INTRODUCING: ASHLEY

”I know I can’t just sit here hoping that life will one day make me happy. It doesn’t work like that. “

An over-sized mug warmed one hand while the other gently tucked a stubborn strand of hair behind my ear, fighting the persistent breeze. I slid a foot out of my well-worn shoe and tapped it against the cool sidewalk, as if slowly counting the undeniable stars in the sky.

My 22nd birthday was spent sipping hot chocolate in front of the Eiffel Tower. That evening I realized how alive I was. An unforgettable moment accented by the twinkling lights around and above. That moment.

Somewhere over the past two years, I lost sight of my dreams, my moments, and began to settle into a “normal” routine.

And that is not okay with me.

The first 18 years of my life were relatively uneventful and the definition of by-the-book. I graduated at the top of my high school class and attended a medium-size, private university because I thought that’s what you did. Four years later I was left with a fancy piece of paper, but no set plan for the future.

So, on a whim I accepted a teaching assistantship in France. The experience was full of culture, self-exploration, and travel. I wandered through tiny European towns and I ate gelato like it was my job. I learned that I adore red wine, that I’m happier with friends close by, and that I can push myself further than I ever thought possible. Through all of this soul-searching, I also discovered my passion for counseling children. You know that feeling when fireworks are exploding inside you and you can’t wait to share that energy with everyone around you? That’s how I felt about this discovery. I applied to graduate school feeling confident that I had my life perfectly mapped out.

That fall I packed up three suitcases and moved to New York City to begin working on my master’s degree in Psychological Counseling. I felt like I was stretching myself, in a good way. I traveled through Europe, was on the right track professionally, living in the most vibrant city, and my relationship with my then-boyfriend of five years was becoming more serious. It seemed like the pieces were falling into place.

And then all of the sudden my life began to crumble.

In 2008 my dad passed away. Four months later, my boyfriend and I broke up. When I graduated in May 2009 and could not find a job, I moved back home and into my childhood bedroom, unemployed.

Now, I’m no expert, but I believe this is what they call your Quarter Life Crisis.

NOT PART OF THE PLAN!

Slowly I began picking up the pieces and putting together a life that wasn’t part luck, part shame, and part embarrassment. I wasn’t creating a life I was in love with, but one I could live with.

For now.

I found a job in my field that barely pays the bills and have settled into that unfulfilled routine over the past two years. Last July I began dating an amazing guy who makes my heart smile, but with over 2,600 miles between us, it can be challenging. A few months ago I signed a lease on my very first solo apartment and am learning that I’m pretty good at cleaning the bathroom, but will do anything to avoid taking out the trash.

Considering where I was two years ago, my life doesn’t seem so bad today. It’s perfectly fine by many standards, but it’s still not full of that audacious joy I’ve heard so much about.

I have big goals, things I want to accomplish and memories I want to leave a mark on my life, but I realize I can’t keep waiting for these next steps to just happen. I’ve had some curve balls thrown my way, and I know I can’t just sit here hoping that life will one day make me happy. It doesn’t work like that.

This is MY life.

I need to be brave, take ownership, and start living on my own terms.

This is the year I create my own happiness and make my own dreams come true.

I think I’ll start by making some hot chocolate.

Confession: I’m Directionally Challenged

posted 3rd May 2011 Written by: Laura CATEGORY: All Posts, Laura, Season 4, What I've Learned

Life is a journey along a continuous road. A series of steps, twists, turns, bumps, and lane changes; all strung together.

These last couple of months, my road feels a little bit like the New Jersey Turnpike, where I once drove in complete circles for an hour. Do you ever go through those phases, where you know the destination and what it looks like, but your damn GPS keeps messing up and sending you down some side street, or veering off onto the wrong ramp? It sucks.

But rather than feel disappointed about this directionally challenged phase I’m in, let’s simply look at where I am. Let’s try to embrace it. Because that’s at least half the battle, isn’t it?

1. I’m digging for an encouraging, rather than hateful, attitude toward my recent lack of physical activity.

For six entire weeks I might have exercised a total of two times, maybe. What makes this so tragic is that I’m one of those people who is uber sensitive to my physical health (and uber aware of it, making it quite a beast). I get it from my Dad, who’s been exercising consistently since he was like 13 years old, for the exact same reason I should be, too. My disposition, my sleep patterns, my patience, my energy, my sex drive, my concentration – they are all directly related to my level of physical activity. I stop exercising, even for a few days, and they all go totally down the tubes. And I mean TOTALLY.

So, one can only imagine how miserable a person like this might be if they dared go six weeks without exercising, yes? The trick now is to be gentle, and encourage myself to get going, without pressure, performance expectations or punishment. Self loathing does not inspire change. I’ve tried, and it does not.

2. I’m trying to accept that starting a business and then sharing it with someone less than a year later is quite challenging.

I’m realizing that planning something in theory is much easier then putting it into practice. (Duh.) There’s a reason so many start ups die. There’s a reason so many partnerships fizzle out. There’s a reason so many successful business people are sharks. Pushing through the common experience in order to come out the other side in an uncommon way takes a lot of work. More than most people are willing to invest, I would argue.

I’m also discovering that I have more ownership over the vision and health of my business than I expected. I never viewed it as my life-saving raft until I thought about what it might mean to watch it deflate. But a pivotal conversation with Molly helped me realize that I can endeavour to make that a strength – “I’m passionate and business savvy, with insights to share” - instead of a weakness - “I’m a control freak who can’t share or collaborate with others”.

I’m struggling with this new world order of what it means to go from being a consulting business of one person to a consulting business of three people, but the term “growing pains” exists for a reason. Pushing yourself can sometimes make you want to retreat under the covers. In order to reap the benefits, you’ve got to stick it out. So, here I am, sticking.

3. I’m struggling to spend my time on the right things. Really struggling.

What do I want to be making time for?

Running. Working out at the beautiful, brand new fitness centre up the street that I just got a membership to. Finishing my six-month business plan with my new colleagues. Working my way through a book proposal, as one of my commitments to you guys. And in doing so, giving some consideration to my online presence and to how I could be blogging and tweeting in a way that aligns with the thoughts I want to share with the world. Reading more of the stack of books sitting on my night table, including two that I know - I know! – will give me some juicy epiphanies. Finishing the scrapbook I started five months ago.

And among the most important: I want to be finishing The Joy Equation. I signed up at the beginning of April and made it through the first week enthusiastically. Then I stalled.

I don’t think I’ve ever really self-sabotaged before, but that’s a little bit what this feels like. That’s scary, isn’t it? Isn’t sabotage something that’s reserved for the darkest times, feelings and people among us? If I know what I want to be doing and where I want to be investing, what’s stopping me?

4. I’m enjoying planning my wedding, but maybe not enough.

I have a vision I love, a plan for how to realize it, and I’ve made a fair bit of progress, if I do say so myself. Like I do with almost everything else, I’ve readied myself to accomplish this entire DIY-wedding on my own. I can do it, single handedly, without relying on others. I’ve prioritized the To Dos, have committed to not getting frenzied or crazy, and I feel confident and focused.

What I don’t have enough of are warm, fuzzy feelings and the inclusion of all my important people in creating that vision. Because, you see, this isn’t a project. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime, super duper special experience. IT’S MY WEDDING. It’s supposed to be fun, giggly, soft, squishy, memorable. Life is not all business, all the time, FYI. And this is one time where it’s really, really, really important to sloooow doooown and, you know, feel stuff. Gulp.

Even just acknowledging that, and confessing to you that I’m going about it all wrong, makes me so uncomfortable I need to rest my case there. (And just when I thought I was making progress and learning to be more emotional and less bulldozer-like….Sigh.)

So, there it is. I glimpse into the life of a directionally challenged gal. Insight, suggestions and I’ve-been-theres are welcome.

{Photo credit: My 2009 visit to San Francisco; Lombard Street, the crookedest street in the world)

30 Tips for an Extraordinary Life

posted 27th December 2010 Written by: Molly Mahar CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Molly

This one is for you. Yes, you.

I know that life can be frustrating and scary and overwhelming sometimes. I know that pulling up the covers, or numbing the pain with one too many glasses of wine, or distracting ourselves by always being busy doing insignificant shit, is tempting. I know that rousing ourselves to believe that we are enough and deserving of love can seem exhausting. I know that having big, bold, audacious dreams can seem lonely sometimes.

Believe me, I know.

The thing is, gorgeous, that this is our life. This is our shot. This is our chance at being kind and brilliant and compassionate. Our time to love hard, and kick our heels up, and create art, and change lives. Our time to nurture family, and believe in the underdog, and dance naked in the moonlight.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be right. You just have to be as fully YOU as you can be, because that is your gift to share with the rest of us.

Just you. You all of the time: in celebration, in pain, in joy, in acceptance.

And on that note, I’d like to share 30 tips to help you lead an extraordinary life by embracing YOU in all your glory. Get ready to glow, sunshine!

Practice radical acceptance towards yourself and others.
Stop trying to control everything.
Laugh. A lot.
Balance your input (reading, watching, learning) with your output (creating, giving, leading).
Take amazing care of your body: eat clean, floss, practice yoga, don’t smoke, breathe deeply, be mindful of alcohol, visit the doctor, eat less, move more, sleep 8 hours, get massages, and learn to listen to your inner signals.
Celebrate your successes. Celebrate others’ successes.
Embrace your strengths and stop worrying so much about your weaknesses.
Tell the truth. Even at work. Especially with those you love. Most importantly, with yourself.
Set boundaries with your time, energy and money. Respect them.
Be colorful.
Create meaningful connections and nurture the heck out of them.
Save a chunk of your money and give away another chunk. Use the rest on things, adventures, treats, and necessities that truly please you. Be a conscious consumer.
Stop freakin’ comparing yourself to others.
Speak up, sing loudly, and raise your voice if something needs saying.
Don’t be afraid to love with abandon. Love is a renewable resource and yes, your heart is resilient.
Go outside and play.
Ignore the haters. It’s your life, your legacy, your choice.
Explore your spirituality. Connect with something larger than yourself.
Share your story.
Get clear on your top 8 values. Honor them daily.
Find your balance of deliberate action and spontaneous fun.
Challenge the status quo.
Be a hero to someone.
Practice kindness.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.
Take your dreams very seriously.
Act with personal integrity and be quick to admit mistakes. Clean up your own messes.
Cultivate mindfulness.
Seek and spread inspiration.
Fall in love with yourself a little more each day: treat yourself kindly, protect your passions, allow yourself space to grow, believe in your gifts, tend your gardens. Fierce love, baby, fierce love.

p.s. Need a little jump start to putting all these tips in practice? Why not join a 10 week session of awesomeness? You + Me + 5 other wonder women will be starting group coaching over the telephone January 18th and 19th. Whether it’s personal action or professional action you’re seeking, let’s knock it out of the park. Extraordinary indeed! MORE INFO + REGISTRATION HERE!

p.p.s. Never considering coaching or group work before? It’s time to reconsider. Seriously, at least humor me, and check it out. What if it’s exactly what you need to do for you at this moment? GET IN ON THE ACTION HERE.

A Year of Abundance

posted 24th December 2010 Written by: Alisha CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3

It’s that time of year again. The time for reflection.

The time for 2010 was a year of Discovery for me.

Because of The Joy Equation, I rediscovered my values.

Because of writing, I rediscovered my passion for life.

Because of my children, I rediscovered my intuition.

Because of all of these things (and more), I rediscovered myself.

This part of my journey was so crucial. It has laid the foundation for the beautiful things to come in my future. I hope that 2011 is all about Abundance. Everything positive that occurred this year, I want 10 times more of it. Not because I am greedy, but because I deserve it. And no, I am not just talking about money (though I definitely could use much more of that in 2011).

I am talking about love, connection, community, trust, spirituality, health. I am talking about more time spent with my family and more time spent with my creativity. Because I deserve it.

This year of discovery has also been about remembering that I am worthy. (All of us are born worthy. But somewhere along the way, because of things people have said or things we have experienced in life, that belief in our worth fades, maybe it disappears.) It wouldn’t have mattered how badly I wanted success, love, happiness, or fulfilling work if deep down I never believed that I deserve it. And I finally believe it.

Yes. Abundance. That is what I hope to see in 2011.

(photo: the Hindu Goddess Lakshmi, the goddess of abundance; credit)

If you knew you could not fail

posted 19th October 2010 Written by: Doniree CATEGORY: Creativity, Doniree, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Season 3, What I've Learned

“What would you attempt to do, if you knew you could not fail?”

I saw this quote written on the chalkboard behind the counter at a Starbucks in Minneapolis. I think I remember the Starbucks. I think it was the one at Excelsior and Grand, and I think I’d met a girlfriend there that night for coffee. I remember I had been considering a move – I was close to the end of yoga teacher training, and my world was opening up in ways I’d never imagined. I was weeks away from a goal and a dream I’d set years before – be certified to teach yoga. I was starting to contemplate another dream I’d had from years before – live a number of different places for a little while at a time, learning and loving my way through new cities.

I also knew I wanted to work from home (or coffeeshops, or the road). I wanted to write, to help, and to create, and I wanted to do so outside of the 9-5 timeframe. I wanted to allow myself to be creative when I felt creative and to be productive when I felt productive – knowing that an 8-hour work day did not equal the most productivity, just the most hours. And I don’t believe in putting in a lot of hours to look busy. I want to be busy, and then be done.

I was starting to feel like this was the right time, but I was scared. I was nervous about my ability as a yoga teacher, and I was nervous about leaving the comforts and familiarity of friends and family in Minnesota. I was outlining my life and where I wanted it to go and it included: teach yoga, move around, write a lot, know and love amazing people.

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

I remember the coffee shop, and I remember the quote. And I remember almost immediately answering, “I’d quit my job, turn this freelance idea into something real, pack up my life, and move across the country.”

And somewhere in that moment, I started to feel the exhilaration that comes with making a decision and knowing in your gut that it’s the right one. I did quit my job, I have learned how to freelance full-time, I did pack up my life and fit most of it into a Nissan Murano, and I did move from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Boulder, Colorado in January of this year.

And here we are again – on the cusp of new opportunities and ideas. I haven’t started teaching yoga, but I’m committing to doing so by the end of the year. I have ideas about what I want to be doing with my life, how I want to be spending my days, and I find myself towing the line between “dream” and “do”. I’m really, really close. Again.

So today, this day in October, I find myself asking the same question I did that night in Minnesota:

What would I attempt to do if I knew I could not fail?

Teach yoga. Start writing a book. Start teaching skills and ideas that I’m always asked about yet for some reason doubt my expertise on the subject. Stop doubting the things I know well. Stay healthy. Sell my stationary and scarves in an Etsy shop. Decorate a beautiful apartment. Make homemade truffles (with a recipe from Nicole). Earn a life coaching certificate. Study Spanish again. Eat locally, sustainably, and organically as much as possible. Live in Europe. Grow my own herbs. Simplify my life aka own fewer things. Be able to pick up and pack up at a moments’ notice, grab an Airstream and leave on an indefinite road trip. Drive a motorcycle. Cross more items off my Life List. Teach. Never stop living out loud.

What would YOU do, if you knew you could not fail?

{Photo credit – card photo above. Beach feet thumbnail is my own.}

Archive

Life, Love, and Audacious Joy

INTRODUCING: ASHLEY

Confession: I’m Directionally Challenged

30 Tips for an Extraordinary Life

A Year of Abundance

If you knew you could not fail

Archive

Categories

Quarterlife Resources

Links I Love

Gal Pals

First Name *
Email *
State/Province