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The Internet is Fake, Or Why You Should Just Get On With Your Own Awesome Life

posted 18th October 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly, Quarterlife Crisis

I’ve never believed that the internet actually reflects real life. Though I swear I do my best to be as real and honest as I can here (and encourage my bloggers to do the same!) it’s still carefully chosen phrasing, moments of gloom wrapped up into “lessons learned” posts, and lots and lots of undying enthusiasm.  I mean, really, why would I blog about the backache my period brings each month that almost takes me out of commission? Or the fact that I rarely wash my face before I go to bed because I’m basically too lazy? Or that my father once grounded me from life for leaving a spoon with peanut butter in the sink, instead of the dishwasher?

Those details, that much “honesty” has nothing to do with my business and my ability to help you live life on your own terms–so it remains unsaid…

Yet, that is life. My life. Messy, real, and full of daily challenges and moments of grace. Just like yours.

So, what’s my point today? Well, it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot, and something I think I may unwittingly promote, regardless of my true feelings.

Fact: The internet is a land of false extremes. It thrives on boxing you into one side or another- pushing you out of your comfort and into someone’s version of the perfect life. It survives by making you yearn to clearly be on “the right side” of options, in line with your heroes. Bloggers, product peddlers, life coaches, and all versions of inspirational speakers promote living on one side of an extreme, or another…

(Yes, I know it seems like I’m shooting myself in the foot.  Keep reading.)

See if this sounds familiar, sunshine…

Are you a domestic goddess, happily settled in into your adorably decorated apartment/house/cottage on the ocean, creating trinkets of love for Etsy, becoming an ace photographer, while also managing a lover, a full-time job, and the ability to appear completely precious in each and every photo ever taken of you? And you definitely love life and probably bake things too!

No?

Well, that’s okay! As long as you are an adventurer. You’re living a location independent life, blitzing on and off of your social media accounts with tales of new sights, new friends, new ways to make tons of money, while appearing never to work, right? Devoting yourself to minimalism, meditation, and inspirational quotes, while secretly obsessing about your online guru status and ways to avoid appearing conventional? No?

Still not familiar?

Try this one on for size. Perhaps you worship at the alter of corporate success… You climb the ladder with perfectly pulled together big girl outfits, glamming for networking photo booths, themed cocktail in hand, don’t you? No one knows much about your “real life” (even you!) as you make poster child appearances for your company and their brand- a virtual social butterfly, slavishly devoted to your paycheck as means to new handbags, fancy vacations, and high end yoga studios. The good life? It’s yours!

Are you reading this going, “Molly? That is so offensive! How dare your pigeon hole people with such stereotypes? And anyways, Molly, you are totally a paragraph 2 pusher, so who are you to talk?”

I know. I know. That’s the point. Who am I to tell you how to live your life?  Who is “The Internet” to push an extreme version of someone’s perfection wrapped-with-a-big-bow definition of success?  Imagine that life is one of those bar charts you studied in stats class.  The online representation of “life” tends towards the outliers, when in actuality, most of life happens within the bell curve. The bell curve? The boring bell curve of reality?  Really?  Yes.  It just does- that’s the whole point of those damn charts!

People get big online when they have a distinct voice, a specific point of view or lifestyle that seems romantic, or exciting, or perfect to the rest of us. And when you hit “online rockstar status” with a certain take on life, you stick to it and promote it as gospel for your readers, clients, followers. Whether your offline life really reflects it or not.

So, I’m here to tell you to stop listening to the Internet to tell you how to live your life.  Live your own life!  Stop comparing your “boring bell curve” life to seemingly perfect online lives!  Create a mish-mash, hodge- podge, perfect reflection of YOU and all your beauty and all your “imperfections.”

‘Cause that’s real life.

Learn how to stand up for what you think is right, to make your unique mark, to have such utter fierce self-love that you can captivate others with your sheer passion.  Make your own rules- and if that means playing by the rules- fine!  You get to choose.

Don’t forget that life changes. Most of us will flip flop between extremes, or find comfort in the middle, or change our minds multiple times on “what we want to be when we grow up”. Most of us don’t fit neatly into one of the above descriptions of an epic or awesome or extraordinary life…

Myself included.

It’s true that I’m living on the road right now, trying my hand at location independence, waking up to daily adventures.  And parts of it are awesome:  biking along Lake Champlain for hours this morning, meeting hilarious old men who invite us to come canoeing in Florida over Christmas, meeting so many members of this small Tribe at workshops, getting to really practice living in the moment.  But also, parts of it suck:  not knowing where my next shower is coming from, continually being a slave to free wifi, not having room or space to just hang out, worrying about what happens when the honeymoon is over…

And though I adore Stratejoy and coaching and writing for now (and YOU!  Hello YOU!)– I try to remember that I can do something different tomorrow. I can start painting.  I can tackle baking and playing with puppies and actually finishing a 365 challenge.  I can get a kick ass corporate gig and learn how to walk in heels again.

I can change my mind.  I can follow my whims.  I can live a life that is not neatly defined on the Internet.

And so can you.

So tell me, what is your “bell curve” right now?  What’s life ACTUALLY like to be you?

illustration credit : write from karen

p.s. Need some pointers on exactly “HOW” you live your own Awesome Life? Join me for an in-person, live, up-close-and-personal workshop in Portland, Maine and Philadelphia or Baltimore!

p.p.s. Who’s doing the Declaration of You eCourse with Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift starting October 25th? I am!  I am!  Join me?  We’ll get more practice standing up for OUR AWESOME LIVES!
And I’m all about that.  Hellz yah.

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Inspirational Books, Awesome Stuff and Business Resources

posted 15th March 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Stratejoy the Biz, Tips & Tools

I’ve been getting a lot of requests lately from clients, blog readers, other women entrepreneurs for “The List”.  The list of inspirational books, awesome stuff and business recommendations that I can’t live without.   Those tools and inspiration that allowed me to create Stratejoy, to live life on my terms, and to continue to do it– day after day…

You ask?  You shall receive!

The “stuff” and the business resources are always available on my Store Tab.  And I’m working on the sweet ass Amazon bookstore right now!  But this post will have to suffice in the meantime…

Women entrepreneurs? Life Listers? Bloggers? Fellow Quarterlifers? Those wanting to rock their right life?

Take note.  Whether you’re starting a new business or a new adventure, there’s something here for you!

Inspirational Books

Book I Turn To When I Need a Dose of Inspiration: This Time I Dance: Creating the Work You Love .  Hot shot Harvard Lawyer turned writer talks about the ups AND the downs of creating a life of passion.  I have this book sitting on my “personal alter” and return to it whenever I need a reminder of why I’m following my heart and building this community of gusty, real women going after a well lived life, instead of the easy route of “just getting a job.   Warning:  Cheesy Cover.

Book That Reminds Me What Life is Truly About: Slow is Beautiful: New Visions of Community, Leisure and Joie de Vivre.  I can’t say it better than Amazon, “Slow is Beautiful analyzes the subtle consumer and political and corporate forces stamping the joy from our existence and provides a vision of a more fulfilling life through the rediscovery of caring community, unhurried leisure, and life-affirming joie de vivre.” One of my new favorites!

Book That Every Woman with Perfectionist Tendencies Should Read:
 Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: How the Quest for Perfection is Harming Young Women.  An exploration of eating disorders and self-esteem in Gen Y, told by the fresh voice of 20something Courtney Martin. This book really opened my eyes to the damage women are doing to themselves (physically and emotionally) by placing so much emphasis on our appearances.

Book That Anyone Who Wants to be a Freelancer, Entrepreneur, Small Biz Owner Should Read RIGHT NOW:Escape from Cubicle Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur.  I’ve taken a workshop with Pam Slim, author and coach extradinare, and she is down-to-earth and inspiring- a combo I always try to pull off!  I give this book to anyone in my workshops who show a flicker of interest in starting their own business someday because it was go useful to me in my journey from the corporate world to getting Stratejoy off the ground. It is a must read.  Seriously.

Awesome Stuff: Things I LOVE and you will too.

I love Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth. She’s one of my authentic living heroes.

I love stationary, pretty paper, and sending personal notes/ letters via snail mail. I have an entire box of stickers, notecards, sparkly pens just waiting for the right occasion to pop up that requires the Unite States Postal Service.

So it’s pretty obvious that I would be ridiculously in love with Danielle’s notecards.

Uh huh. Hubba Hubba. Done and Done.

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You know when you stumble across someone who simply radiates joy? Leonie Allen (or Goddess Leonie as she is known) is like that!

I had a hard time deciding which of her creative, soulful, inspiring Goddess offerings to share with you… So many goodies. Such color.

This Workbook & Planner is gorgeous. It is uplifting. It is super affordable.

It’s definitely not too late to make 2010 the best freakin’ year ever.

Get some.

Business Resources

This is what I use.  I pay for each of these products because I think they’re the best. Tried, tested, true.

ONLINE MARKETING COMMUNITY

How do you build an online business, make money from your blog, or become an internet rockstar without selling out or giving in to the cheese?  This smarty pants community of people who have done it and will tell you how to do it is ridiculously useful.  Calls, forums, worksheets, real life stories.  Gets my mojo going every time I visit!  See you there?

SEO PLUGIN FOR WORDPRESS

I don’t know how to naturally “optimize” my posts.  I didn’t even think about it before I got this sweet plug-in.  I’m still a newbie- but I’m loving the ease of it!  And the traffic!

SEO Copywriting Made Simple

AWESOME EBOOK ON HOW TO SELL YOUR EBOOK

But Molly, your eBook is free!  Well, yes, the Gutsy Girl’s Guide to Success is free.  But there’s more to come, and a stealth project launch that I’m working on, and this Awesome eBook is helping me put it all together.  Naomi of IttyBiz and Dave of Rock Your Day are the bomb.

SHOPPING CART

E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

HOSTING

And yes, dear hearts, these are all affiliate links. But I know, use, love and stand behind everything on this page!  And guess what?  Pretty soon I’m going to have affiliate program set up for some Stratejoy products.  Want in?  Email me!

p.s.  I’m also working on post about inspirational Quarterlife bloggers and businesses!   If that’s you (or someone you know!) leave on a comment on this post with your link so I can check it out!  Woo Hoo!

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Finding Balance through my Core Values

posted 3rd March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

I’ve gone from one extreme to the next.

The first couple of weeks after leaving my day job, I felt unorganized, somewhat scattered.  I had difficulty managing my time, and I wasn’t focusing on my writing projects as much as I would have liked.

With a little effort, I found a few ways to turn that around.  I started getting up early and setting specific times that I had to get work done.  I closed the door and thus closed myself off from the world.

I worked, worked, worked.

Moving from underproductive to uber productive was seriously exciting.  I got SO much done.  I stayed up late and got up early.  I had energy.  I felt exhilarated.  I re-launched my personal blog, In Search of Squid, got a lot of prewriting done on the novel, and started pumping out blog posts.

I was on fire.

But now, I’ve hit the other side of that wall.  I am in desperate need of balance.

You see, last week, I crashed.  I had been getting up early and going to bed late.  Even when taking a break for dinner or catching up with the fiancé, I had the computer on my lap, and I was responding to blog comments or working on a writing project.  General exhaustion and a lack of sleep then took over.  I couldn’t sit down to write without my eyelids drooping and feeling the need to take a nap.

Now, this has been my first experience working for myself.  I’ve never tried to do this before.  And let me tell you, striking a balance between work and all the rest is seriously harder than it looks. My work life and home life have now merged.  How does one handle this while maintaining a healthy balance of work, rest and play?

Enter, The Joy Equation.

I had been working through Molly’s Thirty Day Guide to Living Life on Purpose for the past few weeks.  Well, let me be more accurate, I’d working on it a little and thinking about working on it a lot.  Every time I picked it up, I felt guilty for taking time away from my writing projects.  I would eventually set it down with the idea that I could always do more later.

Then, the week of droopy eyelids and utter exhaustion came into play.  I realized I needed to slow down.  I needed a little perspective and some fresh ways to approach working on my own.

I spent last weekend pondering, journaling and planning.  I took a look at what really matters to me and sought new ways to maintain a sense of calm, wellness and balance in my life.

While doing this, I sat down and listened to the first audio session of The Joy Equation.  Molly walked me through a guided meditation, then a series of questions and exercises aimed at getting me to unearth my core values.  I attempted to figure out – what do I really care about; what values resonate with me; what truly matters?

In the past, I’ve tried to make time to consider my personal core values, and I’ve attempted to align my life in such a way as to be true to myself.  I can’t recommend this practice enough.  It’s powerful.  It opens doors and allows you to see your life in a whole new way.  What I love about Molly’s approach is that she really has you work it out.  You ask questions, you answer questions, you put it all in writing.

You set intentions for the week, and you find creative ways to really make it work for you.

Sometimes I just need a little nudge, something to give me permission to take time out for myself.  This was exactly the nudge I needed.  I’ve been so focused on doing the work I love, that I nearly forgot the many other things in life that matter to me too. Identifying my core values helped me to remember this.

In looking at those values, I noticed one thing that continued to show up – my love for being outside and in nature.  I really enjoy things like walking, hiking and camping.  I love fresh air and green trees and the sight of the ocean.

And then I realized something – I rarely make time to do this.

Why?  I’m not sure.  I think sometimes we get lost in ourselves, in our daily lives.  We forget to do those things that bring us joy, especially when it takes a little extra time, effort or attention.

So I’m taking a cue from my Joy Plan; I’m setting an intention for the week.  And that intention is simply to go on a hike.

According to Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  My journey is to connect with my true, authentic self.  In cultivating the powerful habits that will bring me to that authentic self, I must take small steps to get there.  This is simply one of those small steps.

I’m also making a commitment to myself:  each week, I’ll re-look at my core values. Whichever jumps out at me as something I’ve been overlooking, I’ll take action, and I’ll plan something that honors that value for the week.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.  What are some things you do to maintain balance in your own life?

photo credit: janusz l

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