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Yes.

posted 8th January 2011    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Family, Life Lesson, Renee, Season 3

Right now, right at this very moment, I’m grateful for my soft couch, my space heater, my fleece blanket, and my giant supply of tea to get me through this cold.  But most of all, throughout my life, I’ve always been grateful for the opportunities I’ve had. In my 24 years, I’ve done some pretty cool things.   I’m grateful that my parents always supported me, emotionally and financially growing up. And now that I’m on my own, I’m grateful that my husband supports even my wildest decisions and ideas.

I’m grateful that I can talk about “the time I lived in Italy” and “when Chelsea Clinton and I hung out” and “my first semester of grad school.”  These are experiences that have shaped me and helped me become who I’ve become. I’m grateful for all these incredible opportunities that allow me to become authentically me. Without them, I would be boring, I’m sure.

My parents always did everything they could to support me and ensure I had opportunities and took advantage of them. They pushed me in all the right directions without actually pushing. When I asked to go on the class trip to Washington, DC in the 7th grade, they said yes. When I wanted to see Miss Saigon in Chicago for my birthday, they said yes. When I wanted to apply to only one college, they said yes. When I asked to take Italian and maybe study abroad, they said yes. When I told them I found the guy I wanted to marry, they said yes. It was rare for my parents to tell me I couldn’t experience the world the way I wanted. And for that, I am very, very grateful.

Now I don’t need my parents to give me permission. They still support all my decisions, but now it’s my turn to tell myself YES. I don’t do it nearly enough and it’s something I’ll work on in the new year. But telling yourself yes means giving yourself opportunity.

So my wish to you in the new year is to let yourself be. Give yourself experiences and opportunities. Take advantage of the decisions around you. Say yes.

{photo credit: Wonderlane}

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Big Life Decisions: The Things That Shaped Me

posted 12th August 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: Events, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Marian, Season 3, Travel, Travel/Adventure

During the final days of Season 2, Molly, Nicole, Heather and Katie asked each other some really kick ass questions. Questions I found myself journaling about later.

Molly wants us to reveal more of our life story and past. To do that I want to answer the question “What do you consider the most important event in your life so far?”

I can’t pretend this is an easy answer, and since no one actually asked me the question, I’m going to make my own rules and give you more than one event that shaped my big life.

The first “big life event” was my childhood sweetheart, K. We started dating when we were 13 and broke up at 20. Seven years of my life were devoted to this boy (we were hardly adults) and being in that relationship influenced how I grew up and how I see love now. For a very long time I defined myself based on that relationship. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and it was horribly unhealthy, unyielding and unhappy to its core.

It’s been almost 4 years since that horrendous, gut-wrenching break-up and it’s funny how something that tore me up then has little importance on my life now. That said, it resulted in some serious commitment issues, an almost-too-fierce independence and more than a little cynicism. So if I want to learn more about who I am, I need to understand that one-third of that person was shaped by another.

The next big event was my move to London in 2007. After said break-up (of course – Eat, Pray, Love anyone?) I left the US on a whim and did a solo backpacking trip through Europe. After years of having to ask permission, I felt finally free. Free to live my life according to my own terms.

I took off to the Amalfi coast on a whim. I swam naked in the Adriatic. I drank until I couldn’t see (never again!) and got lost in the streets of Rome. I visited 7 countries in 30 days and learned how to say “Do you speak English?” in French, Italian, German and Croatian. It was, by far, the biggest adventure of my life. It was when I finally proved I was capable, enthusiastic, passionate and a more than a little kick ass.

When I finally arrived in London I created a life. I studied for a while, got my first apartment, supported myself and continued to travel – everywhere from Norway to Morocco. That Norway trip was also when I met Sam and, as you know, the rest of that story is sort of history.

Thirdly, the Facebook ads that helped me land a job? That small event I pulled out of my ass one night launched my current career and while it may not be perfect, I work for myself and I essentially owe those damn advertisements for showing me it’s possible. I’m also aware how much being a part of social media has changed my personality. I’m more outgoing, friendly, opinionated, and generally chock full of ideas for my future and the way that I want my life to turn out.

Being part of the Joy Equation and blogging here with you fine folk is giving me the opportunity to really evaluate myself so I can live my best life. I feel like explaining why that’s important is a little silly, because doesn’t everyone want to be happy? Doesn’t everyone want their best life? Doesn’t everyone want to live a life of authentic joy?

I’m not so sure. People have been living for millennia without practicing any sort of personal development, so that shit must just come with time and life experience, right? Right? But I’m looking at people my parent’s age – my grandparent’s age – and thinking, “I don’t want to be that.” I don’t want to look back on my life and not be extraordinarily happy. My memories of my travels and loves and new friendships are the memories that make me think, “Dude! Why shouldn’t I make my entire life one big, awesome, juicy memory? Why I am settling now?” But I have no idea where to start. I don’t know what to evaluate or how to define my life in a way that’s going to make me who I want to be.

What I do know is, I’ve always been honest to the point of (sometimes rude) bluntness, but I rarely practice that same “call it as I see it” with myself. I think if I could find a way to do that I could open up an entire world, an entire life of possibility.

So here’s to starting now.



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Self Trust: How to Practice Trusting Yourself

posted 26th February 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

How’s your power of self trust?

Do you have trouble making big decisions for yourself, by yourself?  Do you feel the need to crowd source your next step, your vacation destination, the decision to quit your job?

When you asking others for their opinions, listing out the pros, the cons and the justifications– Are you looking for inspiration? Confirmation of a decision?  Or are you seeking the ability to blame someone else’s instincts should things go wrong?

Gaining a wider exposure to options is amazing.  The access to information we have at our fingertips is extraordinary (and overwhelming!). Soaking up knowledge from someone who’s “been there, done that” is useful.

But…  Letting your Twitter followers make major life decisions for you is a sign that you don’t trust your own instincts.  Relying on your parents or your partner or your gaggle of girlfriends to “decide” points to reliance. 

Remaining in a constant state of indecision is draining on you and all those in your life.

We’re so used to looking outside ourselves for answers, perhaps we’ve forgotten we’re capable of making decisions for ourselves!

We have to trust in our ability to handle what life throws at us, to make the big decisions on our own.  If we don’t have that self trust, we’ll be walking around in a state of fear, a cloud of dependence.

Do we not trust ourselves because we’re constantly bombarded with messages that we’re not enough? Not pretty enough?  Not productive enough?  Not successful enough?

What happened to knowing, at the deepest level, that we ARE enough?

“I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.” —Walt Whitman

Any of this ringing a bell?

I don’t have the end all, be all answer.  In fact, I’m writing about self trust because I’ve spent the last few weeks in a needy state of  “But what should I do?  How do I choose?  What happens if that’s wrong?  What if I fail?  Just tell me- what would you do?”

Ugly, I tell you.  The Big Man would agree…

So, I’m owning it.  I’m trying my very best to rely on the faith I have in myself.  The knowledge that I can handle whatever life throws at me. It’s my life after all.  I need to practice turning inward for the answers, trusting myself at the deepest level.  How?  Read on, sista’, read on.

How to Practice Self Trust

Pay attention to your physical reactions.

Start at the most basic level by really getting in touch with how your body feels.  Does one option give you a lift in your heart, a feeling of lightness?  Does another cramp your stomach?

I manifest stress through tightness in my shoulders and neck, resulting in massive headaches.  When I recognize that I’m suffering from my stress headaches, I have to ask myself- what is wrong?  Where is my life out of touch with my values, my personal integrity?

Consult your heart, not just your head.

Many of us well-educated women make all of our decisions with logic.  “It only makes sense to do… “Logically, I should…”  “It would be stupid not to…”  We have confidence that we can make the best decisions through excel spreadsheets and polls, on expected returns and majority opinions.

But you can be a confident, deliberate woman and still not trust yourself.  Self trust is not the same as confidence. As Jack Gibb writes in Trust “Confidence is more cerebral, more calculated, and based more on expectations than trust is. Trust can be and often is instinctive…. It is something very much like love.”

Have you ever walked into a new place, a new city and felt a sense of recognition?  Or met someone who feels like an old friend?  Pay attention to that reaction- your heart is trying to tell you something!

With decisions, can you access your intuition?  Your heart’s sense of right or wrong? Free from journaling is an amazing way to access your heart’s answers–no editing, no thinking too hard–just asking yourself a questions and letting an answer pour forth.

Make the decision already

The anxiety that accompanies ”indecision” can be debilitating and distracting.  It can go on so long that eventually you just accept it as your natural state.  Except that it isn’t…

When you’re not making a decision, it may be a case of your head battling your heart.  Or it may be that  choice conflicts with all the advice you’ve been given.  Allow for other’s opinions.

But then make your own.

Sometimes just making the decision, diving in, trusting your gut is the best thing to do.  Stop justifying your reasons for waiting, for pausing, for gathering more information.  Trust, baby, Trust.

It’s all within your power.

“When we trust ourselves, we can better navigate the waters of challenging emotional times-when we feel lost or grieving, angry, or afraid-believing somewhere in our hearts and souls that we will make it, even if we’re not sure how or when. We’re safe in our own care.”  –M.J Ryan

photo credit : chandrika221

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