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Big Life Decisions: The Things That Shaped Me

posted 12th August 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: Events, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Marian, Season 3, Travel, Travel/Adventure

During the final days of Season 2, Molly, Nicole, Heather and Katie asked each other some really kick ass questions. Questions I found myself journaling about later.

Molly wants us to reveal more of our life story and past. To do that I want to answer the question “What do you consider the most important event in your life so far?”

I can’t pretend this is an easy answer, and since no one actually asked me the question, I’m going to make my own rules and give you more than one event that shaped my big life.

The first “big life event” was my childhood sweetheart, K. We started dating when we were 13 and broke up at 20. Seven years of my life were devoted to this boy (we were hardly adults) and being in that relationship influenced how I grew up and how I see love now. For a very long time I defined myself based on that relationship. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and it was horribly unhealthy, unyielding and unhappy to its core.

It’s been almost 4 years since that horrendous, gut-wrenching break-up and it’s funny how something that tore me up then has little importance on my life now. That said, it resulted in some serious commitment issues, an almost-too-fierce independence and more than a little cynicism. So if I want to learn more about who I am, I need to understand that one-third of that person was shaped by another.

The next big event was my move to London in 2007. After said break-up (of course – Eat, Pray, Love anyone?) I left the US on a whim and did a solo backpacking trip through Europe. After years of having to ask permission, I felt finally free. Free to live my life according to my own terms.

I took off to the Amalfi coast on a whim. I swam naked in the Adriatic. I drank until I couldn’t see (never again!) and got lost in the streets of Rome. I visited 7 countries in 30 days and learned how to say “Do you speak English?” in French, Italian, German and Croatian. It was, by far, the biggest adventure of my life. It was when I finally proved I was capable, enthusiastic, passionate and a more than a little kick ass.

When I finally arrived in London I created a life. I studied for a while, got my first apartment, supported myself and continued to travel – everywhere from Norway to Morocco. That Norway trip was also when I met Sam and, as you know, the rest of that story is sort of history.

Thirdly, the Facebook ads that helped me land a job? That small event I pulled out of my ass one night launched my current career and while it may not be perfect, I work for myself and I essentially owe those damn advertisements for showing me it’s possible. I’m also aware how much being a part of social media has changed my personality. I’m more outgoing, friendly, opinionated, and generally chock full of ideas for my future and the way that I want my life to turn out.

Being part of the Joy Equation and blogging here with you fine folk is giving me the opportunity to really evaluate myself so I can live my best life. I feel like explaining why that’s important is a little silly, because doesn’t everyone want to be happy? Doesn’t everyone want their best life? Doesn’t everyone want to live a life of authentic joy?

I’m not so sure. People have been living for millennia without practicing any sort of personal development, so that shit must just come with time and life experience, right? Right? But I’m looking at people my parent’s age – my grandparent’s age – and thinking, “I don’t want to be that.” I don’t want to look back on my life and not be extraordinarily happy. My memories of my travels and loves and new friendships are the memories that make me think, “Dude! Why shouldn’t I make my entire life one big, awesome, juicy memory? Why I am settling now?” But I have no idea where to start. I don’t know what to evaluate or how to define my life in a way that’s going to make me who I want to be.

What I do know is, I’ve always been honest to the point of (sometimes rude) bluntness, but I rarely practice that same “call it as I see it” with myself. I think if I could find a way to do that I could open up an entire world, an entire life of possibility.

So here’s to starting now.



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Let’s Start at the Very Beginning: My Quarterlife Crisis

posted 7th August 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Quarterlife Crisis, Renee, Season 3, What I've Learned

INTRODUCING RENEE

I’m on the verge of something wonderful.


As a struggling, 24 year-old young woman, I experience the minutiae of the quarterlife crisis on a daily basis. Luckily, I recognize it and have learned to navigate my existence through the muck of quarterlife demons—the budgeting worries, the flooded basement panic attack, the hating one’s boss woes, the quitting of multiple jobs stories, the partaking in multiple jobs at once situations, the “Oh my God, did I marry the right dude?” moments, the “Oh my God, what would I do if I didn’t marry this dude?” epiphanies, I’ve been through it all.

My world is influenced by my experiences.  I am defined by some of the most poignant times of my life.

In the 4th grade, a girl named Nichole made fun of my pants for being too short. She asked why I was wearing flooders. I am now self-conscious about every pair of pants I put on.

I heard Phantom of the Opera for the first time in my 7th grade choir class. I was 12. It changed everything I thought about music, theatre, and performance. I knew I liked to sing, but I was suddenly drawn to the stage. Since that day, I’ve been a part of dozens of plays. I’ve spent countless hours with voice teachers. I’ve played leads in musicals. I’ve visited the Paris Opera House (the setting of Phantom). I’ve sung with choirs in Carnegie Hall, Los Angeles, St. Louis, San Antonio, Kansas City, and Dallas. I’ve sung showtunes in Dublin bars. My musical tastes have broadened and my appreciation for everything theatrical knows no bounds.

My spine was fused in June of 2004, mere weeks after my high school graduation. I spent ten days at Shriners Hospital for Children with some of the most amazing doctors and nurses in the world. I will forever have a soft spot in my heart for Shriners and nurses. I started college in a back brace.

I took my first Women’s Studies class in the fall semester of my sophomore year. I walked into class not knowing what to expect. I finished that class with a completely different perspective of the world, what it means to be a woman, what it means to be part of a greater sisterhood, a purpose for my education, a renewed drive to learn as much as possible, and a brand new major. I am a feminist, I am unashamed of my feminism, I have married a fellow feminist, and I attempt to live a life that reflects my commitment to true equality.

In 2006, I studied abroad in Rome, Italy. I ate incredible croissants and drank the best cappuccino in the world each morning. I wandered to the Coliseum, the Pantheon, and the Vatican when I was bored. I spoke the language of love proficiently. I was surrounded by rich culture, extraordinary faith, critical world history, and some of the best food in the world.

Each day, a part of me aches for that semester. I convey it by thinking phrases in Italian, trying to translate as much as I can remember. I attempt to cook authentic-tasting Italian food. I’m constantly on the quest for The Best Gelato in the United States (so far, New Orleans wins).

While abroad, I backpacked Europe solo for two and a half weeks. At 20 years old, I discovered parts of myself I never would have imagined existed. I discovered a love for solitude, culture, inspiration, controlling my own destiny, and dark beer. I realized and overcame my quarterlife crisis.  I’ve never felt more free, more authentic, or more beautiful.

I graduated from Saint Mary’s College, a private, liberal arts, all-women’s Catholic school; the sister school of the University of Notre Dame, in May 2008. I earned a B.A. in Women’s Studies and Communication Studies. I cherish every memory from my four years on campus and the opportunities my education has granted me. It was worth every penny of my student loan debt.

I worked for a member of Congress. I quit after six months. (Thanks quarterlife crisis.) More on this later.

I married my best friend in August 2009.  I know few things about myself at my core, but one thing I’ve always known is that I wanted to get married young. Joe and I moved in together in August 2008, were engaged a month later, and married a year to the day. We were 23. My husband reels me back in, holds me up when I’m too weak to stand, fervently supports my craziest decisions, and leads me when I’m afraid of the darkness ahead. He’s a beautiful person who inspires me to be better.

I start my graduate studies very soon.  Admittedly, I’m crazy nervous, crazy excited, and truly at peace with my decision to go back to school for my Masters in Communication Studies.

I subscribe to one truth: Every decision I make is the right one. If it doesn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, I made that decision because I was meant to learn a lesson. I strive for authenticity.

The best part of my life is the fact I have survived and I’m turning out to be one cool chick.

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