Shovel your neighbor’s walk.  Pay for the coffee of the person in front of you.  Smile at passersby.  Send a nice text or email to someone you haven’t talked to in a long time.  Just be your kind, generous, compassionate self.

Giving doesn’t have to be done with grand gestures and fanfare.  It is as much about the little things as it is about the big things.  What really matters is the love and intention inside of your heart and how you share the pieces of you.  Believe me, that is what truly makes the world a better place.

(photo credit)

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Love Is My Religion

posted 26th November 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Spirituality, What I've Learned

I don’t know how to have this conversation without offending someone.  (Aren’t religion and politics like, the top two things you shouldn’t talk about if you want to keep your friends?) If this were my personal blog, it would be a different story.  But it’s not.  And though I take pride in telling my truth, my whole truth, and nothing but my truth, I’m afraid that this post will fall short.  And so this is what I have to give.

 

 

 

Love is my religion.  Compassion is my religion.  Connection, Openness, Tolerance, Graciousness are my religion.

 

I have faith that as long as I try my best to be loving to all in this life, then I will either:

1.  Become something other than a dung beetle in my next life

2.  Read peacefully in heaven

3. Die knowing I was a good person

I believe that the world is my church.  That the mountains are my altar, the ground is my pew and the raindrops are my angels.  And each of you sing in the choir.

(photo credit)

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Defining My Values

posted 21st August 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Renee, Season 3, Spirituality

I completed the Joy Equation in February 2010.  As part of Week One, I was instructed to identify my eight core values. This was new territory for me.  My values?  No one has ever asked about my values. The only time I ever hear the word “values” is when the religious right shouts about “family values” which is really just a band-aid for bigotry. I had to warm up to the word. What are my values?

At first, with my Catholic background, I thought about the Beatitudes, from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land.
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’s shake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
(Matthew 5:3-10)

Peace? Yeah, okay, that sounds good. Justice? Sure. Merciful? Acceptable. Poor in spirit? Meek? Mourning? I get it, but those aren’t my values. I don’t want to lie down at the end of each day and ask myself, “Renee, were you poor in spirit today?” It doesn’t seem motivating.

I had to dig deeper. My Catholicism still clenched me in its grasp. I thought about the seven spiritual works of mercy.

1. Instruct the ignorant.
2. Counsel the doubtful.
3. Admonish sinners.
4. Bear wrongs patiently.
5. Forgive offenses willingly.
6. Comfort the afflicted.
7. Pray for the living and the dead.

Ah! Here we go. Teach. Counsel. Console. Forgiveness. Compassion. Patience. Peace. We’re getting closer. Thanks, St. Thomas of Aquinas, for teaching me about mercy.

The Joy Equation states, “Our core values are the habits of our heart.” What makes my heart cry out? What moves me to action? What would I fight to for the right to enjoy and experience?

I narrowed down a long, long list with notes in the margins reminding myself “not what I should choose, rather what resonates with me.” Finally, I came up with eight. And then I defined them.

Honesty – Being honest with myself and others, telling the truth, saying what I mean, and always having good, open communication.

Peace – Being at peace with myself, things in my life that I can’t change, and cutting back on the arguing to focus on the greater good. “Good enough is good enough.” –Jane Fonda

Love – Keeping love in my heart and showing it at all times, making everyone feel special and worth of my time. Radiate Love.

Patience – Knowing what matters enough to stress me out and what’s not worth my worries. Keeping my temper in check. Taking deep breaths and going slowly. Keep calm and carry on.

Joy/Humor – Smiling and laughing more than frowning and crying. Finding humor in unfavorable situations. Being able to laugh at myself. Enjoying the company of others. Finding my fun.

Compassion – Knowing when others need my help, a second chance, or a compromise. Putting myself in others’ shoes. Being flexible to accommodate the needs of others when they need it most.

Passion – Recognizing the drive I need to go after what I want. Taking life by the horns. Fearlessly pursuing the things I love. Making time to do things for me.

Authenticity – Knowing what’s best when I need it most. Staying true to myself. Putting my needs first. Taking time to fix #1. Not compromising my values. Doing what I need to do. Not being fake. Giving 100% all the time but knowing what 100% is.

When you wrap up my values and put a pretty bow on them, you can see the Beatitudes and spiritual works of mercy trickling through them… but you can also see my liberal arts education and my ferocious feminism. I can tell where I’m trying to reel in my Type A, Arian personality, trying to cool off my fire sign. I can tell where I’m trying to open my heart just a little more, to soften my rough edges and let a little more light in.

There’s something empowering about naming your values and doing your best to adhere to them, something very tenacious and gritty that I love.  It makes for one hell of a personal journey.

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