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Acknowledging the Inner Critic and Other Committee Members

posted 18th October 2011    Written by: Ashley    CATEGORY: All Posts, Ashley, Season 5, What I've Learned

This week in Molly’s PYOT group, we dug deep to discuss our inner critic and committee members. It wasn’t an easy topic with lots of words like “judgment”, “normal”, “perfect”, “comparing” and “censoring”, but I think it was something we all needed to hear.

We covered four major committee members as they are discussed in Tim Kelley’s book, True Purpose. At the end of the call, Molly challenged us to examine our relationship with our committee members and to think about the ways they are helping us and how they are holding us back. It seems almost counterproductive to think that our inner critics could be helping us, but they can. The challenge is learning to balance the understanding that the voices have a role, but also knowing that they are not always speaking the truth.

The Protector

My Protector makes sure that I stay safe and, for me,  she isn’t a huge burden most of the time. She allows me to make rational decisions like going to work on Monday morning instead of running off to Europe, even though that sounds like much more fun. I appreciate her logical side and the fact that she calculates risks before jumping in feet first. She helps me stay responsible, dependable, and organized. However, at times she has also taken a back seat and allowed me to go zip-lining in Belize (even though, OMG I could have died!), book a cruise after I graduated despite my empty bank account, and take a chance to see where love might take me.

The Critic/Judge

“Negative Nellie” has been losing her strength and power over the last few years, but she still pokes her sword at me when she can.  When she’s attacking, she likes to tell me I am not thin enough, not smart enough, not outgoing enough, and not motivated enough. She made me question if I was “enough” to apply to write for Stratejoy. She loves comparing me to other women. She likes to see who is skinnier, who went to the best school, who is making the most money, and who seems to be the happiest. She tells me I will not be “good enough” until my stomach is flat, my student loans are paid off, and I own my own house. She really gets on my nerves and makes me angry, but she also pushes me to try harder. And I really need that sometimes. She encourages me to double check my finances, clean my apartment and run that extra mile. She makes me focus on my work and is the first to tell me I can do better.  She is learning that she can turn the comparison game into the inspiration game and a place where I can plant seeds for personal growth.

The Image Consultant

This gal is my toughest committee member, for sure. She is worried about what other people think of me, how they will react, and she coaches me how to behave accordingly. She is making me wonder what you think while you’re reading this. She tells me that no one will like me unless I am exactly what they want me to be. She wants me to be the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, and the perfect employee. And because of that, she holds my tongue and makes me hide behind superficial walls. She is the one who tells me it’s best if I pretend to be happy rather than show how I really feel. She thinks you won’t like her if she is sad, angry, or in a bad mood. She believes I shouldn’t say what I’m thinking or explain how I’m feeling because it might hurt someone’s feelings, or make them think I’m rude/selfish/ignorant. At the same time, she makes me aware of how my actions affect other people and makes me a kinder, more empathetic person. But if I’m not careful, she influences how I fix my hair or makes me wonder which shirt you will like better. She can be seductive and make me change who I am in order to adapt to my audience. She is the voice I notice most often and the one I most want to quiet. With her deceitful thoughts, she causes me to lose my spark of authenticity which leaves me feeling fake and empty.

The Skeptic

My Skeptic is the voice that says “we need convincing and evidence before we can believe anything”. She causes me to question my faith and religion, which can be a good thing, but is also very frustrating. She is helping me uncover what I truly believe, and doesn’t allow me to settle for what I’ve been taught. She can make me reluctant to chase big dreams. She makes me wonder if hard work is worth it and those dreams to be a certified yoga teacher and a cartoon voice actor? She thinks they will never happen. In rare circumstances she can also make me assume the worst of people. She has been hurt before, so she will question your authenticity and wonder where your intentions lie. But in this role she has also has saved my heart from being broken and has served as a shield to my sometimes-naive spirit.

Now when I start doubting myself, comparing, conforming or questioning, I take a step back and try to see what’s really going on. I search for what is making me feel vulnerable and pinpoint which of my committee members is spearheading the feeling. Being able to recognize which voice is talking is helpful in acknowledging the fear and moving past it.

How are your committee members helping you and holding you back?

 [photo credit: Me- My drawing of my Inner Critic]

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Tell Negative Nellie to Shut Up

posted 15th March 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

I know this is a blog faux pas, but I apologize for slacking on posting.

Why have I been slacking? Good question.

I could list several reasons “why” that will impress you since I’m the big cheese over here: I’ve been asked to guest blog on so many sites I can’t keep up with my own, I’ve been practicing Vipassana mediation 2 hours daily, or I’m taking the Tim Ferris approach to doing as little as possible & still making oodles of money.

Unfortunately, none of those are true.

So, why haven’t I been writing?  It’s pretty cut & dry.  I was letting Negative Nellie talk me down.

She was all up in my face with her “Why are you wasting so much effort on this silly blog?” and “No one cares what you have to say”.  She was whispering in my ear, “F..A..I..L..U..R..E” and “Who are you to think you can create something out of nothing?” Read more…

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