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Champagne, Bread, and Scissors, or How to Find Your New Year’s Traditions

posted 31st December 2011    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

New Year’s Eve is never much of a thing in my mind. It tends to sneak up on me, so I forget to make resolutions. I also don’t like crowds – especially after doing the Times Square ball drop thing in 2001 – which seems to rule out a lot of typical December 31 plans.

Mostly what this means is that I attempt to spend the evening with a small group of friends. We’ll eat, drink, and be merry, and then we’ll count down to midnight, champagne, and kisses. (Unless, of course, we get distracted by board games or conversation and miss midnight, in which case we’ll count down to a random time at which we yell “Happy New Year!” This has happened to me more than once.) So basically, it’s just like many other nights with my friends, except that we’re usually drinking wine instead of champagne, and high-fiving instead of kissing. I do my best to avoid straying too far from my apartment on December 31, because the last thing I want to do is commute home on the subway at some crazy hour with a bunch of crazy drunk people.

Some of my friends have New Year’s traditions that I really like, so in the past, I’ve tried to incorporate some of those into my own life. One of my best friends makes her resolutions at Chinese New Year. The holidays are her busiest time of year at work, so she doesn’t have a lot of time for reflection in December. When I considered doing that, I inadvertently let Chinese New Year slip by as well and avoided making resolutions yet again. Another friend always says, “Start as you mean to go on“. I guess I kind of do that now, as I described above, but that saying always makes me nervous. Since I already get a little stressed out about making plans that won’t involve the subway or spending a lot of money, I don’t want to add any more pressure to the night. Another tradition that I tried last year with a friend was throwing pieces of stale bread – each one representing something negative that we wanted to toss away – into the Hudson River. We used a loaf of bread that I’d baked with dough that had been in my fridge a little too long, and I found the motion incredibly satisfying. As 2010 involved my break-up and other challenges, I had a lot of things that I wanted to release. The whole process felt cleansing, though I wished I’d brought more bread.

It felt like I was Goldilocks trying all of these out, and nothing fit quite right – until I read about someone picking a word for the year. When I first saw a blog post about doing that, though, the person picked a word at random from the dictionary. Of course, I only had a French-English dictionary at home, and I ended up with words like scissors and hydraulic. Would you theme an entire 365 days around scissors or hydraulic? Hell no. I decided to declare the following 12 months my Year of Awesome. And it was. I traveled somewhere every month, saw friends and family, had a great roller derby season, blah blah blah. I was sold.

…until the next year rolled around and I completely missed choosing something in time for January 1. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

That moment confirmed that in my mind, New Year’s Eve is just another night. There is one day each year that does feel significant to me when it comes to making life changes, though: my birthday. These days, I select the word that will carry me through the coming 52 weeks by August 4, my new year’s eve. Beginning on August 5, that’s what guides me. As I mentioned way back when in my very first post, courage inspired me to make big decisions from August 5, 2010 through August 4, 2011. I dug deep to find the strength to follow through with that, and it was well-worth it.

At the moment, I’m approaching my halfway mark for my year of flourishing. Today and tomorrow, I’ll spend some time reflecting on that…

…or, if we’re being honest, I’ll likely just have a few drinks and spend time being silly with my friends.

Wherever you are, Happy New Year! May 2012 bring you love, joy, and the strength to follow your dreams – and flourish.

[photo credit: me!]

Psst! Hey, you! Gorgeous girl! Down here!

The Create Your Magical Year program is available right now! Looking for a great way to take a hard look at your 2011 (good and bad) and get clear on what you want for 2012? This joyful, all-about-you program is packed with awesome goodies, inspirational interviews, a soul-searching, colorful workbook, guided recordings, and other little surprises. 2012 is your year, woman. I can feel it. Wanna feel it too? It’s not too late to get this year off on the right foot.Let’s do this!

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Pixie Cuts, Bali, Saving the World, etc.

posted 25th July 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Season 4

This is when we throw around questions at each other in hopes that you can learn more about who we are, just before we wrap up. I hope that in the past six months you’ve come to understand something about the woman I am and the journey that I’m on. But for now…

What are you most proud of from the last 6 months? I’m proud of realizing that it’s okay to be me. Maybe I don’t have monumental changes going on; I’m not traveling the world, having a baby, getting married, or touring the country. All of these things are on my to-do list, sure, but what I’m doing right now is what I need to do right now. I’m being much better at thriving from day to day. Baby steps, people. I’m proud of releasing myself from so much pressure. I’m proud that I have begun to understand more about authenticity. I’m proud that I can check in with myself and know just what I need.

What is your favorite meal memory? A summer barbecue with all my dear friends, celebrating summer’s solstice with lemon beers, fresh tomatoes and corn, salads, burgers, and swell company. Also popsicles. And ice cream cones. And a stray raccoon for entertainment.

What’s the best piece of advice you have for someone struggling with a QLC? Own it. Understand that it sucks, and just like any other mess, it’s going to take work to organize. But it’s good, fulfilling, worthwhile work that you’re lucky to be doing. You’re lucky to love yourself so much that you care to make it right. And

What’s the best piece of advice someone has ever given you? “Having a bad day? Clean something.” –my mama

What’s your killer music mix? Aw man. I’m so all over the place with music but right now I’m digging Sarah Jarosz, Cults, and the Civil Wars. Mellow, penetrating, simple, raw.

Three biggest obsessions right now…blue eyeliner, triple shot iced lattes, and journaling.

What has happened in your time as a Stratejoy blogger that you would never have imagined for yourself in January? Getting real with my parents about the direction I want my life to take. Moving forward in that relationship has made all of my other progress so much richer.

What’s something you learned from each of the other ladies of Season 4? Be scared. Then do it anyway. That’s when the good stuff happens.

What’s your Dream Job? Dream Vacation? Dream Home? World-Travelin’ Documentary Filmmaker. Bali for a month or twelve. Cottage in the country with an English garden, pups, chickens, maybe a goat, definitely a horse, and a beautiful view.

What’s currently turning you on? Women with pixie cuts, men with beards, men with banjos, women with tattoos.

How are you going to change the world? By being extremely nice, one person at a time. Oh yeah, and fighting hard for gay and civil rights.


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Change: It Does a Body Good

posted 13th May 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

“What happens when we lose the things that anchor us?” – The Good Girl’s Guide to Getting Lost

My ‘anchor’ consisted of a mediocre job, a struggling nonprofit organization, unsatisfying friendships, and a burning feeling of inadequacy.  It triggered my Quarterlife Crisis and I started asking myself those tough questions – What do I really want out of life?  Am I really happy?  Will I ever be enough?

“What if, instead of grasping at something to hold on to, we pull up our roots and walk away?”

I always thought the idea of walking away from something [or someone] was admitting defeat, giving up, or taking the easy way out.  I thought that by walking away, you became weak and vulnerable to everything [and everyone] around you.  But walking away from an unsatisfying, mediocre lifestyle that I was living in Philadelphia forced me to answer those tough questions and evaluate the self-destructing path I had created for myself.  It forced me to realize that I wasn’t happy; I wanted something more fulfilling and gratifying.

“Before, some places just seemed too far, too difficult to reach, but once you start traveling, you never want to stop.”

Prague was just the tipping point.  I want to backpack through Europe, lay on the beaches in South East Asia, explore South America, and take a Safari ride through an African Jungle.  I want to see every hidden gem and set foot on every continent (three down, four to go). 

“What I found on the road was a tiny piece of myself.  These past few years I had survived my own personal disasters and realized I was strong enough … to live my life without fear or worry or doubt that nothing was going according to plan, as though such a plan ever existed in the first place.”

Traveling abroad for any significant amount of time truly changes your life.  As you adapt to the different cultures and lifestyles, you learn that you don’t need things like cable television or central air conditioning to survive (neither of which I had in Prague).  You begin to learn the difference between need and want, and you learn to find pleasure in simple things, like laughing from your soul and smiling just because. 

My life in the States was becoming too predictable – work, hockey, drink, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat – and it really scared the shit out of me.  Is this really what my life has become?! Before I decided to go to Prague, I had a major anxiety attack.  The fear crippled me and I felt like I was chained to the floor.  I’m scared of becoming one of those people who settle for a mediocre life because they’re too afraid of being gutsy and taking risks.

I returned to the States briefly to get my visa and work permit approved by the U.S. Embassy to teach in Thailand, and by the second day that I was back in the City of Brotherly Love, I wanted to leave again to avoid falling back into a mundane, unsatisfying lifestyle that I once had.

I thought working through the culture shock of life in Prague would be difficult, but as it turns out, my biggest culture shock has been returning to the States and trying to fit in again.  Nothing changed since I left, and people don’t care about my stories now that I’m back.  A friend warned me about this over lunch.  I didn’t want to believe it, but as I started reconnecting with more friends and acquaintances, I discovered that he was right (I hate when he’s always right).  I felt more lost returning to America than I did wandering the cobblestone streets of Prague.

I always thought that everyone around me was changing – new jobs, new relationships, making babies – but the truth is, I’m the one who’s changing, and everyone else is standing still, feet stuck in the cement.

Five months ago, my biggest fear was moving to Prague.  Those five months flew by, I survived living in Prague (and I truly loved it), and now my biggest fear is becoming inadequate, unhappy, and settling for mediocrity.

So much of my life has changed (for the better) in a short amount of time.  I guess sometimes change is exactly what we need to live our best life.

{Photo credit: David Reece}

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Ten Years Later – From High-School To Right Now

posted 25th February 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

June 4, 2001 – High School graduation day.

I was wearing a white dress, a white cap and gown, and walking down a cement hill leading onto the track on a rainy evening with 300 of my classmates.  We walked out to a song that wasn’t Pomp and Circumstance (because my school couldn’t get it right), holding index cards with our name written out phonetically on it so the Principal would announce it correctly as we walked across the stage.

It was a day I had been waiting for since my Freshman year, because to me, graduating from High School meant officially entering Adulthood – moving out of my mother’s house and living on campus, meeting new friends, joining sororities and student organizations, scheduling my own classes, going to parties, not having a curfew, and living the independent lifestyle I had been craving since I walked into high-school.

And then it happened.

Fast Forward: Late January, 2011.

I logged into Facebook and saw an invitation to my 10 Year High School reunion.

< insert emotional breakdown here >

“Holy shit,” I thought to myself,“Where the hell did those ten years go?  And how do I get them back?!”

After graduation I had a plan: graduate from college, graduate from law school, work for the Federal Government, travel the world, and get married by the age of 30.

Clearly that was my imaginary plan, because my actual plan consisted of: graduating from college, losing my mother, moving to Philadelphia and drinking my body weight in vodka, sabotaging friendships, getting my heart broken, spiraling into depression three times, and getting bitch-slapped with a Quarterlife Crisis.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future.  Planning for it.  Trying to predict it.  As if figuring it out will cushion the blow.  But the future is always changing.  The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes.  But one thing is certain -  when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. At least it wasn’t for me.

I thought by now I would have my shit together.  Ten years is plenty of time to get through law school and become a Special Agent for the F.B.I., or finish culinary school and open up my own restaurant.  Yet here I am at 27, single, childless, unemployed and freaking out because my classmates have gotten married, had babies, traveled, and lived these rock-star lives and I feel like I’ve failed miserably.

I’m not saying I need a relationship or a child or a fancy-schmancy ‘Corporate Executive’ title to validate my accomplishments since high school, but I just want to feel like I’ve done something with my life these last ten years that doesn’t involve empty bottles of alcohol, depression, and broken hearts.

Why are we so quick to notice our failures instead of our achievements?

“Look, I did what I was supposed to do – graduated, got a job, and married before I was 30, and now look at me.  Look how well that turned out.  Would you really be happier if you lived the life you planned, rather than the life you’re living now?”

My friend, a successful business man in his late thirties with an MBA, who is currently going through a divorce.  After having a conversation about high school reunions, I got to thinking:

Why do we insist on growing up so quickly and having our lives all figured out by the time we’re 30?  And for those of us who don’t have it figured out right now, why do we feel like we’ve failed?

Truth is, I don’t think I would be happier had my life gone according to plan.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I know there’s a reason why I lost my parents and battled cancer at such a young age.  I also believe that this Quarterlife Crisis hit at a time when I really needed to figure myself out.  Even if I don’t have all of the answers yet, perhaps I’m one step closer to finding them.

I can’t help but wonder – of my high school classmates who are married, have children, and have fancy schmancy jobs, how many of them are authentically happy?

Maybe I’ll find out at my reunion.



{photo credit: Bredgur}

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The End

posted 28th January 2011    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Really?  This is it?  This is my last post for Stratejoy?  I think I might cry.

These past six months have been incredible–life changing, actually.  I am so grateful for the amazing women I have connected with during my time here.  Doni, Marian, Renee, Nikki, and Lindsey are going places, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to have been a witness to their journey.  I am grateful for Molly and the work that she does.  She’s the real deal y’all.  The older sister I wish I had: authentic, warm, uplifting and now one of my most favorite people on Earth.  If it weren’t for her, Stratejoy, my trusty old Joy Plan, and these ladies, I am quite certain the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 would not have rocked so hard.

I learned so much about myself.  Thanks to the Joy Equation, I feel empowered.  I finally figured out what it is that I truly value in life.  I reached limits and set boundaries.  I learned (am still learning) that it’s okay to not be perfect and that my imperfections are actually what make me beautiful.  I found comfort in solidarity.  And I’ve said this before, but for someone who lives with depression, one of the most important aides in my healing is knowing that I am not alone.  Now, I am stronger.  I know that this quarterlife crisis is manageable.  I will live through it.  I am living through it.  You will live through it.

I have been able to share with you stories that I’ve never even told my best of friends.  (Amazing how the internet can help you open up and expand, isn’t it?)  And because of that my soul is lighter.  My very first post, which is probably my favorite, was a painful story that I had been trying to tell for years.  I had no idea how much that story dragged me down–kept me stuck–until I told it.  Thankfully, your kind words help me heal and move on.

So to the ladies of Season 4, I wish you much luck.  (Though with Molly and the other wonderful women you will meet through Stratejoy, you’ll be just fine.)  If I can offer any advice to you it would be to always be open and honest.  Never be afraid or embarrassed to share your stories.  Chances are there are others out there who will read it, and like me, breathe a sigh relief knowing that they aren’t the only ones.

But most importantly, have fun; connect with one another; connect with the Stratejoy community; make new friends; and enjoy the ride.

Thank you all for standing beside me, loving me, encouraging me, and inspiring me on this journey.  Until next time. . . .

[Note from the coach: You, gorgeous soul, you.  You don't even know how much I admire you- a young woman with a family who hasn't forgotten that she needs to fill herself up first- in order to be present, giving, and compassionate for those she loves.  I know it's not always easy and I know you feel like you've got so many more things you want to accomplish, create, be....  Believe me when I say this, Alisha, you are enough as you are.  And with that fierce self love that you've discovered, the extra sparkly bits will find their way in.

Thank you, thank you for being real.  I know all of us have appreciated your willingness to dive into the dark (and the light!) and to share it with us through such lovely, heart felt writing.  I appreciate you.  And adore you.  And cannot wait until we meet in person so I can cover you (and your kidlets) in kisses.  All the good in the world, with love,  Molly]

(photo credit)

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