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Life Imitates Yoga Class

posted 7th February 2012    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

I remember the day my hamstrings loosened. I have kind of a terrible memory, so naturally I don’t recall the exact date. But oh, the feeling. I was in a yoga class last summer, about five or six months after my teacher training began. As I moved into parsvottanasana – a forward bend that makes me want to punch things challenges me – I noticed that something felt different. That day, my hamstrings didn’t scream quite so much as they had been for months prior. That day, there was space to go a little deeper. I inhaled, straightening and lengthening my spine. I exhaled, folding forward just a little more than I ever had before. It might only have been one-quarter or one-half of an inch, but there it was. Something had shifted, and I was present, breathing, noticing.

Now I have a confession: I didn’t accomplish any of the goals I set for myself way back when in my third post.

In my first few drafts of this post, I wrote an explanation here about why I didn’t complete them. But you know what?

It doesn’t matter.

I wasn’t ready.

Am I now? I think so.

Five months after the beginning of my Stratejoy journey, I’m getting that same feeling in my life as I did with my hamstrings last summer. There’s space now. Things are shifting.

* * * * *

Five months. 15 countries (including the United States and Canada). 37 beds, couches, futons, armchairs, air mattresses, and uncomfortable, questionably clean train seats. Thousands of photographs.

Have I changed? Good lord, yes.

How have I changed? That’s…more involved.

There are the obvious things, of course. I’m no longer working a 9-5 job. I no longer live in Brooklyn; my residence is still transient. I’ve put on weight. I drink coffee now, and I don’t spend as much time on the internet. I no longer hit snooze ten times when Joan Jett yells, “I don’t give a damn ’bout my bad reputation!” in my ear.

The more subtle stuff is harder to nail. Some days, I still feel stuck in the same patterns in which I’ve found myself for years. Other days, I feel like a new person. I frequently find myself feeling so fucking grateful for people, places, and moments that I want to explode with joy. I’m more at peace; I’ve shaken that stressed-out-hurry-hurry-frequently-annoyed attitude that I picked up during my six years in NYC. And overall, I’m feeling truly empowered and happy. I’m sure that there are other things, but those are the ones that I’ve figured out how to verbalize so far.

It seems that the nomadic lifestyle mostly works for me.

* * * * *

While preparing to write this, I took a look at my values from The Joy Equation, which I mentioned in my second post.

Connection. Bliss. Abundance. Trust. Adventure. Courage. Magic. Strength. Without even planning it, I’ve ended up posting about each of those over the past five months. I love when it’s suddenly clear that I’m on the right track, even when I hadn’t been planning every detail.

Seeing in concrete terms that I’m now living my core values feels really fucking amazing.

* * * * *

Though my time writing in this space ends with this post, my journey will continue. Today I’m on a flight back to New York. That was definitely not part of the original plan – but then again, neither was staying in Europe until February. I wanted time for yoga, tattoos, my favorite foods, and friends and family.

And then: Australia. I’m sad to leave Europe, and at the same time, I’m ready to develop a routine again. I’m excited to meet Kate and other new friends, and pumped to start teaching yoga again. I’m gearing up for summer, kickboxing classes, and maybe learning how to surf!

I hope you’ll continue following my adventure:

twitter: shinyredtype
facebook: pierced hearts and true love
blog: piercedheartsandtruelove.com
yoga teaching schedule: katselvocki.com

Thank you all for being a part of my QLC! And as Edward Abbey wrote, “May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view.”

[photo credit: my friend and travel buddy, Jenni]

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Conquering the Mission Holding Me Back

posted 29th September 2011    Written by: Dusti    CATEGORY: All Posts, Creativity, Dusti, Quarterlife Crisis

I’ve been grappling with writing this stupid manifesto for months now. I’ve known it’s needed written since May. I’m really excited to write it and share it with the world! But somehow, it keeps getting pushed to the backburner. Why?

Well, honestly, a couple of reasons.

I don’t have a solid grasp on what it needs to say. I want this short piece to form the foundation of everything else I do from this point on. The holy grail of my blog. The big idea – the mission – that inspires everyone else to get onboard and go with me wherever this crazy train goes.

That’s pressure. Self-applied pressure, granted, but still. What if I decide to change course midstream? Will my people still be behind me? Will they still be interested in sharing a mission and taking it to new heights on different levels? Will they even like the idea I start with?

For any of you familiar with the StrengthsFinder test, my chief strength is input. That means I absorb information like a sponge. I’m great at synthesizing ideas, but I have issues standing behind an idea or way of thinking for long because I’m constantly analyzing and adding new information.

Okay, confession time.

I’m afraid of commitment. Not like I can’t hold down a relationship type of commitment. It’s more like I’m terrified of committing to an idea or belief system. And it’s starting to hold me back.

That’s why I’ve been holding off on writing this thing. It’s a statement of what I believe and what I’m looking for. And being in the midst of a QLC, these are the major things I’ve been struggling with. Most of August, I felt like I was stuck and had no idea which direction to go next.

That’s when I started the Joy Equation. Now, being a writer in the lifestyle design niche, I’ve seen a LOT of personal development guides like it. I’ve even started a few of them.

But, as I started to go through the exercises, I found that I wasn’t just engaged – I was smiling the entire time I was going through the guide. Even with the tough topics, I was so happy just to have it written and out of my system! What a relief. I did think something – something I could stand behind without any doubt.

Like my values! I thought I had them pretty well refined, but it turned out I had been operating under limiting beliefs of sorts. I’d never given myself room to explore what my values looked like in a larger context. The definitions helped, too. Defining something makes it easier to understand and implement.

Here’s what I came up with:

This was such a massive discovery for me. I knew freedom, adventure, and community were important to me, but romance was like finding a missing link.

It was everything I could never find the words to describe before. I knew I was passionate, but finding such a perfect word was empowering and revitalizing. It was like, “Holy crap! I can finally explain to my partner why little things are so important to me!” It was a revolution for my heart.

So here I am now. This is me presenting what I believe without question. The first words in my manifesto are…

“I believe you are beautiful, brilliant, and unique beyond any doubt. There is nothing you can’t do, and there is no situation you can’t overcome.”

Because it’s my truth. And I can commit to truth.

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My Values Evaluation

posted 8th June 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Laura, Season 4

As part of working my way through Molly’s Joy Equation, I spent some time thinking about my values. This seriously challenged my assumptions and got me thinking.

I’m pretty reflective and try to be in tune with my desires and instincts. In fact, I’ve been trying to do this more and more for the past 18 months. But when faced with having to choose no more than eight values from an infinite number of possibilities, I really had to pause.

I thought I knew what my values were. But then I realized, I can value the presence of pretty much anything – people, experiences, emotions, objects – but My Values should be like beacons of light guiding me and informing my choices.

They are a critical part of who I am as a person. And when I was forced to really think about it, it was a really refreshing and revealing activity. All a sudden, thinking of something as one of My Values gave it a lot more weight and importance.

It’s like, there’s a difference between your heart appreciating something and your soul needing it, you know?

I’m happy to share with you where I landed, for no other reason than I hope it gets your wheels turning about your own values, and brings them to the forefront of your mind today.

1.) Courage – This was a bit of a shocker, I’m not gonna lie. All of my time spent being assertive, bold and decisive now makes So.Much.More.Sense! What’s even more exciting is the realization that, to me, courage encompasses a lot of things. It’s about taking risks, absolutely, but it’s also about having an open mind, inner strength and trust in myself and the universe. It’s about being compassionate and empathetic. And mostly, it’s about having a willingness. It’s about not being motivated by fear. Seriously, now that I’ve pinpointed it, I really can’t imagine living in the absence of courage.

2.) Creativity – I don’t necessarily need to be an artist in order to honour creativity. I just need to write, ideate, brainstorm, and make stuff – from crafts to cookies. I need to have fun with colour. Whether by wearing a bright scarf or writing a business plan in markers. Colour feeds my soul. Honouring creativity also means pushing boundaries, keeping perspective, and listening to my intuition. Those are important ways of nurturing creativity from the inside out.

3.) Exploration – Ahhh, yes! This is all about my inquisitive, curious little mind! It’s about my thirst for new experiences and challenges, and for learning, trying, and doing. It’s why I love reading, and movies, and travelling. It’s why I love action and it’s why I get impatient. Not because I’m anxious to produce and accomplish. I’m just hungry to dig, see, listen, and EXPLORE.

4.) Family – This one is on many of your lists, I’m sure. What was important for me to realize is that family, as a Value, isn’t just about the people and pets in it. It’s about intimacy, compromise, consideration, loyalty, connection, and commitment. It’s the feelings and comfort that being part of a family brings. Those are the things I need to respect and create space and time for.

5.) Laughter - A bit of a no brainer, for me, anyway. All of the things that lead me to laughter, like playfulness, interactions with others, adventure and a relentlessly positive outlook, are things I simply wouldn’t want to live without. When I stop having any fun, I’m doing something way, way wrong.

6.) Originality – From the time I was a little girl, I’ve loved doing things my way. I was blow drying my own hair before I was even out of a crib…seriously. Maybe that was because I was stubborn and a bit controlling, even then. But I’d like to think it was also because I love expressing myself, and feeling confident and self assured. Now, as an adult, I adore dreaming, doing things differently, and working on ways to be more me. Losing my sense of originality would be a fast track to misery.

7.) Freedom – This is a funny value to have when I live in a completely free country, with a completely supportive network of family and friends. What about my life isn’t free? That’s why I left it out at first. But words like freedom and flexibility were calling to me from the page. And then I realized, part of the reason I’m so, so grateful for where I live and who I live here with is that I absolutely adore being free to make choices and seek out variety. I love the growth, possibility and independence that a sense of freedom affords me. And so, it made the cut.

8.) Vitality – My obsession with exercise, nutrition and health? And my intense disappointment when I’m not incorporating those things into my day to day (like recently)? Yeeeaaah, it totally comes back to the fact that I really, truly value vitality. And I can’t even tell you how much I love “vitality” as the word of choice. I get to wrap the concepts of energy, physical fitness, conscious eating, clarity of mind, inspiration, solitude, rest, peace, balance, and presence in the moment into one beautiful package! Vitality! Hell yes! Put a bow on that one!

Values are subject to change, as life evolves and priorities shift, I know. But I’m feeling so good about  having gone through this process, and really enlightened by it. If you haven’t spent time doing this type of exercise in a while – or ever! – I highly recommend it.

And of course, I’d love to hear what some of your values are in the comments below!


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Learning the Meaning of Deliberate Living

posted 2nd April 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: All Posts, Dee, Season 4, Tips & Tools

Deliberate. I was immediately drawn to the word. It’ll be coaching sessions and it’ll be about Deliberate Living. Done. Sign me up.

As I wrapped up my last group coaching session with Molly and my sweet new girlfriends a week ago, I realized that I’d been drawn to a word that I couldn’t explain, even after it was all over- a word that had changed me- deliberate. Webster defines “deliberate” nicely, both as an adjective and as a verb; a definition that includes words like “intentional,” “carefully weighed,” “studied,” and “to reflect.” A few short weeks ago, I heard from Molly that she’d be beginning a group coaching session. And in those few short weeks, everything in my world went topsy turvy. Everything has changed. Everything.

To be deliberate. Yeah. I knew I needed to learn to be that. I knew I’d made mad progress identifying my super-specific goals through the Joy Equation, but I needed an extra push in order to make it all come together in the grind of everyday livin’. I wanted to look in depth at my habits, my strengths, my deficiencies and I wanted someone who’d been through it to help me. I wanted action. I was looking for strategies, and most of all, I was desperate for someone to hold me accountable. I needed help.

So I signed up for Molly’s promise that there would be 10 weeks of Action and I plunked down the money for Deliberate Living Group Coaching. And I was terrified. TERR-I-FIED. I mean, I’d been in communication with Molly in order to get my gig writing here, but now I was going to have to get deep with her, reveal it all, spill my guts, and let her show me what I couldn’t show myself. I had a life coach, a group taking the challenge with me, and I felt the pressure.

Week after week, through the program, I was asked and able to check in, really dig into what my head space was like, complete challenges that were specific to my own situation, and rock with Molly and the other ladies in my group over everything from balance to vulnerability, sleep and money, desired feelings and the little shit that was eating me alive. Best part? Whatever we were feeling and thinking is what we were talking about, with the guidance of a skilled mentor and with the support of one another.

This Molly Mahar, she’s the real deal. This easily could have been a regimented, calculated ten weeks based on principles that are proven and guaranteed to work. Sure, some people are looking for those sorts of strategies- and don’t get me wrong, it’s chock full of that. But, what made this program perfect for me, the women in my group, and I’m sure many other women, was the personal approach and attention Molly gave to each of us, week after week, based on our own progress, what we were personally looking for, and what she saw in us. By getting to know us, she catered to our individual needs and potential and was able to give us more than we could have possibility known we were asking for.

“Deliberate Living is all about being aware of how we spending our time. It’s having the ability to be present and to check in with ourselves. It’s making a conscious decision about what your next moment will be and how it can be the best.” -Molly Mahar

No lie, my experience with the Deliberate Living thing was confusing for the first few weeks. What were we doing? What were all the challenges and assignments and conference calls and emails supposed to mean? Was it going to help? Was I actually going to change this time? Was it a bunch of mumbo jumbo? Nine weeks into the program, I was feeling like I’d missed something.

But then, in preparation for our last group phone call, I skimmed through the journaling I’d done, the writing I’d completed, the projects I’d started and finished, and the relationships I’d been encouraged to mend and…

BAM! It clicked. I knew I’d found what I needed. I could see so clearly all that had changed in my life. There is no feeling that can replace that feeling of accomplishment that I felt, that feeling of certainty that I have always held the power within myself to change and make this life exactly what I want. And asking for help is absolutely okay and sometimes the only, only way.

Before the program began, Molly asked me: “What are you especially sensitive about or scared about in regards to this coaching program?”

I answered: “I’m worried about failing again, in the sense that it will all come to a conclusion and I’ll realize that I don’t possess the ability to train myself to execute. I’ve been uncovering my true self, my passions, and my unique preferences for a really long time, and I have a great blueprint to work with. Now it’s time for building it all and I am TERRIFIED that I’ve built a model that I can’t create in real life.”

I trained myself. I built it. In real life.

I found out things about myself that I never would have been brave enough to explore (my tendency to rely to much on willpower, my hesitance to ask for what I want and how that cripples me, my need for systems, identifying who is in my corner, my triggers, the toxicity building up in my life, and how gratitude and mindfulness practices, and journaling can save my life). Molly questioned me, probed, prodded and sometimes forced me to go there in my head and heart. I was pushed to go for what I always said I’d go for and I uncovered a side of myself that I didn’t even know I wanted to expose.

The ten week journey wrapped up last week. There were tears. There were ear-to-ear smiles and genuine feelings felt through a conference call that connected women in three time zones. There was an overwhelming feeling of optimism. There was intense introspection and reflection on the weeks we’d spent looking into our deepest depths- about personal integrity, passion, recovering our senses of possibility, eliminating toxicity, courageous self expression, presence, balance, accountability, closure, and creating supportive systems.

I can’t say enough about the value of the group dynamic. As a group, we bounced ideas off of one another, learned to listen to ourselves and others tenderly, offered constructive advice based on our own experiences, and helped each other jump from stone to stone until we’d crossed the rocky river together. We held each other’s hands and cheered together when we got to the other side, where we stand now, stronger.

After all the pressure I’d felt in the beginning, I am so thankful for what the ten weeks did for me: it took the pressure away.

We can’t see ourselves from every angle. We can try and try and try to know ourselves, but there is nothing that can replace the point of view of kind, intelligent, informed, objective women who have been there and are there right now. There is nothing as valuable as a safe space in which we are encouraged to know ourselves. Sometimes, we just need help. Plain and simple.

[photo credit: Not Good Enough]

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My QLC: Learning to Make, Create, and Explore

posted 2nd February 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Laura, Season 4, What I've Learned

INTRODUCING LAURA:

The last six months have been hugely life altering and I expect the next six to be the same.

I was born with a need to make, create and explore. Unfortunately for me, I was also born with a fierce sense of independence. I’ve been demanding to do things on my own, and throwing temper tantrums when I can’t, since I was a baby. Need no one, that was my motto, if only subconsciously.

These two conditions – and probably many others – combined to create one heck of a quarter life pickle. Somehow, en route to becoming a young woman, I interpreted them to mean that I always had to strive, achieve and produce.

I went from dabbling in swimming and gymnastics for fun, to becoming a swimming instructor because that was the highest level I could achieve, aside from competing, which I was never big on. I went from feeling my absolute best when being creative, to measuring my value in numbers – marks earned, scores received, dollars paid.

I got good grades in high school, followed by even better grades in university. I got an impressive entry level job within days of finishing my degree, then a series of promotions that led to even more impressive responsibilities, outputs and pay cheques. Strive, achieve, produce.

I led teams, I blazed a trail. I gave love and attention to my family and friends, but mostly because I scheduled it in. I counted miles ran and pounds lifted. I kept my apartment “just so”, ignoring that another person actually lived there, too. I ran the show. All day, all the time. I needed no one.

Until, at age 26, I realized I was really fucking tired.

At first, I chalked it up to my demanding job. I was done with the hours, the pressure, and the intense and unforgiving environment. I thought eliminating those things would be the solution to everything.

So in early 2010, a month before my 27th birthday, I wrapped a mammoth project and then walked away from it all - the predictability, the salary, the pension, the expectations, the title, and the eventuality of getting the corner office.

When I made the decision to quit my job and become an independent consultant, I thought I had solved it. But as the days and months passed, something happened. I started to realize that I hadn’t solved anything. I was still living in strive, achieve, produce mode, when what I really wanted was to go back.

Go back to living in make, create and explore mode. Not for outputs, not for resume-building metrics, not for accolades; for me. Because it’s what I’m destined to be doing and it’s what makes me the happiest.

Looking back over the last 15 years, the times when I felt the most alive were the times when I was inventing the rules and – surprise, surprise – doing things my way. I love the feeling of colouring outside the lines and ignoring expectations.The problem is that somewhere along the way, I concluded that I could only do that sometimes.

But the truth is, I hate being an over achiever, rushing from one measurement to the next, conforming, losing perspective, and putting myself last. It suffocates me and I hate it.

If exploring, expressing and creating with no inhibitions is what I love to do, well then that’s how I want to live my life. That realization – the little nugget right there – recently washed over me like a big, breathtaking wave.

It’s now one month before my 28th birthday and I’m trying to figure out what the hell that really means. I wouldn’t call it a quarter life crisis. I’d call it a quarter life discovery. Because even though it’s scary and unfamiliar right now, I know I’m going to love what I find on the other side!

So as 2011 gets underway, so does the real challenge. I have the acknowledgment, realization and readiness I need to get started. Forming new habits, creating self acceptance, challenging assumptions, and creating an authentic life – an authentic every day – those are the next steps.

It’ll be a long road, but it’s paved most of the way now, rather than buried under three feet of snow.

The last six months have been hugely life altering and I expect the next six to be the same. Because the thing is, I’m an ideas person, a solutions person, a glass half full person. I see possible opportunities where others see plausible challenges.

It’s a rare day that I feel completely and utterly stuck. I want to navigate through the stuck, trust myself and others, and laugh along the way. I don’t want to leave, run and find a way to overhaul everything. Instead, I want to stay, explore and find a way to love everything!

And at this moment, I feel like a teenage girl at a sleepover because I can’t wait to wait to tell you all about it!

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