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Facing My Fear of Goals

posted 17th September 2011 Written by: Elyse CATEGORY: Elyse, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

One of my fiercest foes is The Goal. Every few months (or at least on January 1^st), I set my jaw and wag my finger at The Goal. “I will SET you, and unlike the Showtime Rotisserie, I will NOT forget you.” Alas, The Goal gets the best of me and distracts me with TV shows, bouts of laziness and more shiny things.

We were challenged to set some goals for our time writing for Stratejoy Season 5, and I cringed, knowing what a terrible goal-setter I am. Before, my goals always sort of wrote themselves because it was expected of me: good grades, graduate from high school, more good grades, graduate from college. Now that I’m on my own and can pretty much do whatever I want, my goals are about as ambitious as willing myself not to eat cake for breakfast. I attribute my dislike of goal-setting to my inability to settle on a path and my fear of making life-changing decisions. If I set goals, I change my mind or simply give up and then I feel like a quitter or a failure. I’ve been rewarded in the few times I’ve sort of just lived my life without any real direction by stumbling upon something great, but this can’t always be the case. I know that in my head. Perhaps Stratejoy Goal #1 is simply sticking with a goal?

I read a great quote in a post by Molly. In “Starting Over and Over and Over” , she says (regarding goal-setting:) “If you’re feeling paralyzed or overwhelmed, stop preparing. Start doing. Begin being.”

What a powerful thought. What a powerful, swift kick in my ass, actually. Goals don’t have to be scary and if I fail, I fail. If I change my mind, I change my mind. There is no reason I need to keep preparing to make some goals because I’m putting my life on hold if I don’t make some decisions right now. Here are some goals straight from my gut:

#1 Stick with ONE of these goals.

#2 Further explore the concept of minimalism. (What is minimalism? Joshua and Ryan do a great job of explaining this concept here.)

#3 Get moving. This might involve FINALLY taking those yoga classes or just taking a walk every night. I’m lazy. I like the couch. What can I say?

#4 Continue the quest for healthy eating. I’ve cut out most processed foods and eat meat only on occasion. I want to keep getting better at this.

#5 Fully embrace my Americorps experience. (What this means may come only with time spent in Americorps.)

#6 Create a financial plan that works towards eliminating all of my credit card debt

#7 Begin learning to play the guitar

Seven goals. They are probably not all the most easily measured or well thought out, but I knew if I didn’t just DO it, I’d never write anything down. I promise to be honest about them. I also promise to continue thinking about them. Perhaps I’ll set more goals or get more specific as time goes on. Bring it on, Goals. Bring it on.

Update a few hours later – Remember when a few lines ago I promised to be honest about my goals? A few hours after writing this post, I was catching up on some blogs I read and came across Leo Babauta from Zen Habits‘s post about having NO goals. In full disclosure, I started immediately fretting over the goals I had just written up for this site and what people would think of me if I ever claimed to have no goals. Leo’s post really resonated with me but another part of me said it was BS and goals were completely necessary to accomplish things in life. I really would love to hear what people think about this. Goals or living life without them?

{Photo Credit: angietorres}

Starting Over (and over and over)

posted 12th July 2011 Written by: Molly Mahar CATEGORY: Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

Each day is a chance to start over.

Each moment is an opportunity to bring yourself into the present moment, releasing the anger about the past or the anxiety about the future. Each new sunrise gives you the openness of a new day, a day you can deliberately choose to live in support of your dreams or not.

You have a choice. Today is offering itself up to YOU.

That thing you keep talking about doing or being… It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be world changing. It doesn’t have to matter to anyone but you.

But you do need to do it.

Now.

It doesn’t matter to me if you didn’t start yesterday. I don’t care if you’ve been thinking about it for years without doing anything about it. Those choices to put it off? They are in the past.

You can make a different choice today. It’s completely within your power, gorgeous.

Maybe it feels like you’ve already started? You’ve read a dozen books, talked to several experts, and immersed yourself in the peripheral culture. All that preparation is not the same as action. Gathering inspiration and knowledge is vital, but when you’re using it to procrastinate or as a protective shield, it’s not helping you one bit.

If you’re feeling paralyzed or overwhelmed, stop preparing. Start doing. Begin being.

Action can arm you with just as much clarity as thought.

Want to meditate? Awesome. Get your butt on a cushion with an egg timer. Like now.

Want to be kinder towards your family? Great. Think of one action you can do immediately and do it. Write a letter of forgiveness? Skip cleaning the kitchen and have a special date with one of your kids this morning? Send your mom a goofy present in the mail?

Want to start an Etsy shop? Rockin’. Take the first step. Whether that’s opening your account, photographing your art, or coming up with an name for your crafty genius- take one small action now.

Start over today. And then start over again tomorrow.

Once you create a little momentum, you can plot and develop and set some juicy goals and recruit accountability. I’m still a big fan of all those supportive methods of sustaining a big dream.

I also realize that we can get overwhelmed by all that planning and never actually START.

(Insert me giving you a huge bear hug, looking you straight in the eyes, and asking you, “Honey- what do you want to do TODAY? Let’s do it. Let’s blow off some plans or work or cleaning the closet and start something. I’m so, so in.”)

I’m feeling intimately familiar with this concept of starting over, as I’ve landed in a new city, with a new apartment, new schedule (hello early mornings!), and new family responsibilities. I’m trying my best to craft supportive days for my business, my sanity, my art, my playfulness.

Some days I’ve failed. Some days I’ve rocked it.

It’s this beginner mindset–this realization that each day is brand new–that is really helping me.

So what if I threw myself a little pity party yesterday because I miss my familiar city and my pals? Today, I can embrace the adventure of a new neighborhood by hopping on my bike and meeting my banker. So what if I haven’t actually gone swimming in that huge pool two blocks away? Today, I can break out my goggles and dive in.

Literally.

What are you going to dive into today? What are you going to start? I’d love to hear.

My goals, They’re a Changin’

posted 13th April 2011 Written by: Laura CATEGORY: Inspiration, Laura, Life Lesson, Season 4

When I hopped on this Stratejoy blogging train, I knew that committing to three specific goals was part of the deal. Seemed like a great idea. You know, so I can report back and share what I learned and experienced along the way.

Well guess what? We’re less than three months in and I’ve hit a bit of a rough patch. I’ve decided to kibosh not one but TWO of my goals.

Uh oh. A failure detector should start going off now, shouldn’t it? Goals are meant to be achieved, are they not? To Do lists are meant to be crossed off, yes?

Well, as I spend more time talking with Molly, listening to my own thoughts and instincts, and learning from like-minded people such as yourselves, I’m discovering that’s not necessarily the case.

Goals are meant to be exploratory and motivating. They’re meant to encourage us to ask for more for ourselves and our lives…for no other reason than we deserve it. But goals also represent a point in time. They were established and embraced on a certain day, with certain thoughts and feelings and assumptions as context around them. So when those thoughts, feelings and assumptions change – and they often do – our goals might end up feeling a little less worthy of our effort.

That’s exactly what happened to me. My goals worked well for the person I was in February months ago, but they don’t fit so nicely with the person I am now. Instead of wasting time chasing after two accomplishments that I wouldn’t even enjoy or feel inspired to complete, I’m bailing on them.

But, since I can’t leave you (or myself) hanging, I’ve come up with two new goals that I feel a little more excited about.

Old Goal #1: Run a half marathon.

New Goal #1: Run a 10 km…and maybe a half marathon later this year.

The rationale: I’ve ran half marathons before. And I’m confident that I will again some day….in fact, I already have tentative plans for running one in October. I enjoy the challenge, the stretching of well-used leg muscles, the discipline of training, and the adrenaline rush and exhilaration of running among a crowd. But right now, I don’t need another challenge.

What I need is to swing my pendulum from the “over achiever” side into the “easy come, easy go” side.

Then, and only then, will I learn how to settle somewhere in the middle, playing the ambitious role sometimes and the chilled out role other times.

I’m still committing to getting in better shape, that hasn’t changed. But instead of following a tough and disciplined training schedule right now, I’m going to focus on variety. On going outside if I hear my sneakers calling my name. Or hitting the gym if it’s raining and cold out. Or going for a lane swim, if I’m in the mood for a quick, all-over workout. Or, going to yoga whenever I’m craving more of a mind-body connection. I’m going to cut myself some slack and just go with the flow.

And since I’m already registered for the Bluenose Marathon, I’m going to drop down to running the 10km. It’s a totally achievable target that will still lead me to feel physically stronger and more alive than I do today. Now that sounds like a goal I can get behind!

Old Goal #2: Share my story with a group of women in my community.

New Goal #2: Draft a book proposal.

The rationale: This one’s pretty simple. First of all, I love the being an analyzing, instinct-embracing, ballsy woman. I love sharing optimistic perspectives, personal realizations and insights with others. Second, I dream of writing a book some day. I don’t have a solid idea, I don’t even have a first chapter. I have nothing but a wish and a prayer…and fear. Conclusion? Instead of waiting, I’m just going to start. A dear friend of mine sent me a book proposal template that has come highly recommended to her. I’m going to take it and see what I can come up with. I’m going to organize the thoughts floating around in my head into a first draft of a book proposal.

I have no idea what’s going to come out. It might be total crap. I don’t even know where I’m going to find the time or clarity of mind right now to do this. But I’m going to. Because it’s important to me. And it’s what my heart wants; even if it makes no logical sense.

I don’t have a formulated plan for building an Internet-famous blog, going on a speaking tour, and creating a tribe of followers. I had intended to come up with one, which is why writing a motivational speech of some sort in order to build some profile seemed like a good goal at first.

But, I’ve decided to say fuck it (as I often do). I’ve decided to rip the band-aid off and start writing. Maybe that proposal will go in a file never to be seen again. Maybe it’ll be so bad, all I’ll be able to do is laugh. Maybe it’ll turn into a free e-book I can give away. Maybe it’ll become a presentation I can deliver after all…some day, somewhere. Maybe I’ll be inspired to keep writing book proposal, after book proposal until years from now, something sticks. I don’t know.

But right now, something inside me says that trying is better than knowing. It also says that listening to yourself if better than telling yourself.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

{Photo credit}

My Life Was An Optical Illusion

posted 9th February 2011 Written by: Laura CATEGORY: Laura, Season 4, What I've Learned

Let’s rewind about six months, to last summer. Here’s what my life looked like:

I was working too much. At my own business, which was a bonus, but still with a strive-achieve-produce mindset. I was going to yoga and loved how hard it was, but hadn’t yet begun to settle in to it. I was carrying 10 extra pounds that I hadn’t yet accepted and was cranky with the slow, hateful process of chasing a former, more fit version of me. I was discovering my passion for entrepreneurship and it was making me extremely restless. I wanted many projects, many businesses, many successes and I wanted them RIGHT NOW.

I was swirling with a desire to move forward, yet was held back by a longing to slow down.

That dichotomy – that feeling of being torn and not knowing which option you truly want – is why I’m here, sharing with all of you. Because I know I’m not the only one who battles with producing vs. creating, with pushing vs. being. I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how to balance achievement and peace, but really wants to figure it out.

The truth about my life six months ago is that it was an optical illusion.

It was drastically improved over the six months prior, when I was slaving away for a boss I didn’t respect, in an environment that constricted me, with no energy or patience left for myself or my loved ones. Compared to that, things looked good. Great, even. But when I looked past the illusion and called its bluff, I saw that I was still nowhere near being fulfilled.

I was nowhere near living authentically.

That realization sucked. It felt like the reveal of a big truth, like being told Santa Clause doesn’t exist. I think offering our unique gifts to the world is what life’s all about. Living my best life is important to me because it’s what I’m meant to do. But it’s not easy and it takes effort, and I just hadn’t been pulling my weight.

So in mid-August, I cracked open Stratejoy’s Gutsy Girl’s Guide to Success and dedicated an entire weekend to workshopping through it with my BFF. The questions it posed were tough, but the answers were invigorating and insightful. They left me with a clear picture of what being me looks like. Especially these ones:

I refer to those answers often, but I haven’t yet completed a plan for how to action them. I’m working on it and hope to share it with you soon. In the meantime, I’m committing to three things. Because I need to start somewhere. I need to leap and just trust that I’m going to land somewhere better.

Within the next six months I will:

1. Run a half marathon. I’ve ran half marathons before, but it’s been a few years. The discipline, commitment and time it takes feels unfamiliar to me now. But I want to remember the joy of running often and the exhilaration of running far. I want to feel my muscles really work. It makes me feel alive. So I’ve registered for a race on May 22nd.

2. Share my story with a group of women in my community. My journey to authenticity is only just beginning, but I’ve already learned a ton about owning up to who you are and are not, getting real about your dreams, creating a values-based business, and becoming passionate about your life. I want to combine those learnings into a compelling story I can present live, in person. I want to take my ability to inspire people to another level.

3. Watch the sunrise and like it. Sounds simple, but it’s not. It’ll require me to be taking care of myself enough that getting up before dawn feels good, not awful. It’ll require me to pause long enough to sit there, watch, and feel the beauty of a new day. That means not checking email or stressing about what I need to that day or rushing off somewhere immediately afterwards. No! I will sit, be, appreciate, and like every second of it.

[Note from Coach Molly: Oh, Laura, you and I are two sides of the same coin! When your striving grabs hold, you work harder. Push with bigger effort. When the striving grabs me, I get overwhelmed and frightened and tend to retreat... Neither will help us flourish in the ways we desire. Love, love, love that you are owning up to your tendency and how it is at odds with the life you want to lead. And I'm super psyched to support you with these three lovely goals, both here on the blog and in Group.]

{Photo credit: My vision board for 2011.}

How To Create Your Personal Theme

posted 17th January 2011 Written by: Molly Mahar CATEGORY: Creativity, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

So, it’s 19 days into January…. How is 2011 so far? Loving it? Hating it? Just surviving?

You may have already created your New Years Resolutions, or personal goals, or even chosen a word for 2011. But if you haven’t settled on a theme, a guiding intention for your year- I’ve got a free 55 minute call to help you out!!

Yes. You asked for it. A recording of the Theme Call!

After sharing this call with over 70 amazing women last Tuesday, I wanted to make it available to all of you who missed it, especially after I got this adorable email that night.

If these 55 minutes can give you any sort of epiphanies or aha moments… My job is complete!

Hi Molly,

It was wonderful to hear your voice again – it always makes me smile. The call tonight was really great, and definitely got some wheels turning in my head.

Coming out of 2010 I knew I wanted to make changes so that 2011 will be an AMAZING year, but I hadn’t gotten too far past that. But tonight, when you said to ask “What is it time for?”, something just clicked. The only thing I could think about was how I need to stop trying to live up to other people’s expectations (real or perceived) of me, and just be Mandy (whoever she turns out to be!). Which explains why I never got beyond wanting to make change, but not knowing how.

I’ve always lived my life trying to exceed the expectations of those around me – parents, teachers, friends, bosses. And in doing so, I’ve essentially allowed myself to be swayed by their opinions and essentially got them to make most of my decisions for me. It served me well growing up, but now it’s stopping me from living up to my potential.

I’m going to keep working on the wording of my theme, but I know that it’s going to revolve around me making decisions because they make me feel happy, excited, energized, motivated. 2011 is going to be a year of discovering who I am today. Getting curious about what makes my heart sing and then adding more of it into my life. I definitely think that by adding more positivity all around, the negativity and self-doubt and fear of failure will slowly get pushed out. There’s so much opportunity out there, but I can’t fully go after it until I start taking pride in myself and my accomplishments.

And…I’m just feeling really empowered right now. All thanks to you! I can’t wait for our paths to cross again (hopefully sooner rather than later).

xoxo, Mandy

Inspired to listen and started working on your theme? Me too. Create Away! And don’t forget to share your themes over on Facebook so we can all cheer you on!

How To Create Your Personal Theme:

Download

[photo credit : jessandthecity]

Archive

Facing My Fear of Goals

Starting Over (and over and over)

If you’re feeling paralyzed or overwhelmed, stop preparing. Start doing. Begin being.

It’s this beginner mindset–this realization that each day is brand new–that is really helping me.

My goals, They’re a Changin’

My Life Was An Optical Illusion

How To Create Your Personal Theme

How To Create Your Personal Theme:

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