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Universal Love and Committing to Joy

posted 22nd September 2011    Written by: Dusti    CATEGORY: Dusti, Family, Job/Career/Work, Season 5

The universe is trying to tell me something. I’m convinced.

After a summer of stressing over getting someone to rent to me, I applied to a random Craigslist housing ad. I found a nice two bedroom within my budget. It was a little further out than I wanted, but there was no application fee – which *fingers crossed* meant no credit/rental check.

It’s like the universe wrapped its arms around me and gave me a hug. She rented based on character, not background. And she was one of the nicest ladies I’ve ever met! You just don’t meet people like that anymore.

Then came the cherry on top - the best writing gig EVER lands in my inbox. Cue me dancing a jig! I can’t give details yet, but it’s with a company I would sell my left boob to work with long term.

A place to live and steady income. Did I just achieve some stability? Why, yes, I think I did. Count this as me exiting fight or flight mode. Unless I’m crazy, that should mean I make better decisions for a while.

At the end of this five months, I’ll be ready to pop. As in, the brand new baby boy will be making his arrival like a soda can exploding in the freezer. I’m so excited for him, but I’m afraid for me. My doctor said I have a high likelihood of getting extreme PPD again.

Last time, it destroyed my life. This time, I have a much better support network. I have a wonderful doula, and I’m not in a relationship with someone I can’t stand – progress, right? (In fact, he makes me quite happy. And makes trips out when I get cravings. Yep – he’s a keeper.)

The next several months are going to be jam-packed full of goodness. But, it’s also just jam-packed – you know, crappy airline style where the seats are too close together kind of packed. I’m not crazy enough to hope for balance, but I am dreaming of joy. Even when things go bonkers, I want to feel the deep joy of knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m meant to be doing. To commit to joy, I’m making three goals for my time here at Stratejoy.

My three goals for the next five months are:

To prepare as much as I can for the new baby. Mentally, this means making sure I have a network of wonderful women to connect with. I think Stratejoy is going to help with that a TON. Physically, it means yoga and setting up the nursery. (Because you KNOW it’s fun.)

To write my manifesto. Because I can’t write it until I understand all of the in’s and out’s of what I think. This is me committing to self exploration in away I haven’t before.

To open as many doorways as I can for my writing career. This means getting coaching, applying to grad school, working with amazing clients, and doing whatever I can to propel my writing to the next level.

It’s a good thing I like challenges, because this one is going to be one tough mother.

 

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Then, Now, and What’s Next

posted 29th July 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Katharine, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

Somehow over the last six months, I learned to connect the dots.  Somewhere between the Czech Republic and Australia, I learned to fix the broken pieces and repair the damage.

It’s hard to believe that this is the last time I will write for Stratejoy.  What an incredible journey its been.

Six Months Ago…

I was broken, damaged, depressed, and spiraling into a scary black hole.  I had just lost my comfortable Corporate job and didn’t know what the next step was because no one prepared me for a devastating job loss.  I decided that the only way I could save myself from an unhappy lifestyle was to leave it.  So I packed my bags, said goodbye to friends and family, and moved to Prague to get certified to teach English as a second language.

There, I met 23 wonderful people from all over the world and discovered a new passion for education and for life.  I struggled with language barriers, culture shock, and the stress of lesson planning, but I created some priceless memories in Prague that outweigh any negative feelings of the experience.

Of course, little did I know that that certificate would open so many doors for me and lead me on a journey of a lifetime.

Now…

I’m living in a 4-bedroom flat in Sydney, Australia that I share with three other men.  I’m teaching private lessons and taking on more freelance writing projects.  I’ve created a good friend-base in Sydney, connected with a blogger from back home who has been living here for over a year, reconnected with some friends from America whom I haven’t seen in a few years, and I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life.

I went sky diving, discovered forgiveness, and uncovered loneliness in the Land Down Under.  I learned to cover the scars and open wounds with new adventures and experiences full of love, passion, and gratitude.  I gained confidence in traveling solo.  I shattered comfort zones and crossed boundaries.  I struggled with language barriers and culture shock.  But most importantly, I found happiness in Australia.

What’s Next…

I’m going bungee jumping in New Zealand in a few weeks and celebrating my 28th birthday in September in my new home with my new friends (and some old ones).  I’m going to Cairns to see the Great Barrier Reef and this summer (or winter for all of you folk in America), I’m going to learn how to surf.

I’m planning trips to South Africa and South America in 2012 and I added “build a language school in Africa” to my life list.

I’m taking life by the balls and running with it.  Wherever it takes me and whatever it throws at me, I’m going to face it all with courage and grace.  I’m going to open my heart up to extraordinary possibilities and never look back. 

Some Advice:

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to, but that’s no reason to stop living for the moment.  I know it’s hard, I know it can become overwhelming, depressing, and stagnant at times, but you have to keep pushing through it, figure out what you want to do with your life, and then go do it.

I won’t lie, it’s fucking scary as hell to leave everything you know and start over, but it’s even scarier to know that you never tried to make a change, chase your dream, quit your job, or travel the world.  Stop settling for a mediocre life.  Stop making excuses.  Stop complaining about not being able to do certain things with your life.  You can do whatever you want, but you have to have the will to try.

Start living with passion and intention.  Start making a list of all of the things you want to do with your life and then go do them. Tomorrow is promised to no one.  We only have today and we only have one life to be happy, live passionately, and smile intently.  So, go out there and live your best life.  And while you’re at it, stalk me stay in touch:

facebook | twitter | travel blog

Thank you to all of my readers for supporting me through this amazing experience.  Thank you to my Season 4 Sisters for letting me share this experience with you.  Thank you to Katie for all of the brainstorming g-chat sessions and ‘behind the scenes’ stuff that you do for Stratejoy.  Thank you to Molly for creating Stratejoy, letting me be a part of Season 4, and empowering women to fight the QLC and take control of their lives.

Sending you all mad love from the wonderful world of Oz!

 

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Finding Forgiveness and Adventure in Australia

posted 3rd June 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, Travel/Adventure

“Deciding to become a new person is easier than forgiving yourself for the not-so-good parts of who you already are.” – Nicole Antoinette

I never thought I’d get here.  Australia, that is. 

Surprise!

I mean, on a map, it looks so effing far from Pennsylvania, plus it’s on the other side of the equator, making it seem nearly impossible to visit.  But I’m finally here and Sydney is a wonderful place.

It took me three months and three continents to realize that it’s not about reclaiming my life; it’s about forgiving myself for all of the pain, sadness, anger, and resentment I have been holding onto since I was 12 years old.  It’s about forgiving myself for the anger of my father’s suicide.  For the sadness and regret of destroying my relationship with my mother right before she died.  For constantly being so hard on myself.

I thought the pain stemmed from outside sources, but as it turns out, the pain has been self-inflicting all along.  Sometimes the worst kind of pain is that which we inflict on ourselves.

It’s not about starting over again; it’s about filling the cracks of my broken and damaged life with new passion, gratitude, and love so that the new eventually covers the old.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much of my life has changed in three short months and how I’ve always been so scared of change.  I used to be that kind of person who enjoys the comfortable and (often) predictability of a stagnant lifestyle.  But as I started making bold decisions with my life, I learned that change can be really, really good for you, if you let it.  It can bring new adventures, new opportunities, and new friendships.  Most importantly though, it can bring a new perspective on life.

I’ve been working a lot on answering those gut-wrenching questions that initiated this journey, as well as forgiving myself for the self-inflicting pain.  I’m trying to create a better way to fill the cracks, rather than start over.

Forgiveness takes courage.  It means stripping yourself down to the bare truth behind many of your not-so-good parts.  It means acknowledging your mistakes and failures and accepting them for what they are, believing that it’s helped you build character, and knowing that they do not define you.

Part of this journey has been about forgiveness.  How can I forgive myself for my mistakes, failures, and missed opportunities?  The answer – while it took having to travel halfway around the world to answer – was easy: move.  I needed to get out of my comfort zone to understand why I was so unhappy.  I needed distance to realize that it’s about fixing what you have, instead of starting over.  I needed to detach myself from everything I knew and loved in order to gain a new perspective on life.

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” – Jonathan Larson

I believe that if you really want to do something – whether it’s travel the world, quit your job, or move across the country – then you should do it.  Do what makes you happy, do the things you dream of doing, and live without any regrets because life is too short and too precious to always play it safe.

Today, I went skydiving and nearly crapped my pants in the process because I wanted to.  SKYDIVING IN AUSTRALIA! I jumped out of a plane 14,000 feet off the ground and experienced 60 seconds of free-falling before my parachute opened.  The experience?  INTENSE and UNBELIEVABLE.  And I’d do it again in a heart beat, if it wasn’t so damn expensive (though completely worth the $255 AUD).  It was an impulse decision (and I had to coerce my hostel roommate to do it with me), but sometimes you have to experience the thrill and the rush to truly appreciate life.

And other times, you have to say “fuck it!” and jump out of a plane 14,000 feet in the air … just because you want to.

{photo credit: Sydney Opera House, by yours truly}

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This year, I Want To Show Myself a Damn Good Time

posted 2nd March 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Events, Laura, Tips & Tools

As I write this, I’m in the midst of a post-birthday hangover. From food and good times, mostly. (The booze hangover was yesterday, the day I turned 28.)

I worked until almost midnight on Friday so that I could put my laptop away and not touch it for a full 48 hours. The Saturday and Sunday of my birthday weekend was jam packed. I painted pottery with girl friends, tried on wedding dresses (and I think, found The One, gasp!), drank too much beer, ate too much pizza and cake, delighted in some surprises and presents, enjoyed a family dinner with my parents, and in the dying hours of my first day as a 28-year-old, crashed over some guilty pleasure TV with my Hunny.

Yes, that’s right. The one time of year I definitely know how to show myself a good time is on my birthday.

Now, as I sit here sugar crashing and trying not to feel guilty for ditching my runs, yoga classes, to do lists, and food consciousness, I wonder what life at 28 is going to be like. And perhaps more importantly, I wonder what it would be like if I showed myself a good time all year this year.

Not by being a glutton, I’ll reserve that for special occasions. But by being focused on the right things, enjoying the right amount of fun and rest, spending time with the right people. And one of my favourite wish list items? Creating the right balance between input and output. (Molly gets credit for opening my eyes to that little gem of a self-care concept.)

The trouble is, right now that all seems a little far fetched.

The rest part I’ve been working on and am getting better at. Listening to my body, and making time for cooking, exercising and sleeping – I slip every now and then, but I’m working on it.

Starting my own business has done a lot for the people part, because I get to make more decisions about who I work with and when I socialize. For me, it’s a huge relief to not have to make nice with people at an office. For me, making small talk with people out of circumstance was an exhausting output, as was working for someone else. It left me feeling pretty imbalanced.

But figuring out what type of inputs truly recharge me, while focusing my energy on the right things? Yeah, that’s a little bit of an enigma.

I’m not sure how to get from a current reality to a potential reality I fantasize about; it feels like a figment of my imagination. Because sometimes, it feels like some things can’t be solved with an action plan and good time management. Sometimes, creating to do lists for how to be more fulfilled and at peace feels a little, much.

That’s still output. And boy oh boy, I’ve got the output part down. Almost every inch of my life feels like an output. Even the fun stuff. Because I haven’t figured out how to shift my mindset.

I haven’t figured out how to think of time with good friends as a recharge, not a calendar booking. Or my daily run as a mental health break, not a training commitment. Or client work as a growth opportunity worth getting excited about, not a deadline that’s looming. Or a conference call as an energizing connect with people, not another to do. Or sex as an investment in one of the most important things I have, not as an energy drain. Or watching TV as a reward, not as giving in to exhaustion.

See? Output, output, output. See why making a to do list for inputs feel straight up crazy?

Don’t you want contentment to feel effortless? I do. At least a little.

So tell me, what do YOU do to balance inputs and outputs? Is anyone else out there as mentally imbalanced about the whole thing as I am? What are your tips, tricks and tools? Give it to me, people, I’m ready! Because this year, my 28th, I want to show myself a damn good time!

Photo credit

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Cheers to the New Beginnings in our Endings

posted 26th January 2011    Written by: Nikki    CATEGORY: Creativity, Events, Life Lesson, Nikki, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

I can NOT believe this is my last Stratejoy post.  I seriously might cry, y’all.

The adventure I’ve been on these last six months with Marian, Lindsey, Alisha, Renee, Doniree, Molly, and all of you has been indescribably life-changing.  I didn’t know I had it in me to write like this, to be so honest and transparent with strangers (a lot of you aren’t really strangers anymore!); I didn’t know I was capable of inspiring other people.  I was a girl who felt lost and misunderstood, even to herself.

You, by reading and through your comments, have shown me I’m not alone, crazy, or lame.  You have made me buzz with joy, knowing I’ve helped you see your QLC differently and knowing you relate to what I’m going through.  Your comments have made me laugh, cheer, think and cry, and your friendship and love has given me the strength to be honest and strive for better.

YOU are Stratejoy.

This community has been an incredibly important part of my life these last six months and, though I’m SO sad to not be writing here anymore, I know I’m not leaving.  I can’t wait to see what brilliant wisdom the Season 4 bloggers have to impart, and I’m sure I’ll be continually inspired, by them and by you, for a long time to come.

Since my first post went up in August, I’ve grown from having no idea what I want to having clear vision of my future.  I’ve become more confident and balanced, more self-aware and honest, more excited and proactive.  I’ve faced my fears, learned to love being single, and proclaimed “Quarterlife Fuck Yeah!!!“  It’s been a terrifyingly awesome journey.

Thank you for sticking with me through it all; thank you for helping me grow into the woman I now am.

Because Stratejoy inspired me to make this next step, I have an announcement to make here.  Y’all are hearing it first.  Today – right this minute – I’m launching my new website, The Grateful Sparrow (if you were following me before, it’s different!) and I want to invite all of you to be a part of it.

I’m committing to talk about joy.  Your experience of it, lack of it, the process of finding it, growing with it, keeping aware of it.  I want to inspire you to live a life you love and love the life you live, every day.  I want it to be your go-to source for a jolt of inspiration and to jump-start your daily gratitude.  It’s the anti-kumbayah; your happiness is serious business, and it’s totally within your control.

Molly & I agreed Stratejoy and The Grateful Sparrow are totally BFFs; let’s keep building this community of amazing, inspiring people and keep the love flowing!

CHEERS to everything you’ve taught me and everything we’ve shared, t0 changing the way we look at the QLC, to being fucking amazing strong women, and to who we are and who we’ll become…

All my love,

Nikki

[Note from the Coach:  Nikki- Damn straight! The Grateful Sparrow and Stratejoy are totally BFF's!  I know these last 6 months have been full of twists and turns and challenges and surprises, but through it all- you have remained utterly open and present.  To life.  To the possibility of joy in the moment.  And it's been a gorgeous, gorgeous thing to witness.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it with us.  Your authentic voice and soul sister stories will be missed.

But... As we all know- you've got a new "home" from which to keep inspiring us.  And a big wide world to explore.   And bunches to love to share and receive.  From one joy-embracer to another-- all my wishes for success in any path you choose to skip down, Nikki.  It's yours for the taking.  And yes, we still have an outstanding date to play on lawns, drink wine together, and dissolve into multiple bouts of laughter. Soon, I promise.  Nothing but love, Molly]

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