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Life Is Not a Lottery, Winning and Happiness are a Choice

posted 15th August 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: All Posts, Life Lesson, Lindsey, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Ever since I grew into the moody little sparkplug of twelve or so, I’d always have the same wish when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake: “To be happy.”

Vague, right? But, I figured, if I were just happy, everything else in my life would magically fall into place. Woo hoo! Happiness fairy! Thank you for finally granting my wish! Now I am truly alive!

Yep. Not how life works, much to the chagrin of my naïve young self.

I wouldn’t say I lived an unhappy life, just unconscious. Unaware of who I was or what I wanted, and therefore, unable to even begin to understand my happiness. I didn’t have my priorities worked out, because that required introspection. To just exist, glide along, and fill the societal-defined mold of “success” as I had done, doesn’t really require any inner work.

The ability to Do-What-I-Want and Live-My-Best-Life didn’t exist in my mind, when obligations to grades or career responsibilities were more valued than taking time to explore the concept of passion and authentic happiness.

Happiness, for me, is a choice to be passionate rather than stoically blindly driven towards someone else’s vision of success.

Last year, I left on a post-college freedom fighting tour of the country, seeking to do only things that made me happy. It was amazing. I had time to breathe, and be introspective, and get the butterflies you can only get from fully immersing yourself within your passions and experiencing complete happiness.

But I hit a wall. Enter: Quarterlife Crisis.

Or, several months of optimistically flipping from “ah, I’m a snowboarder and a traveler and I’ll start a business and be free to do whatever I want!” and “life is awesome and full of happiness. I can just keep on livin’ on the fringe and do what I love.” to “holy shit I am a complete failure!” and “If one more jackass drinks 8 diet cokes with their Applebee’s Fiesta Lime Chicken dinner I will bring a samurai sword to work!”

(Oh, hi, by the way, I am kind of crazy. In an endearing way.)

I was successful in defining my happiness and dreams, but achieving them with a minimum wage job sucks. Turning towards a responsible life: well… but… I DID that already…and it definitely didn’t feel authentic. Yet something was still missing from my life.

There is a part of me that loves to dance like crazy, jump off cliffs, laugh far too loud than any situation will demand. That feeling I get snowboarding deep powder or lifting off in a trans-continental jet or (well, there is a lot, I will spare you). These things make me happy. They are my passions; they make me feel alive.

On the flip-side, I have deep sense of responsibility. Not the lame “oh, I must make money to put in my 401K” but a sense that I have something to contribute to the world (other than awesomely-bad dance moves). And just thinking about following through on this, makes me feel even more alive.

I know what makes me happy, and I now know how to have it. But my mission has evolved to more than be happy but rather to define, create, and live out loud, a completely authentic life.

I’m a person of extremes. Driven, passionate, and hopelessly dramatic. Since I don’t actually plan on living in Crazytown forever, finding balance is super important. Actually, I am working on my Joy Equation this month and have declared BALANCE one of my Core Values!

This Quarterlife Crisis revolves around finding balance in the far edge of extremes. In creating a life where it’s okay to live completely, authentically as yourself. Sometimes that means cliff jumping and hiding out on a secluded beach for weeks on end. But other times it’s about contribution, of the mind and heart, to something greater, evening if that something greater is simply being the best person you can be, and sharing that with your world.


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You Owe It to the World to Be Yourself

posted 24th March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Inspiration, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” –Oscar Wilde

I recently finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a chronicle of Gretchen’s life as she spends a year following the advice of happiness gurus and researchers alike, attempting to make herself happier.

As part of the project, Gretchen made a list of Twelve Commandments, or overarching principles, that she would use as a guide during her year of improved happiness.  The first of these commandments was:  Be Gretchen.

At first glance, this particular commandment didn’t stand out to me.  You’ve probably heard this advice innumerable times — from your mom, your dad, a teacher, a friend.

Just be yourself.

I always took this advice to mean to act like yourself.  Such as, if you’re in a new social situation or meeting new people, just act like yourself and people will like you.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize:  there’s more to that advice than simply acting like yourself.  Be yourself also encompasses accepting yourself. Be proud of who you are; don’t apologize for what you like and what you don’t like.  Embrace the personality traits that make you unique, that make you you.

For instance, I’ve never been one to get really excited about going out to bars or clubs, especially late at night.  Sure, I’ve had some fun times on the dance floor until the wee hours.  But, in general, I enjoy going to sleep early.  I like waking up when the sun rises, not stumbling in from a night on the town and heading to bed.

For years, I felt bad about this tendency.  I had many friends that liked staying up late and going out at night. In an effort to not seem boring, I attempted to make myself enjoy those things too. When I did go out with them, I usually had a great time — so I took that as a sign that obviously I did enjoy being awake at 2:00 AM, mingling with other night owls at the bar.

But here’s the thing — though I may enjoy that scenario on occasion, I can honestly say that if I followed that routine every weekend, I would collapse.  My body, my personality — I’m simply not made for it.

I’ve known for years that I’m an introvert.  I enjoy alone time.  Baking cupcakes, reading a good book or spending a weekend on an art project — that’s my idea of a good time. And yet, it has taken me years to accept these things in myself, to stop trying to change myself in an effort to fit some mythical mold of what society deems appropriate.

Are you an introvert, extrovert or somewhere in between?  Embrace the person that you are.  Don’t force yourself to be something that you’re not, simply because you think that’s the way you should be.

Don’t force yourself to like things just because you think you should enjoy them.

If you’re surrounded by a bunch of books worms and academics but what you really love is karaoke and rock climbing, then by all means, honor what you love.  Stand out from the crowd.  Be bold.  Be different.  Don’t attempt to squeeze yourself into a mold that simply doesn’t fit. Find the things that you enjoy — the things that make you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning and rushing off to do seize the day.

In the end, those are the things that will make you happy.

A happy person brings more joy to those around them than an unhappy person.  Thus, you owe it to the world to be yourself.

photo credit: pasotraspaso

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