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Coming Full Circle (My Childhood Definition of Success)

posted 17th February 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: All Posts, Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

When I was a kid and people asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I answered with whatever I thought was fun at the moment.  I went from wanting to be a ballerina to a soap opera actress to a fashion designer to an architect.

I had a lot of interests.

Then sometime in high school, things changed.

I would think about my future career and had this vague notion of what the work would be, but what I really thought about was what I would get from it – a corner office, tailored suits, a nice car, prestige.

I was taught that fun and pleasure seeking were somehow synonymous with being being irresponsible or immature. Plus, that’s right about the time I realized just how poor my family was.  I became somewhat obsessed with the idea of doing better than my parents when it came to finances.  I didn’t want to stress over paying the mortgage.  I didn’t want to stress over putting gas in the car.  I didn’t’ want to stress over buying groceries.

And so my focus changed – I stopped thinking about having fun, and I started thinking about making money.

I think this was where I began to lose myself.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with making money.  We all need it to some extent, and feeling comfortable with your ability to pay the bills certainly helps to put your mind at ease.

Studies have shown that once you reach a certain level of income, everything else is just cake.  At that point, your happiness is due to other factors and has little to do with money.  And that level of income – it’s not that much. Really, it’s just enough to live modestly without stressing about paying the bills.

I’ve come to realize just how true this is.  Since finishing grad school, I’ve had two jobs.  The first was an exceptionally well paid position with a local nonprofit.  I know, sounds like an oxymoron – how can one work at a non-profit and be exceptionally well paid?  It turned out they were paying for my sanity, as they had every intention of taking it. Looking back, I credit that job with teaching me that money isn’t everything.

I decided I’d rather make less money working somewhere that didn’t provide a straight jacket as part of the uniform.

And that’s where my last job came in.  I worked at a great university that was a five minute drive from my house.  I purposely sought a position that, although didn’t seem the most exciting, wouldn’t stress me out.  The pay was okay and came with the added perks of being able to bike to work and go home for lunch.

In short, I picked a job that would allow me to have a life. And, as far as sanity goes, it was a better choice.  The only problem – it really was boring.  Looking back, I credit that job with teaching me that I really do want to stretch my mind and be challenged in my work.

And so, in the five years since finishing grad school, I have slowly come full circle.

In a way, I’ve felt myself becoming a kid again – seeking a life that is filled with fun and endless possibilities.

I’ve realized that money truly is not everything – that the ability to buy designer clothes, purchase a large house and drive nice cars has absolutely nothing to do with happiness.

For me, happiness has more to do with fulfillment on a personal level.  It has to do with finding work that is meaningful to me, taking part in activities that align with my own values and building lasting relationships with other people.

I want my life to be full of creativity, adventure, friendship and love.

And that’s what this next phase is all about – seeking personal fulfillment.

The idea that happiness comes from material success?  I dumped that with yesterday’s trash, right where it belongs.

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