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The Crazy Exciting, Crazy Depressing Halfway Mark

posted 22nd April 2010 Written by: Katie CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

I’m 3 days late writing this post.

It will surely publish on my regularly scheduled Thursday, just know that I’m writing this three days later than I normally should have. It’s not that I forgot. It’s not that I didn’t feel like it. Hell, I always want to write for you guys. For the first time in my entire life I can be me, and it’s okay.

But this week? This week marks my halfway point of the “Guest Blogger” position here at Stratejoy. That gets a firm, loud, WHAT THE HELL?! from me.

When I checked my e-mail from Molly a few days ago it was what has become a typical Saturday for me: Sitting indian style on my oversized chair, wearing pajamas and eating Bugles and Diet Pepsi. Seriously, this is what I do all day on Saturday. It’s my gift to myself.

I opened up my e-mail and was whistling through my Bugle, and saw “It’s the halfway point through your guest posting…” I ran to my calendar with intent of e-mailing Molly back and telling her that she’s been working a little too hard and she misread the date. She didn’t.

Call it crazy emotions, call it PMS, call it whatever you want, but I just didn’t want to accept that I’m halfway done this journey.

I got a little upset, anxious, and nervous.I am not in anyway where I feel that I’m supposed to be. I’m not happy yet. I’m still struggling with depression. I didn’t meet the man of my dreams yet who was going to knock down all of my walls. I didn’t make that surprise call to my family announcing my engagement, my first child, my dream job.

None of that had happened yet. I can’t be halfway done. Can I get an extension?

I felt myself going down a path that could inevitably become destructive. I started thinking I was inadequate, not good enough, and failing at the one thing that I had committed to. And if you know me, you know that I’m allergic to commitment.

So, I didn’t write the post that day. Or the next. Or the next. I spent the next few days freaking out about how I wasn’t as far along as I wanted to be and wondering where I went wrong.

This morning, still thinking about how I was going to handle writing this halfway post – I took a moment – something I learned through my journey – to calm down. Take a breath. Refocus.

I practiced my own little thought stopping and realized two things:

A) I’m halfway done, but I still have halfway to go.
B) This blogging experience wasn’t a deadline. I don’t have to have things figured out by the end.

After I accepted these two things, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I sat down, started to write, and here I am.

Still halfway done my guest-blogging position here, but celebrating the drastic, amazing, awesome, freakin’ crazy-cool changes I’ve made in my life, and celebrating those, rather than the “end” that I was focusing on before. Which, to be honest, doesn’t exist.

Time for a “What I’ve Done / Learned” Roll Call:

Moved (!!!) to a new city. Be it Philadelphia, and not the first anticipated Jacksonville/Seattle, but I’m enjoying the new pad, and still eying up my next move across the country.
Embraced my happy-place – You may remember one of the first difficulties that I had being unable to remember feeling happy, and what true happiness felt like. I can proudly announce that I feel truly happy much more often and as recent as yesterday singing Lady Gaga in the car with my roommate on the way to the mall.
Got honest with several of my friends (And you all!) about my depression and the severe state that I was in last October/November -This has enabled me to feel more “me” and not misunderstood. I feel like those closest to me know the real me, and I don’t feel like I’m hiding behind the demon anymore.
Began to surround myself with more positive people / energy – Many of my friends had made me feel like I was unimportant by not making time for me. I also realized that I was doing the same to other friends. I got back on track, and spend quality time with quality people who make me feel special, wanted, and crazy-ridiculous (in a good way!!).
Learned to embrace bad days, and not let them become bad weeks/months – this is important because, well, I suffer from clinical depression. It doesn’t just go away, though I can go a week or so sometimes without any symptoms. However, I’ve learned to breathe, relax, and embrace bad days. On the bad days, I take care of myself, just as I would a friend who isn’t feeling well. I buy myself a new book, cuddle up on the sofa, and give myself permission to watch sappy movies.

5 little lessons that have made a world of difference. I’ve come a long way, baby. And honestly, you haven’t seen nothing yet.

I’d love to know from you guys, what’s the most recent life strategy that you’ve picked up? Where did you get it from? You know I’m always game for new things.

*Photo Credit: (via)

Make a Commitment to Yourself

posted 16th December 2008 Written by: Molly Hoyne CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

As women, we pride ourselves on taking care of others. We commit ourselves to our partners, our best friends, our colleagues, our extended families, our neighbors– the list goes on and on. We show love & respect by being there for them & following through on commitments. We work to understand the nuances of their days and react by cheering them up when things look down, celebrating when life is good or bolstering self esteem when fear starts taking over.

We listen, we care, we pay attention.

And this is a good thing. Having caring, committed relationships (as long as they are reciprocal) help us navigate our lives with support and meaning.

Don’t Let Holiday Stress Freak You Out

posted 26th November 2008 Written by: Molly Hoyne CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Tips & Tools

It’s the holiday paradox: In this time of festivities– why do so many of us feel stressed out? Shouldn’t we be enjoying the extra days off of work, spending time with loved ones & traditions steeped in good memories?

In my case, the Big Man has left me with his family while he’s off fishing for two days. I’ve had some delicious green chile, taken a beautiful drive to Georgia O’Keefe’s Ghost Ranch, been homesick for my own family, done a little Christmas shopping, been bitten by a scary dog (I suppose it was more of a nip, since I just have a few tiny teeth bruises on my butt, but still–I don’t know the last time I actually screamed!) & taken some beautiful photos.

And yes, I’m a bit stressed by all of it.

Why You Should Question Yourself

posted 7th November 2008 Written by: Molly Hoyne CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Tips & Tools

I imagine that several readers will look at the title of this post and exclaim, “Question myself? Why would I ever do that? I have all the answers!” And you know what? I agree with them!

By suggesting that you question yourself, I’m definitely not telling you to doubt yourself. (Come on- I know we’re just beginning this journey together- but doubt? That doesn’t sound like me! It’s not an emotion I suggest wallowing in very often.) In fact, I think doubting yourself can be highly toxic. If you make it a habit, it shadows every new thought or idea that pops into your pretty head. It poisons new paths before you even get the chance to explore them. Are we clear, friend? I’m not suggesting doubt, just questioning…

How do I Question Myself? And Why?

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The Crazy Exciting, Crazy Depressing Halfway Mark

Make a Commitment to Yourself

Don’t Let Holiday Stress Freak You Out

Why You Should Question Yourself

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