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Mind and Body: Moving Toward A More Perfect Union

posted 13th February 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Juliana, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

I believe firmly in a mind-body connection.  It’s that belief that has me giggling to myself, even as I’m bundled up and clutching a box of tissues for dear life. I’m currently on the fourth day of a sinus infection that has been kicking my butt ever since I got back from an amazing trip to New Mexico, and I think it’s a good sign.

For years, the only way I ever got a break was when I was sick – Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a pity party… I brought it upon myself.  I was go, go, go,  getting myself into all kinds of projects, shows, fun stuff, work, taking the phrase “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” pretty literally.  My body didn’t always want to come along for the ride, and I’d push myself until my body would push back and I’d be on my ass for a week or so.

When I did lots of theater, this showed up in the form of sciatic nerve pain that would flare up right at the end of every run.  Like clockwork, after a few months of working on a show, I’d go to the cast party, have a great time, and wake up the next day hardly able to walk (because of the back pain, not the hangover.)  I’d be forced to take the next few days very slowly in order to get back to my usual activity level.  Rather than learn from my mistakes, I just figured these episodes were like a physical “reset” button and I could continue the same way until the next time. It wasn’t a very balanced way to live.

Now that I’m a little older, I realize I’ve been unbalanced to the other extreme. I went from being extremely active to basically sedentary, from doing too much too fast to not having any energy for the things I love.  Aches and pains and feelings of “sickness” that weren’t a specific illness became the norm rather than something that happened every few months. I’d have random days where I had a fever and just didn’t want to get out of bed, but no other identifiable symptoms. I just felt gross, depressed, needed a day to lay around in bed.  After that I was typically fine for another couple of weeks, though I became increasingly unhappy with my weight and energy level.

Just like in my days of doing too much and working too hard, I have been ignoring the mental and spiritual signs of my unhappiness and lack of balance.  I’ve been rationalizing it, listening to family and friends when they talked about how lucky I was to have such a great job “in this recession”.  Fear became a larger motivator than pursuing happiness, so I pushed away thoughts about what I really wanted to be doing, until they had to show up in my life another way. I finally realized that my Quarterlife Crisis was taking physical form in order to get my attention.

My goals for the next six months are to:

Things really clicked for me recently when I decided that I would no longer tolerate tired and achy as my “normal”.  This doesn’t mean I’m going to crash diet or go on some crazy binge workout regimen…those things are just as bad as sitting on my butt for 12 hours and eating comfort foods, and will ultimately lead me to the same unhappiness.  I want to move more, and to eat foods that nourish me and make me feel good physically, not just emotionally.

As a musician, my physical health is doubly important to me.  Not only do I need the energy to put on good shows, but I need the resilience to travel, haul gear, and still feel up to singing.  Plus, my most critical instrument – my voice – is actually a part of my physical body, so it would probably be helpful to take care of that physical body.   This all seems like common sense, but I hadn’t connected the dots, not on a deep level, until a couple of weeks ago.

I went to Taos, New Mexico. I was participating as a musical guest in a creative women’s retreat at a gorgeous historic home that’s been a haven for artists for over a hundred years.

The energy of the place woke something up inside me. There was snow on the ground, the sun was out, and it was cold but not freezing.  I woke up very early each morning and took a walk around the property.  Then, before breakfast, I made sure to wash my face, put on moisturizer & makeup and choose some fun earrings to wear.

If this sounds like normal behavior to you, know that I haven’t regularly worn makeup or earrings in several years. I was making a tiny commitment to accept my body as it is right now.  I’d been comfortable dressing like a schlub and not making myself look good because I didn’t feel like I deserved to look good, or that I could, at my weight.  Once I made that teensy mental shift and allowed myself to feel deserving of some cute jewelry and lipstick, my entire being shifted.  Suddenly, I had the energy to dance and do yoga and go on long walks.  I had energy to laugh and bond with new friends and perform at night.  I stayed up late and woke up early. 

I actually felt beautiful for the first time in a long time.

So now, back home in Atlanta, I’m at the tail end of a post-travel illness, but this time it doesn’t feel like my body is telling me to slow down.  It feels like I’m letting go of old mindsets and learning how to take care of myself again.  It feels like I’m slowing down so I can reflect and then zoom forward. And I’m leaving behind all the terrible things I’ve told myself about myself, like so many gross used tissues, in favor of some tiny shifts that add up to a more balanced mind-body connection.

[Note from Coach Molly: Juliana, I love the honesty here.  And I really, really love the realization that through acceptance ("I was making a tiny commitment to accept my body as it is right now") comes growthOnce I made that teensy mental shift... my entire being shifted.")   It's such a hard concept to really understand- you mean by loving myself as is, I'm allowing room for positive discoveries and possibly change?  YES.   By loving as is, you allow for growth.  For anyone who wants to make a big change, start by loving the yourself now.  As is.  Right, J?]

[photo credit: Pickersgill Reef]

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Finding Balance through my Core Values

posted 3rd March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

I’ve gone from one extreme to the next.

The first couple of weeks after leaving my day job, I felt unorganized, somewhat scattered.  I had difficulty managing my time, and I wasn’t focusing on my writing projects as much as I would have liked.

With a little effort, I found a few ways to turn that around.  I started getting up early and setting specific times that I had to get work done.  I closed the door and thus closed myself off from the world.

I worked, worked, worked.

Moving from underproductive to uber productive was seriously exciting.  I got SO much done.  I stayed up late and got up early.  I had energy.  I felt exhilarated.  I re-launched my personal blog, In Search of Squid, got a lot of prewriting done on the novel, and started pumping out blog posts.

I was on fire.

But now, I’ve hit the other side of that wall.  I am in desperate need of balance.

You see, last week, I crashed.  I had been getting up early and going to bed late.  Even when taking a break for dinner or catching up with the fiancé, I had the computer on my lap, and I was responding to blog comments or working on a writing project.  General exhaustion and a lack of sleep then took over.  I couldn’t sit down to write without my eyelids drooping and feeling the need to take a nap.

Now, this has been my first experience working for myself.  I’ve never tried to do this before.  And let me tell you, striking a balance between work and all the rest is seriously harder than it looks. My work life and home life have now merged.  How does one handle this while maintaining a healthy balance of work, rest and play?

Enter, The Joy Equation.

I had been working through Molly’s Thirty Day Guide to Living Life on Purpose for the past few weeks.  Well, let me be more accurate, I’d working on it a little and thinking about working on it a lot.  Every time I picked it up, I felt guilty for taking time away from my writing projects.  I would eventually set it down with the idea that I could always do more later.

Then, the week of droopy eyelids and utter exhaustion came into play.  I realized I needed to slow down.  I needed a little perspective and some fresh ways to approach working on my own.

I spent last weekend pondering, journaling and planning.  I took a look at what really matters to me and sought new ways to maintain a sense of calm, wellness and balance in my life.

While doing this, I sat down and listened to the first audio session of The Joy Equation.  Molly walked me through a guided meditation, then a series of questions and exercises aimed at getting me to unearth my core values.  I attempted to figure out – what do I really care about; what values resonate with me; what truly matters?

In the past, I’ve tried to make time to consider my personal core values, and I’ve attempted to align my life in such a way as to be true to myself.  I can’t recommend this practice enough.  It’s powerful.  It opens doors and allows you to see your life in a whole new way.  What I love about Molly’s approach is that she really has you work it out.  You ask questions, you answer questions, you put it all in writing.

You set intentions for the week, and you find creative ways to really make it work for you.

Sometimes I just need a little nudge, something to give me permission to take time out for myself.  This was exactly the nudge I needed.  I’ve been so focused on doing the work I love, that I nearly forgot the many other things in life that matter to me too. Identifying my core values helped me to remember this.

In looking at those values, I noticed one thing that continued to show up – my love for being outside and in nature.  I really enjoy things like walking, hiking and camping.  I love fresh air and green trees and the sight of the ocean.

And then I realized something – I rarely make time to do this.

Why?  I’m not sure.  I think sometimes we get lost in ourselves, in our daily lives.  We forget to do those things that bring us joy, especially when it takes a little extra time, effort or attention.

So I’m taking a cue from my Joy Plan; I’m setting an intention for the week.  And that intention is simply to go on a hike.

According to Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  My journey is to connect with my true, authentic self.  In cultivating the powerful habits that will bring me to that authentic self, I must take small steps to get there.  This is simply one of those small steps.

I’m also making a commitment to myself:  each week, I’ll re-look at my core values. Whichever jumps out at me as something I’ve been overlooking, I’ll take action, and I’ll plan something that honors that value for the week.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.  What are some things you do to maintain balance in your own life?

photo credit: janusz l

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Finding Flow

posted 8th April 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Life Lesson, Molly, Tips & Tools

I am a voracious reader.  I read novels to escape, magazines for entertainment & anything dealing with positive psychology/authentic happiness/life meaning/woman’s issues to satisfy my appetite for learning.  Some girls buy shoes, I buy books.

Usually I use the lessons I learn to inform the content of my workshops & my coaching.  I pride myself on weaning the best of the best & sharing what I think is applicable to our lives as modern women.  I try to do all the heavy lifting for you.

This time I’m going to ask you to do some work. I want you to read the book for yourself.

Introducing…  Finding Flow by Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi, one of the world’s leading positive psychology researchers, as well as the director of the Quality of Life Research Center & professor at Claremont Graduate University.  The book is fascinating.  Fascinating.  It contains a clear vision of increasing the quality of life by increasing your experience of flow.

“It is the full involvement of flow, rather than happiness, that makes for excellence in life.”

Read more…

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