Archive

My 30th Birthday, A Clean Slate, and Striving for Perfection

posted 11th October 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

I’ve always been a sucker for the first day of school.   January 1st.  A clean slate…  But is my adoration and reliance on new beginnings actually useful?

The hook of the fresh start is apparent.  They make me feel powerful, like no matter what I did yesterday, tomorrow holds possibility for redemption, for finally being the “me” I know I can be.  Like somehow I haven’t been awesome enough or accomplished enough or kept on track enough in the last while, but now’s my chance– because it’s a new month!  A new year!  A new business or house or adventure!

I find myself thinking “This time I’ll really commit to blah, blah, blah.  This time I’ll do it!”

But here’s the thing.

1.  Usually, I’m holding myself to unreasonable expectations or striving to check off too many changes at once. So when I fail to meditate one day or wear jeans and sneakers for the 4th day in a row or don’t reply to email within 24 hours, I feel like a failure. (Speaking of snappy response time….  Catherine?  Becca?  Chelsea? Several others out there?  I know I owe you phone calls, heartfelt emails, responses to questions left hanging.  I’m sorry I’m behind and I hope you know I adore you and am not ignoring you!)

2.  Usually, I’m relying on sheer willpower to make things happen.  If I just set great, supercharged goals and make myself do them, I’m all set!  That’s all I have to do!  That’s what runs through my head at the start of those clean slates: I’ll just MAKE MYSELF do it!  But what happens when I’m tired, or unmotivated, or restless?  What happens when my best effort on a single day isn’t that amazing, earth-shattering, or life-changing?  What happens when I simply can’t make myself do it one day?  I ruin my “good streak” and feel like I’m back at square one.

3. Usually, I’m trying to become some turbo-charged superwoman. I’ve always tried to do my best, but something about a fresh start (however arbitrary it may be) makes me want to be bigger, better, more remarkable.  More “perfect” perhaps…   I slip into the mode of thinking I’m not good enough, that there is room for improvement in who I am and what I do.  It’s a self-defeating pattern because striving for perfection is harmful, not helpful.  There is no such thing as perfection!   I forget about all the wonderful things I already am and do, and concentrate on what I’m “lacking”.

So, what’s a motivated, personal-growth fan to do when you take away new beginnings?  When I realize that my entire life is a clean slate?

Well, I’ll tell you!  Cause I’m cutting myself off from the lure of a fresh start.  Life is NOW.  I am NOW.

Each moment is a chance to be present. Each moment offers us a choice about how we’re reacting to the stories in our head, whether we’re going to drink that third glass of wine, if we have the time to help the older couple carry their luggage upstairs.  Each time we conquer a self-limiting belief or take a step outside our comfort zone, we’ve celebrated a fresh start!  By tuning into the moment-to-moment of our own life, we find chances for new beginnings in every decision we make.

There are opportunities for grace and growth in each day. It’s powerful to have long term goals, but appreciating the small joys and tears in the day-to-day is equally important. Whether it’s an action-packed, moving forward day or a low-key, reconnecting with myself day or a let’s play pretend and wear costumes to brunch day,  or a mournful, angry day full of old yearbook gazing– each of those is part of our experience.  What will you learn from those small moments?  How will they change your reality?

I am already enough. Life is not measured in external validation.  The most amazing gift we can give to ourselves and others, is to realize that our life and our contribution is unique.  That there’s always room to shine brighter or develop healthier habits or reach more people, but at our core- We are enough.  Holding to that belief, and living a life of integrity is infinitely more fulfilling than checking off boxes.

As many of you heard, it was my 30th Birthday last Wednesday.  That’s a pretty big fresh start for this clean slate ex-junkie…. So what did I commit to for my new decade?

Being more Me.

That is all.  And that is everything.

p.s. Want to experience Stratejoy (and me!) in person? Registration is up for Portland, Maine and Philadelphia and Baltimore!

p.p.s. I’m starting the amazing Declaration of You eCourse with Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift on October 25th! A girls gotta do her own personal work, ya know? Want to come along? I’d love to see you over there, rocking out with me!  Come on. DO IT!  Let’s make our Declaration!

divider

Live Deliberately

posted 6th January 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly

I admit it: I love the New Year, just as much as I love peanut butter, little kids in snowsuits & new magazines delivered to my mailbox. Hear me? I love the New Year a whole big bunch.

It’s the thrill of a clean slate, a brand new journal & of course, a handful of resolutions. I’ve spent several snow days hemming and hawing over just what I’d like to accomplish in 2009. One of my favorite things to do is come up with a theme for the year: 2007 was “Life’s an Adventure” & 2008 was “Big Dreams, Bright Eyes”. Cliche? Perhaps. But they hold hard fought meaning for me and for the year ahead.

So what does the future hold?

My theme for this year is “Live Deliberately”. It’s an anthem for conscious choice about the life I live each day and the ideals that are expressed. What do I want to express, you ask? Courage, Creativity, Authenticity, Vitality, Connection, and of course, Joy. I want my values to be reflected in the way I spend my time, the interactions I have with others & the message I share with the world.

Read more…

divider