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My Values Evaluation

posted 8th June 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Laura, Season 4

As part of working my way through Molly’s Joy Equation, I spent some time thinking about my values. This seriously challenged my assumptions and got me thinking.

I’m pretty reflective and try to be in tune with my desires and instincts. In fact, I’ve been trying to do this more and more for the past 18 months. But when faced with having to choose no more than eight values from an infinite number of possibilities, I really had to pause.

I thought I knew what my values were. But then I realized, I can value the presence of pretty much anything – people, experiences, emotions, objects – but My Values should be like beacons of light guiding me and informing my choices.

They are a critical part of who I am as a person. And when I was forced to really think about it, it was a really refreshing and revealing activity. All a sudden, thinking of something as one of My Values gave it a lot more weight and importance.

It’s like, there’s a difference between your heart appreciating something and your soul needing it, you know?

I’m happy to share with you where I landed, for no other reason than I hope it gets your wheels turning about your own values, and brings them to the forefront of your mind today.

1.) Courage – This was a bit of a shocker, I’m not gonna lie. All of my time spent being assertive, bold and decisive now makes So.Much.More.Sense! What’s even more exciting is the realization that, to me, courage encompasses a lot of things. It’s about taking risks, absolutely, but it’s also about having an open mind, inner strength and trust in myself and the universe. It’s about being compassionate and empathetic. And mostly, it’s about having a willingness. It’s about not being motivated by fear. Seriously, now that I’ve pinpointed it, I really can’t imagine living in the absence of courage.

2.) Creativity – I don’t necessarily need to be an artist in order to honour creativity. I just need to write, ideate, brainstorm, and make stuff – from crafts to cookies. I need to have fun with colour. Whether by wearing a bright scarf or writing a business plan in markers. Colour feeds my soul. Honouring creativity also means pushing boundaries, keeping perspective, and listening to my intuition. Those are important ways of nurturing creativity from the inside out.

3.) Exploration – Ahhh, yes! This is all about my inquisitive, curious little mind! It’s about my thirst for new experiences and challenges, and for learning, trying, and doing. It’s why I love reading, and movies, and travelling. It’s why I love action and it’s why I get impatient. Not because I’m anxious to produce and accomplish. I’m just hungry to dig, see, listen, and EXPLORE.

4.) Family – This one is on many of your lists, I’m sure. What was important for me to realize is that family, as a Value, isn’t just about the people and pets in it. It’s about intimacy, compromise, consideration, loyalty, connection, and commitment. It’s the feelings and comfort that being part of a family brings. Those are the things I need to respect and create space and time for.

5.) Laughter - A bit of a no brainer, for me, anyway. All of the things that lead me to laughter, like playfulness, interactions with others, adventure and a relentlessly positive outlook, are things I simply wouldn’t want to live without. When I stop having any fun, I’m doing something way, way wrong.

6.) Originality – From the time I was a little girl, I’ve loved doing things my way. I was blow drying my own hair before I was even out of a crib…seriously. Maybe that was because I was stubborn and a bit controlling, even then. But I’d like to think it was also because I love expressing myself, and feeling confident and self assured. Now, as an adult, I adore dreaming, doing things differently, and working on ways to be more me. Losing my sense of originality would be a fast track to misery.

7.) Freedom – This is a funny value to have when I live in a completely free country, with a completely supportive network of family and friends. What about my life isn’t free? That’s why I left it out at first. But words like freedom and flexibility were calling to me from the page. And then I realized, part of the reason I’m so, so grateful for where I live and who I live here with is that I absolutely adore being free to make choices and seek out variety. I love the growth, possibility and independence that a sense of freedom affords me. And so, it made the cut.

8.) Vitality – My obsession with exercise, nutrition and health? And my intense disappointment when I’m not incorporating those things into my day to day (like recently)? Yeeeaaah, it totally comes back to the fact that I really, truly value vitality. And I can’t even tell you how much I love “vitality” as the word of choice. I get to wrap the concepts of energy, physical fitness, conscious eating, clarity of mind, inspiration, solitude, rest, peace, balance, and presence in the moment into one beautiful package! Vitality! Hell yes! Put a bow on that one!

Values are subject to change, as life evolves and priorities shift, I know. But I’m feeling so good about  having gone through this process, and really enlightened by it. If you haven’t spent time doing this type of exercise in a while – or ever! – I highly recommend it.

And of course, I’d love to hear what some of your values are in the comments below!


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Can I be honest? I’m terrified.

posted 29th March 2011    Written by: Amanda    CATEGORY: All Posts, Amanda, Family, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Season 4

Note: this is my very first video blog, like, ever. Be gentle… but be honest: how’d I do? If you’re a mama, tell me how you’ve dealt with your terror and freakouts. I would love to see how other mamas — or mamas to be — deal. You all give me such inspiration. ILU.

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Morning Bliss: The Best Part of Waking Up

posted 3rd September 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Family, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Tips & Tools, Travel, Travel/Adventure

Each morning I rise, give praise for the rays of light.  Sun salutations, cat poses, savasanas.  The warmth of the chai spreads through my chest, into my arms, down my legs.  The air inside is still; the only noise I hear is the gentle hum of the refridgerator as it toils to keep the food cold during these dog days of summer.  With a pen in hand, I scribble all my thoughts and dreams from the days before.  Every penstroke is a gentle caress on the smooth, vanilla bean paper.  My head and heart empty, ready to recieve the gifts the present day may bring.

O. M. G.  I wish.  This is how it really goes down:

Right around dawn, my daughter screams.  She doesn’t whimper, she doesn’t cry.  She screams at the top of her lungs.  I nurse her, lay her back down in her crib and cross my fingers and toes in hopes that I can get just forty-five more minutes of sleep.  I make it back to my own bed, curl up into the fetal position and pull the blankets over my head.  32 minutes pass by and at 6:47 a.m. she is ready to begin her day.  I change her diaper, get the coffee started (extra-strong please!), make her oatmeal, wash a few dishes and sweep the floor as I wait for my son to emerge.  At 7:02 a.m. he stumbles into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and muttering something about dinosaurs.  He demands animal crackers for breakfast.

“I don’t think so little man.  How about cereal and milk?” I ask him sweetly.

“Mmmmm.  Eh-eh.  Animals.”

“Toast and butter?”  I say as I look him sternly in the eye.

“Eh-eh!  Animals!”

“No.  Cereal and milk or toast and butter?”  Hunched over and with a raised eye-brow, I repeat his options.

“Animals!  Animals!  Animals!” he protests while jumping up and down, much to the dismay of the neighbors below, I am sure.

I mean, really.  I have not had any coffee yet, I am still in my underwear–literally–and at only 7:08 in the morning, Time Out Number 1 is underway.  It is totally not the zen-filled morning I so desperately crave.  Take this morning, repeat it 4 days a week, and multiply it by 52 weeks in a year.  That equals 208.  208 out of 365 days of my year start out this way.  So it is no wonder that when I dream about my “perfect” life, I am usually alone.

According to my therapist, this is because I don’t vacate.  I do not make the time to do those things in which I take delight.  So this week, I am taking my therapist’s advice and vacating.  Well, vacating as much as I possibly can with a husband and two kids.  We are off to Colorado, my friends!  Seven days and six nights away from home, in the bright sunshine and crisp mountain air.  And while I am there, I will make time for myself.  This is not a plan, this is a promise.  I am making a promise to be kind to myself…to allow myself to vacate (at least a teensy little bit) because I know that upon my return I will be renewed, refreshed, regenerated.

I recently finished working through Week 1 of The Joy Equation and I had a breakthrough.  It was the kind of breakthrough that made me feel strong, empowered, brave, ready to take on the world with clearer vision.  You see, at the end of Week 1, I made a list of 8 core values.  Molly calls our core values ”the Habits of our Heart.”  She couldn’t be more right.  Through Week 1′s exercises I realized that a lot of the pain and suffering I had experienced over the last five or six years was kind of my own fault: I made choices that discounted my intuition and casted my values aside.  (Okay, that and the whole bi-polar thing too.)  It was a slap in the face, but I welcomed it.

I decided that I was ready for some fun again. I want to get back to a little bit of that old “Alisha”.  Old Alisha was fun, a little more free, and a lot happier.  So, on this vacation, I am going to vacate my old ways; I am going to reintegrate my core values into my life and into my choices.  I think life will be more fun that way.

photo credit

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The Line Between Independence and Aloneness

posted 29th August 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Lindsey, Love/Relationships, Travel, What I've Learned

There is this really hilarious picture, lost in the electronic abyss of my dead external hard drive, taken at a picnic a few years back. It is the perfect picture of me and the ‘rents.

My parents are calmly standing over their paper plates of picnic fare. Their eyes are on the verge of rolling, but not quite. And in the forefront is me: taking a pause from my stride, striking a ridiculous pose and making a more ridiculous face.

I’m out there, in a way that is quite foreign to my very-normal-American family. I talk loudly, and act louder. I take risks in a way that people don’t, often. I push boundaries that will potentially lead me to failure because it brings a fullness to my life. I’ve claimed my personal freedom to live life for myself.

But I also am drawn by the power of my family. Living at home this summer, I’ve found incredible support and love that I had been distanced from, living out on my own. Being surrounded by my parents, my brother, even my dog, I realize this incredible unit of people, joined by blood and genetics and years of experience and love, is an important key to my personal grounding.

I can’t explain where my free spirit came from, but I know I can’t help but dream big and live with my head in the clouds of possibility. My roots, connecting me to something stable, that is my family.

Here is my million dollar question: how do I find a balance?

Interdependence is a higher state than Independence

When I am alone I miss: Connectedness. Deep conversation. Human contact. Sometimes, when I’m on my own for a really long time and then get a real hug its like fireworks explode. Human contact is an oh-so-beautiful luxury, and something I’ve learned to cherish, more than ever before.

Independence is an art that allows openness to new experience and ideas. Being comfortable, surrounded by the love and support of my family is good. But ripping that away in the raw emotion of aloneness, that is a crazy new game of self-discovery. It leads to personal introspection, development, productivity.

However, alone this track of being alone, I’ve also found myself being more impulsive in my relationships. Seeking deep bonds that emulate those of my family. Depending on newfound friends to hold me down in the way that family does.

Remember my story of how I got back to Michigan this summer? There were several affairs of the heart, that moved me across this country, and each time I was just SURE that this was the answer, that here was someone who’d love me and ground me and support my crazy ideas and be a mobile and modern version of my family.

But impulses are gnarly, dude. They make me an expert in heartbreak, a girl whose hardly been in any relationships long enough to warrant heartbreak possible. And I tend to be overwhelmed by my weak (or possibly far too strong) heart, crushed. Feeling alone.

Hit the Road, Jack, But Always Come Back

There is a moral to this story of heartbreak and aloneness and knowing, if anything, my family will always love me: one-way plane tickets, baby. (After defining and writing out my Joy Equation goals and one good conversation with a friend, there I was at 3 am on Kayak.com.)

Am I running away? Believe me, everyone I’ve told about my impulse decision has accused me of this. I’ll even admit it: I AM running away. Away from the idea of settling and of putting my BIG DREAMS on hold to “be responsible” and start my career. Away from the scary prospect of not changing, not expanding my mind with the great glory of humanity and their beautiful voices and opinions.

Don’t think me a coward, I’m definitely running towards something too: my big dreams. Dedicating myself fully to my actual goals, rather than making them my after-work fare as they’ve become this summer. Surrounding myself with friends who are living the lifestyle I have become preachy and non-actionable about. Towards a conviction that I can be truly independent, and fully in charge of my life. Towards filling my life with experience, and a further developed worldview, a clarity only achieved with the action that global motion brings.

Again, I will be alone.

It takes away the buffer of friendships and romance and family. It gives raw realness to everything. It teaches me something every day. I have new perspective since I paused my nomadic lifestyle to come home this summer. I am clear with my goals. I have recalibrated and I am ready to keep going.

There is something else you should know about me: I have this really frustrating belief that I am meant to be alone, stemming from some bitch palm reader at my high school prom. (WTF, right?!) I am trying to change this. But I have never really admitted it to anyone besides random boyfriends that fizzle out soon after.

I am holding myself publicly accountable on this next stage of life, that no matter what, I am not destined to be alone. I have family that loves me. I have friends that love me. And, what really matters in all of this, I have myself. I must love myself.

{photo credit : α is for äpΩL †}


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With Freedom Comes Great Responsibility

posted 8th July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

“I’m free to do whatever I want, any old time.” – Soup Dragons

Freedom is one of those words that you only hear on holidays that have something to do with remembering war veterans who fought for our freedom, in kindergarten when you have to sing “America” before you can get your carton of milk, or on America’s birthday. I can remember countless essays that I’ve written for classes in which I had to explain what freedom was, what it meant to me, and give examples of things and people “that aren’t free.”

In 5th grade I answered the question with: “Prostitutes aren’t free.” I had to go to the principals office.

Over the years, my vision of freedom has developed from wanting to be free from my parents (as per my old journal entries in which I count down the days until I turned 18 so I could move out) to almost wanting to sell some of my freedom back. While I understand that as Americans we’re more free to do things that other countries are not, I sometimes catch myself wishing I wasn’t as free to do whatever I want as I am. This might be part of the whole “grass is greener” syndrome.

If I didn’t have freedom, I’d want it. Because I have it, I wish I didn’t have it at times.

As a single, 25 year old self employed girl living in South Philadelphia, I’m the epitome of freedom. I can go to bed whenever I want, wake up whenever I want, do work whenever I want, take off whenever I want, watch TV whenever I want, eat whatever I want, buy whatever I want… and so it goes.  I may even go as far as saying that I have too much freedom.

Where there is no freedom, there is extreme structure. In the countries in which women need to cover their bodies, it is strictly enforced. Their structure is strong, and they don’t allow people to break the structure. On the other hand, where there is an extreme amount of freedom, there is zero structure.  Think of all of the animals who run free in the woods. There are no rules. They don’t have to be anywhere at any certain time. Everything seems to be perfect until something unexpected happens. Like when a baby deer gets hit by a car. That extreme amount of freedom was awesome until their was a catastrophe. It’s that catastrophe that I, myself try to avoid.

Those who have not enough freedom will inevitably crave more of it. And since I have an unlimited surplus of freedom, I’ve grown to dislike it.

Personally, I crave being told exactly what to do. I want to be held accountable. I want to have set schedule that I have to adhere to. I want a job that wants me to designate a full 8 hours a day to doing set tasks.   While some people do well with creating things to do and holding themselves accountable, it’s my weak area.

Imagine going into a new job and your boss just looking at you and saying “Just do it.” You have so many questions, but you’re just expected to know how to do whatever “it” is. Where do you start? When do you finish? What you wouldn’t give for a little but of guidance.

Yep, that’s how I feel basically every day.

The irony of having this self proclaimed amount of excess freedom is that I am in complete control of it.  Even saying it out loud, “I control my own level of freedom.” feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. It seems so common sense, but I didn’t grasp this right away.

If I want to have a set schedule, I can make one. I want an 8 hour job that holds me accountable? I can apply for one. Even so, it’s easier to have someone else tell me what to do.  However, I chose this path of life. For so long, I dreamed of having more freedom and less control from other people. I just didn’t know how much responsibility came with it.

I’m in the process of revamping my schedule and holding myself more accountable. It’s a difficult shift of power, but I’m embracing it by starting small; giving myself a bedtime, wake time, and morning routine.  I don’t want to be too controlled by society or even myself because I think then I’ll start to hate it.

Freedom is an amazing thing, but as with most amazing things, too much of it can be more than you bargained for. Especially if you’re not prepared to handle it.

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