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Everyday Happiness

posted 10th November 2010    Written by: Nikki    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Nikki, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Any of you who know me, or have gotten to know me outside of Stratejoy, know that gratitude plays a big part in my life.   My personal blog is called The Grateful Sparrow and (almost) everyday I tweet a gratitude list.  It reminds me of how much in my life is good, great, wonderful – even (especially) on days when everything seems to be going wrong.  But I have not always been this way.

Two years ago, I was full to the brim of negative self-talk. No one who knows me would’ve ever suspected it; I was just my cheery, optimistic self on the outside, but in my mind, I was absolutely horrendous.  My default setting, the reason anything went wrong, was “I’m a mess.”  I said it all the time.  I said it laughingly to friends when I forgot something, “Ha, what a mess I am!”  I said it angrily to myself when I made a mistake, “Why am I such a mess??!”  I resigned myself to it and it became my truth.

I was working a 9-5 office job that, while it gave me wonderful security, was stressful, unchallenging, and not even on the same planet as any job I’d remotely want as a career.  Every day I would zombie-drive the same route in the same traffic, zoned out and dreading the day, often sending up a little prayer to quell my anxiety and try to control the uncertainties facing me that I really couldn’t control.  I would pass the first few hours of my day with a sinking feeling in my stomach and self-blame in my head, sucking all other thoughts & feelings down like quicksand.  Every.  Day.

Around the same time, frustrated with and trying to improve my acting career, I joined an artist’s co-operative.  We kept each other accountable to our goals and supported and encouraged each other; the group aimed to bring us all out of our comfort zones and out of our unhealthy mental patterns that might be holding us back.  Obviously (well, it’s obvious now), I had a lot of those.

One of the guys in the group suggested that we email each other with 5 things we’re grateful for every day, just as an exercise to get us into a more positive headspace.  It was really hard at first.  I remember driving in to work, dread and apathy vying for domination in the pit of my stomach, and sitting in front of my computer, staring at it blankly.  What am I grateful for?  The only time I’d ever thought about expressing gratitude outside of saying an obligatory “thank you” was on Thanksgiving, and that was usually muddled by a mouthful of turkey. Now I have to write it down?  And send it to people?

I sat there trying not to think of all the things I’m not grateful for, and trying to remember the last time I felt super happy.  Why couldn’t I think of anything?  What was wrong with me??  Why was I such a mess??  I looked down at my hands on the keyboard.  I have 10 fingers.  I’m grateful for that.  I know how to type.  I’m grateful for “Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing,” even though I hated it growing up.  I’m grateful for the cup of coffee slowly waking me up.  And so on…

My first six months of gratitude lists were like that.  And sometimes they still are.  I’m grateful for hot showers and good music and smiling.  Some days I sat for a good 15 minutes unable to think of a single thing to be grateful for.  But I didn’t let myself go a day without writing my list. It helped to get lists from the other people in the group – so much happiness was shared every day.  Slowly, gratitude came easier; in fact, I started to feel that it was a necessary part of my morning routine.  So when the group disbanded and the emails slowly stopped their joyous flow into my inbox, I decided I needed someone else to keep me accountable to my gratitude, and I began sending my list to my family, best friend, and roommate.

During all this, other things in my life began to change.  Getting myself off of negative autopilot, even if only for the 5 minutes it took to write my gratitude list, made me realize that I was on autopilot in the first place.  I started to wake up from my zombie state, snapping myself out of it on the drive to work by focusing on a particularly beautiful blooming tree on the side of the road, instead of the creeping traffic.  I suddenly realized that maybe I felt like such a mess only because I kept telling myself I was a mess, and worked on replacing that phrase with a positive mantra.

My gratitude lists got longer, and instead of just writing out of habit, I started to really feel them; they made me happy.  I woke up thinking of what I’d write, and they were bright spots in days that were otherwise less than stellar.  I found myself not getting caught up in as much drama; when something bad happened, I would be upset about it for a little while and then, automatically, without even realizing it, I’d be thinking of the positives. I wasn’t Pollyanna, I wasn’t lying and saying things were fine when they weren’t, I truly started to feel better about everything.

I honestly believe that writing gratitude lists changed my outlook and changed my life.  It is my quick fix to happiness, because as soon as I write down what I’m grateful for, I feel just a little bit happier.  Every.  Day.

Today I am so happy and grateful for dark chocolate & green tea, all you amazing lovely ladies out there reading, and R.W. for introducing gratitude into my life two years ago.

What are you happy and grateful for?

PS – if any of you would like to commit to a month of gratitude, I’ll hold you accountable.  Tweet me your gratitude list at @gratefulsparrow every day for 30 days.  See how it changes you.

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The Crazy Exciting, Crazy Depressing Halfway Mark

posted 22nd April 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

I’m 3 days late writing this post.

It will surely publish on my regularly scheduled Thursday, just know that I’m writing this three days later than I normally should have. It’s not that I forgot. It’s not that I didn’t feel like it. Hell, I always want to write for you guys. For the first time in my entire life I can be me, and it’s okay.

But this week? This week marks my halfway point of the “Guest Blogger” position here at Stratejoy. That gets a firm, loud, WHAT THE HELL?! from me.

When I checked my e-mail from Molly a few days ago it was what has become a typical Saturday for me: Sitting indian style on my oversized chair, wearing pajamas and eating Bugles and Diet Pepsi. Seriously, this is what I do all day on Saturday. It’s my gift to myself.

I opened up my e-mail and was whistling through my Bugle, and saw “It’s the halfway point through your guest posting…” I ran to my calendar with intent of e-mailing Molly back and telling her that she’s been working a little too hard and she misread the date. She didn’t.

Call it crazy emotions, call it PMS, call it whatever you want, but I just didn’t want to accept that I’m halfway done this journey.

I got a little upset, anxious, and nervous.I am not in anyway where I feel that I’m supposed to be. I’m not happy yet. I’m still struggling with depression. I didn’t meet the man of my dreams yet who was going to knock down all of my walls. I didn’t make that surprise call to my family announcing my engagement, my first child, my dream job.

None of that had happened yet. I can’t be halfway done. Can I get an extension?

I felt myself going down a path that could inevitably become destructive. I started thinking I was inadequate, not good enough, and failing at the one thing that I had committed to. And if you know me, you know that I’m allergic to commitment.

So, I didn’t write the post that day. Or the next. Or the next. I spent the next few days freaking out about how I wasn’t as far along as I wanted to be and wondering where I went wrong.

This morning, still thinking about how I was going to handle writing this halfway post – I took a moment – something I learned through my journey – to calm down. Take a breath. Refocus.

I practiced my own little thought stopping and realized two things:

A) I’m halfway done, but I still have halfway to go.
B) This blogging experience wasn’t a deadline. I don’t have to have things figured out by the end.

After I accepted these two things, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I sat down, started to write, and here I am.

Still halfway done my guest-blogging position here, but celebrating the drastic, amazing, awesome, freakin’ crazy-cool changes I’ve made in my life, and celebrating those, rather than the “end” that I was focusing on before. Which, to be honest, doesn’t exist.

Time for a “What I’ve Done / Learned” Roll Call:

5 little lessons that have made a world of difference. I’ve come a long way, baby. And honestly, you haven’t seen nothing yet.

I’d love to know from you guys, what’s the most recent life strategy that you’ve picked up? Where did you get it from? You know I’m always game for new things.

*Photo Credit: (via)

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Make a Commitment to Yourself

posted 16th December 2008    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

As women, we pride ourselves on taking care of others.  We commit ourselves to our partners, our best friends, our colleagues, our extended families, our neighbors– the list goes on and on.  We show love & respect by being there for them & following through on commitments.  We work to understand the nuances of their days and react by cheering them up when things look down, celebrating when life is good or bolstering self esteem when fear starts taking over.

We listen, we care, we pay attention.

And this is a good thing.  Having caring, committed relationships (as long as they are reciprocal) help us navigate our lives with support and meaning.

Read more…

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Don’t Let Holiday Stress Freak You Out

posted 26th November 2008    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Tips & Tools

It’s the holiday paradox: In this time of festivities– why do so many of us feel stressed out?  Shouldn’t we be enjoying the extra days off of work, spending time with loved ones & traditions steeped in good memories?

In my case, the Big Man has left me with his family while he’s off fishing for two days.  I’ve had some delicious green chile, taken a beautiful drive to Georgia O’Keefe’s Ghost Ranch, been homesick for my own family, done a little Christmas shopping, been bitten by a scary dog (I suppose it was more of a nip, since I just have a few tiny teeth bruises on my butt, but still–I don’t know the last time I actually screamed!) & taken some beautiful photos.

And yes, I’m a bit stressed by all of it.

Read more…

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Why You Should Question Yourself

posted 7th November 2008    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Tips & Tools

I imagine that several readers will look at the title of this post and exclaim, “Question myself?  Why would I ever do that?  I have all the answers!”  And you know what?  I agree with them!

By suggesting that you question yourself, I’m definitely not telling you to doubt yourself. (Come on- I know we’re just beginning this journey together- but doubt?  That doesn’t sound like me!  It’s not an emotion I suggest wallowing in very often.) In fact, I think doubting yourself can be highly toxic. If you make it a habit, it shadows every new thought or idea that pops into your pretty head. It poisons new paths before you even get the chance to explore them. Are we clear, friend?  I’m not suggesting doubt, just questioning…

How do I Question Myself?  And Why?

Read more…

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