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Defining My Values

posted 21st August 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Renee, Season 3, Spirituality

I completed the Joy Equation in February 2010.  As part of Week One, I was instructed to identify my eight core values. This was new territory for me.  My values?  No one has ever asked about my values. The only time I ever hear the word “values” is when the religious right shouts about “family values” which is really just a band-aid for bigotry. I had to warm up to the word. What are my values?

At first, with my Catholic background, I thought about the Beatitudes, from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land.
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’s shake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
(Matthew 5:3-10)

Peace? Yeah, okay, that sounds good. Justice? Sure. Merciful? Acceptable. Poor in spirit? Meek? Mourning? I get it, but those aren’t my values. I don’t want to lie down at the end of each day and ask myself, “Renee, were you poor in spirit today?” It doesn’t seem motivating.

I had to dig deeper. My Catholicism still clenched me in its grasp. I thought about the seven spiritual works of mercy.

1. Instruct the ignorant.
2. Counsel the doubtful.
3. Admonish sinners.
4. Bear wrongs patiently.
5. Forgive offenses willingly.
6. Comfort the afflicted.
7. Pray for the living and the dead.

Ah! Here we go. Teach. Counsel. Console. Forgiveness. Compassion. Patience. Peace. We’re getting closer. Thanks, St. Thomas of Aquinas, for teaching me about mercy.

The Joy Equation states, “Our core values are the habits of our heart.” What makes my heart cry out? What moves me to action? What would I fight to for the right to enjoy and experience?

I narrowed down a long, long list with notes in the margins reminding myself “not what I should choose, rather what resonates with me.” Finally, I came up with eight. And then I defined them.

Honesty – Being honest with myself and others, telling the truth, saying what I mean, and always having good, open communication.

Peace – Being at peace with myself, things in my life that I can’t change, and cutting back on the arguing to focus on the greater good. “Good enough is good enough.” –Jane Fonda

Love – Keeping love in my heart and showing it at all times, making everyone feel special and worth of my time. Radiate Love.

Patience – Knowing what matters enough to stress me out and what’s not worth my worries. Keeping my temper in check. Taking deep breaths and going slowly. Keep calm and carry on.

Joy/Humor – Smiling and laughing more than frowning and crying. Finding humor in unfavorable situations. Being able to laugh at myself. Enjoying the company of others. Finding my fun.

Compassion – Knowing when others need my help, a second chance, or a compromise. Putting myself in others’ shoes. Being flexible to accommodate the needs of others when they need it most.

Passion – Recognizing the drive I need to go after what I want. Taking life by the horns. Fearlessly pursuing the things I love. Making time to do things for me.

Authenticity – Knowing what’s best when I need it most. Staying true to myself. Putting my needs first. Taking time to fix #1. Not compromising my values. Doing what I need to do. Not being fake. Giving 100% all the time but knowing what 100% is.

When you wrap up my values and put a pretty bow on them, you can see the Beatitudes and spiritual works of mercy trickling through them… but you can also see my liberal arts education and my ferocious feminism. I can tell where I’m trying to reel in my Type A, Arian personality, trying to cool off my fire sign. I can tell where I’m trying to open my heart just a little more, to soften my rough edges and let a little more light in.

There’s something empowering about naming your values and doing your best to adhere to them, something very tenacious and gritty that I love.  It makes for one hell of a personal journey.

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Self Love: I am Enough. And also, You are Enough.

posted 1st July 2010    Written by: Molly Hoyne    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Love/Relationships, Molly, What I've Learned

Most of you know a good chunk of what I do here at Stratejoy is coach lovely ladies like yourself.  It’s an immensely rewarding part of my business.  I am continually stretched, inspired, and in awe of the women I talk to on a weekly basis. I learn so much from my clients- probably just as much as they learn from me!

Which brings me to this:  Part of this authentic joy we talk so much about seems to start with truly believing and owning the fact that “I am enough”.    It wasn’t something I thought too much about at the beginning of Stratejoy.  I thought that our current situation, the current status of our life, was a base level to start with, to improve upon.

Self love?  Self worth?  I would get there eventually…

My seeking brain loved to remind me– Of course I’m not enough!  I haven’t build an empire!  I haven’t made all of my dreams come true!  I’m don’t eat all organic!   I should shave my legs more often!  Tell my friends I love them!  Stop watching hulu.com!  My financial situation is definitely not enough!  And on and on….

Well, I’m allowed to change my mind.  Finding new truths is part of this amazing self-realization journey we’re all on together.

So…  I am now firmly on the “I am enough” bandwagon.

Does that seem at odds with a personal development site dedicated to “conquering a crisis” or “gaining clarity for ridiculously awesome forward movement”?   I think not.

Before any conquering or forward movement, we must start from a strong, loving, secure base of self worth.  If we don’t believe we are deserving of a big bold bright existence, it will never happen.  And what I’m finding and exploring more and more is that this self love, this ability to believe we are deserving,  boils down to the ability to declare “I am enough”.

Try it.  Say it out loud.  I am enough.

What comes up?  Do you feel like you’re faking it?  Do you immediately start adding buts, or sometimes, or ifs?

Part of the time I still can’t say it.  I have a long laundry list of things about myself I’d like to be “better”. I’d like to call my parents more regularly.  I’d like to conquer my fear of failure.   I’d like to practice yoga everyday.  I’d like to be on of those girls who can sport dreads, ripped jeans, a nosering and look unbelievably hot.  I’d like to stop feeling slightly nauseous when I look at my bank account.  I’d like to volunteer more often.  I’d like to always have a clean home, sexy underwear in the drawer, and an art project underway.

So much pushing.  So many mores.  When I think of that list, it’s hard for me to get behind the “I am enough” statement.  But the days I can’t believe it?  Those are the rough days.  Those are the days when a hate email makes me break down into tears. (Yes, I get them.)  Those are the days I can’t shake off the fog.  Those are the days I start doubting my path.

You’d think I’d have learned by now, eh?  Because the days I can say “I am enough, just as I am, right this very moment, with all my quirks and foibles, in all my ridiculous glory”?

Those are the days that rock.

I am enough.  My name is Molly and I am enough.

I shall now launch into my enoughness manifesto.  Not to brag or dance a little narcissistic dance in the mirror, but to inspire YOU to write your own.

I AM ENOUGH.

I am full of sparkle and compassion.  I genuinely want to make the world a better place.  I love hard.   I practice kindness.   I’m not afraid of the truth.  I am loyal, adventurous, supportive, and surprising.  I am a woman.  I am enough. I make mistakes, but I own them and learn from them.  Sometimes I make a bunch of mistakes.

I am enough.  I am open, juicy, artistic, full blast.  I am also vain, emotional, demanding, and looking for answers.  I am a woman who is open to mysteries, accepting of miracles.  I am diving in, devouring, loving, protecting, peeling back the surface of petty desires to the hunger for connection, for belief, for truth.

I am less concerned with doing things correctly than I once was and more concerned with dancing, drumming, swimming naked.

I accept that a sense of wonder is something to cultivate. I accept that I sometimes self medicate with alcohol, with filling my life full of busyness, with going into self imposed isolation.  I accept that I crave financial abundance, a freedom to do what I want, when I want it.  I am still enough.

I am a lover of ripe mangoes, stars in the midnight sky, stories around the campfire, the smell of rich coffee, laughing until I can’t breathe, having someone reach for my hand.   I am a lover, a sister, a storyteller, a daughter, a mentor, and a student.

I am enough.

And I know in my deepest heart– You are enough too.

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You Deserve Authentic Happiness

posted 11th May 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

The breaking point in my Quarterlife Crisis came this past summer, when I left an emotionally crippling job and took off on a three month backpacking trip across the country. Traveling was harder than I thought it would be, proving the cliche but oh so true saying that, “wherever you go, there you are.”

Constantly on the move, one of my biggest challenges was staying balanced and trying to maintain an emotionally grounded life while all of the physical aspects of it were constantly in limbo.

A few weeks into my trip, before I ever knew I’d wind up blogging over here at Stratejoy come 2010, I signed on to complete Molly’s happiness course, The Joy Equation: A 30 Day Guide To Living Life On Purpose. Going through this course, which includes journal prompts and audio sessions and a 40 page Joy Plan Workbook, put me in touch with myself at exactly the right time, gently challenging me to think about who I am and who I want to be, and what I have to do to bridge the ever widening gap between the two.

Throughout the 30 days, The Joy Equation inspired me without being preachy, made me think without being overwhelming, kept me interested without requiring a huge time commitment, and remained consistently fun. My favorite part about the course was that it inspired me to evaluate and reevaluate my definition of happiness and really give pause about what it means to show up for the world every single day.

During week three of the course (the part where you’re examining your big dreams), I came across one of the most thought provoking quotes in the Joy Plan Workbook, a quote that said, “Failure’s hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you’re successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever.”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, about how much easier it’s been to get over the things that haven’t worked, the things I haven’t succeeded at, than it has been to walk away from situations that I excelled at, but didn’t love. I think a lot of people experience this same feeling, actually, the feeling of being trapped by things that are just good enough to not require an immediate fix. That’s what settling is, right? Accepting something simply because it works and it’s there and we’re either too lazy or too afraid to climb one rung higher on the ladder of unknown possibilities to see what we could have instead.

With my 25th birthday only a month away, I think it’s time for another authentic happiness gut check. I’d really like to start all over again with this course and go for round two of Nicole Gets to Know Nicole, especially given how much has changed in my life since my initial foray into happiness exploration.

You should do it too. And then we can all talk about it. Over margaritas and hugs.

p.s.  Editor’s note:  Um, yes. This is some subtle foreshadowing of the “Big Announcement” on Thursday!  If you’re not on the Jolts ‘o Joy eNewsletter list, make it happen.  Upper right corner.  And then just sit tight, because some help with the “pricing” (hint, hint) of the Joy Equation Course is coming soon.  A.K.A. Thursday…

photo credit: alicepopkorn

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Finding Balance through my Core Values

posted 3rd March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

I’ve gone from one extreme to the next.

The first couple of weeks after leaving my day job, I felt unorganized, somewhat scattered.  I had difficulty managing my time, and I wasn’t focusing on my writing projects as much as I would have liked.

With a little effort, I found a few ways to turn that around.  I started getting up early and setting specific times that I had to get work done.  I closed the door and thus closed myself off from the world.

I worked, worked, worked.

Moving from underproductive to uber productive was seriously exciting.  I got SO much done.  I stayed up late and got up early.  I had energy.  I felt exhilarated.  I re-launched my personal blog, In Search of Squid, got a lot of prewriting done on the novel, and started pumping out blog posts.

I was on fire.

But now, I’ve hit the other side of that wall.  I am in desperate need of balance.

You see, last week, I crashed.  I had been getting up early and going to bed late.  Even when taking a break for dinner or catching up with the fiancé, I had the computer on my lap, and I was responding to blog comments or working on a writing project.  General exhaustion and a lack of sleep then took over.  I couldn’t sit down to write without my eyelids drooping and feeling the need to take a nap.

Now, this has been my first experience working for myself.  I’ve never tried to do this before.  And let me tell you, striking a balance between work and all the rest is seriously harder than it looks. My work life and home life have now merged.  How does one handle this while maintaining a healthy balance of work, rest and play?

Enter, The Joy Equation.

I had been working through Molly’s Thirty Day Guide to Living Life on Purpose for the past few weeks.  Well, let me be more accurate, I’d working on it a little and thinking about working on it a lot.  Every time I picked it up, I felt guilty for taking time away from my writing projects.  I would eventually set it down with the idea that I could always do more later.

Then, the week of droopy eyelids and utter exhaustion came into play.  I realized I needed to slow down.  I needed a little perspective and some fresh ways to approach working on my own.

I spent last weekend pondering, journaling and planning.  I took a look at what really matters to me and sought new ways to maintain a sense of calm, wellness and balance in my life.

While doing this, I sat down and listened to the first audio session of The Joy Equation.  Molly walked me through a guided meditation, then a series of questions and exercises aimed at getting me to unearth my core values.  I attempted to figure out – what do I really care about; what values resonate with me; what truly matters?

In the past, I’ve tried to make time to consider my personal core values, and I’ve attempted to align my life in such a way as to be true to myself.  I can’t recommend this practice enough.  It’s powerful.  It opens doors and allows you to see your life in a whole new way.  What I love about Molly’s approach is that she really has you work it out.  You ask questions, you answer questions, you put it all in writing.

You set intentions for the week, and you find creative ways to really make it work for you.

Sometimes I just need a little nudge, something to give me permission to take time out for myself.  This was exactly the nudge I needed.  I’ve been so focused on doing the work I love, that I nearly forgot the many other things in life that matter to me too. Identifying my core values helped me to remember this.

In looking at those values, I noticed one thing that continued to show up – my love for being outside and in nature.  I really enjoy things like walking, hiking and camping.  I love fresh air and green trees and the sight of the ocean.

And then I realized something – I rarely make time to do this.

Why?  I’m not sure.  I think sometimes we get lost in ourselves, in our daily lives.  We forget to do those things that bring us joy, especially when it takes a little extra time, effort or attention.

So I’m taking a cue from my Joy Plan; I’m setting an intention for the week.  And that intention is simply to go on a hike.

According to Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  My journey is to connect with my true, authentic self.  In cultivating the powerful habits that will bring me to that authentic self, I must take small steps to get there.  This is simply one of those small steps.

I’m also making a commitment to myself:  each week, I’ll re-look at my core values. Whichever jumps out at me as something I’ve been overlooking, I’ll take action, and I’ll plan something that honors that value for the week.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.  What are some things you do to maintain balance in your own life?

photo credit: janusz l

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Why You Should Question Yourself

posted 7th November 2008    Written by: Molly Hoyne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Tips & Tools

I imagine that several readers will look at the title of this post and exclaim, “Question myself?  Why would I ever do that?  I have all the answers!”  And you know what?  I agree with them!

By suggesting that you question yourself, I’m definitely not telling you to doubt yourself. (Come on- I know we’re just beginning this journey together- but doubt?  That doesn’t sound like me!  It’s not an emotion I suggest wallowing in very often.) In fact, I think doubting yourself can be highly toxic. If you make it a habit, it shadows every new thought or idea that pops into your pretty head. It poisons new paths before you even get the chance to explore them. Are we clear, friend?  I’m not suggesting doubt, just questioning…

How do I Question Myself?  And Why?

Read more…

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