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Meaning in the Mountains

posted 10th September 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, Family, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

I went to Colorado to get away–to vacate.  I went to breathe the fresh air, worship the mountains, drink in the sunsets.  I went to love.  I went to share.  I went to be inspired.  I went to be still.

Instead, my days were filled with tension.  My Blackberry wasn’t on my hip, but I could hear it buzzing in my purse.  Each morning I woke up well before dawn, unable to sleep, anxious about work.

About three months ago I was propositioned by a friend to work with her on a new retail e-commerce business.  She emailed me the role and its responsibilities.  It all seemed so overwhelming so I asked her for a few days to think it over.  My gut told me to say “no”.  Intuition told me that my day-job as a stay-at-home mom was just too intense at the moment to take on another time-consuming project.  However, my mind wanted to reason with me.  It promised to deliver big in the money department; I saw the potential and the money-hungry part of me responded.  It gently coaxed me into accepting the position.  I ignored my gut–my intuition–and I have paid dearly for it.

Though I am proud of what I have accomplished in my role (contract negotiations, copywriting, hiring interns, accounting), it came with great sacrifice.  I let it hijack my life.  The time I used to spend on my morning pages was replaced with reconciling emails.  I have not written in my blog in almost three weeks and I have not read any of them either.  Time spent at the park was instead spent indoors writing copy.  Playdates were shortened or eliminated; dry-cleaning was forgotten; loads of laundry sat in corners and in closets unfolded.  If I was sleep deprived before, I was even more so now.  Coffee intake increased in order to compensate for the late-night hours I spent researching,writing, emailing.

I kept telling myself that this was only temporary; that I just needed to put in this time now in order for the reward later.   But my kids weren’t happy.  My husband wasn’t happy.  I wasn’t happy.   Around the time I started to finally accept this, was about the same time I finished up Week 1 of The Joy Equation.  As I sat there and looked at my core values (Authenticity, Abundance, Connection, Family, Freedom, Integrity, Spirituality, Trust) I realized that the way I was living my life at the moment was not in accordance with those values.  I didn’t want to quit; I had made a committment after all.

But finally, after tossing and turning for the first 4 nights of my 6-night vacation, I sent a letter to my friend requesting a decrease in responsibilities.  It was granted.  The last two nights I slept like a baby.

There was something about those mountains…. Their beauty, their strength, the stories they tell.  In a way, they reminded me of myself–of what I hope to be: a story-teller, strong, majestic, inspiring.  In those mountains I found some strength to set a boundary, to acknowledge what does and does not work in my life, and the courage to change it.  Let this be a recurring theme.

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Self Trust: How to Practice Trusting Yourself

posted 26th February 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

How’s your power of self trust?

Do you have trouble making big decisions for yourself, by yourself?  Do you feel the need to crowd source your next step, your vacation destination, the decision to quit your job?

When you asking others for their opinions, listing out the pros, the cons and the justifications– Are you looking for inspiration? Confirmation of a decision?  Or are you seeking the ability to blame someone else’s instincts should things go wrong?

Gaining a wider exposure to options is amazing.  The access to information we have at our fingertips is extraordinary (and overwhelming!). Soaking up knowledge from someone who’s “been there, done that” is useful.

But…  Letting your Twitter followers make major life decisions for you is a sign that you don’t trust your own instincts.  Relying on your parents or your partner or your gaggle of girlfriends to “decide” points to reliance. 

Remaining in a constant state of indecision is draining on you and all those in your life.

We’re so used to looking outside ourselves for answers, perhaps we’ve forgotten we’re capable of making decisions for ourselves!

We have to trust in our ability to handle what life throws at us, to make the big decisions on our own.  If we don’t have that self trust, we’ll be walking around in a state of fear, a cloud of dependence.

Do we not trust ourselves because we’re constantly bombarded with messages that we’re not enough? Not pretty enough?  Not productive enough?  Not successful enough?

What happened to knowing, at the deepest level, that we ARE enough?

“I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.” —Walt Whitman

Any of this ringing a bell?

I don’t have the end all, be all answer.  In fact, I’m writing about self trust because I’ve spent the last few weeks in a needy state of  “But what should I do?  How do I choose?  What happens if that’s wrong?  What if I fail?  Just tell me- what would you do?”

Ugly, I tell you.  The Big Man would agree…

So, I’m owning it.  I’m trying my very best to rely on the faith I have in myself.  The knowledge that I can handle whatever life throws at me. It’s my life after all.  I need to practice turning inward for the answers, trusting myself at the deepest level.  How?  Read on, sista’, read on.

How to Practice Self Trust

Pay attention to your physical reactions.

Start at the most basic level by really getting in touch with how your body feels.  Does one option give you a lift in your heart, a feeling of lightness?  Does another cramp your stomach?

I manifest stress through tightness in my shoulders and neck, resulting in massive headaches.  When I recognize that I’m suffering from my stress headaches, I have to ask myself- what is wrong?  Where is my life out of touch with my values, my personal integrity?

Consult your heart, not just your head.

Many of us well-educated women make all of our decisions with logic.  “It only makes sense to do… “Logically, I should…”  “It would be stupid not to…”  We have confidence that we can make the best decisions through excel spreadsheets and polls, on expected returns and majority opinions.

But you can be a confident, deliberate woman and still not trust yourself.  Self trust is not the same as confidence. As Jack Gibb writes in Trust “Confidence is more cerebral, more calculated, and based more on expectations than trust is. Trust can be and often is instinctive…. It is something very much like love.”

Have you ever walked into a new place, a new city and felt a sense of recognition?  Or met someone who feels like an old friend?  Pay attention to that reaction- your heart is trying to tell you something!

With decisions, can you access your intuition?  Your heart’s sense of right or wrong? Free from journaling is an amazing way to access your heart’s answers–no editing, no thinking too hard–just asking yourself a questions and letting an answer pour forth.

Make the decision already

The anxiety that accompanies ”indecision” can be debilitating and distracting.  It can go on so long that eventually you just accept it as your natural state.  Except that it isn’t…

When you’re not making a decision, it may be a case of your head battling your heart.  Or it may be that  choice conflicts with all the advice you’ve been given.  Allow for other’s opinions.

But then make your own.

Sometimes just making the decision, diving in, trusting your gut is the best thing to do.  Stop justifying your reasons for waiting, for pausing, for gathering more information.  Trust, baby, Trust.

It’s all within your power.

“When we trust ourselves, we can better navigate the waters of challenging emotional times-when we feel lost or grieving, angry, or afraid-believing somewhere in our hearts and souls that we will make it, even if we’re not sure how or when. We’re safe in our own care.”  –M.J Ryan

photo credit : chandrika221

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Why You Should Question Yourself

posted 7th November 2008    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Tips & Tools

I imagine that several readers will look at the title of this post and exclaim, “Question myself?  Why would I ever do that?  I have all the answers!”  And you know what?  I agree with them!

By suggesting that you question yourself, I’m definitely not telling you to doubt yourself. (Come on- I know we’re just beginning this journey together- but doubt?  That doesn’t sound like me!  It’s not an emotion I suggest wallowing in very often.) In fact, I think doubting yourself can be highly toxic. If you make it a habit, it shadows every new thought or idea that pops into your pretty head. It poisons new paths before you even get the chance to explore them. Are we clear, friend?  I’m not suggesting doubt, just questioning…

How do I Question Myself?  And Why?

Read more…

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