Archive

I Am Strong, Capable, and Beautiful

posted 15th January 2012    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

There are a few things that I wish I’d known before I started traveling. The first, of course, is about the disconnect that I wrote about recently; apparently, that’s not an uncommon phenomenon. The second is that I wish someone had told me that I was going to put on weight.

Six months ago, I was probably in the best shape of my life. I was doing yoga regularly, drinking plenty of water and rarely consuming alcohol, and eating foods in response to my body’s needs (plenty of fruits and vegetables, protein as I craved it, no dairy or gluten). I’d finally dropped weight that hadn’t wanted to go, and I felt good in my own skin for the first time in years.

Once I got on the road, though, it was hard to maintain this routine. I haven’t been able to find (m)any yoga classes that I like as much as the ones at my old studio in New York, and it’s been hard to practice at home since I’ve been sharing a room. Though I’ve done my best to eat reasonably healthy food, I also tend to stick with the diets in the places I’m staying – and especially at the farms, that’s meant a lot of bread. (And when it’s not at the farms, it’s meant a lot of meat, especially in Central Europe. My love for that region knows no bounds, but cucumber and tomato – out of season, no less – do not a salad make.) I often haven’t been drinking enough water; I don’t relish using the bathrooms on overnight trains, for one.

The point of all of this is that when I recently saw myself in a full-length mirror for the first time in a few months, it was HARD. It’s tough to write that, because I feel absurd for even thinking it. The fact of the matter is, though, that I have a challenging time seeing myself as attractive.

I’m able to look at things rationally and see that my body is strong and capable. I can do yoga. I ran a 5K in June without training for it, and I was really happy with my time. I walk all over the damn place, including to the top of clock towers and such – even though I’m afraid of heights. I’m learning to play lacrosse because I might be competing in a tournament in Budapest – just because I can. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to look at myself and say that I’m beautiful, though, and putting back on weight that I lost a year ago doesn’t help.

In yoga, we talk about saṃskāras, or mental and emotions patterns. I like to picture them as the squiggly ridges on my brain, each groove representing a thought pattern that I developed over time. This one about beauty is very much present and accounted for, though I have no idea where it began. All I know is that it’s been reinforced over years of ex-boyfriends pointing out “flaws” in my body, of seemingly not being noticed by the men I find attractive, of constantly telling myself over and over that I’m not pretty enough.

It’s an awful way to exist.

I realized something important as I looked into the full-length mirror a few weeks ago. As I saw myself standing there, extra pounds and all, I finally understood the yogic practice of ahimsa. It’s often translated as non-violence, and it’s the reason why many yogis don’t eat meat. I’ve also heard it translated as compassion, though, and that day, something clicked. I’d always thought about compassion being directed externally – be kind to others, etc. – and then it hit me: practicing compassion needs to be internal, too. It seems like a simple thing, and yet, it’s really not, at least for me. How can I be a compassionate person when every day, I tell myself that I’m unattractive or not enough? How is it okay to look at my body and think horrible thoughts about my appearance?

So, here it goes: I am strong, capable, and beautiful.

Writing that feels difficult and vulnerable. It’s hard to read, and even tougher to believe. But you know what? I can’t keep telling myself awful things and expecting others to see me differently, though. Changing this thought pattern needs to start with me, right now.

How can you treat yourself with greater compassion?

[photo credit: me!]

divider

In Sickness and In Health, I Vow to Love Myself

posted 5th September 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Lindsey, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

The trip I took all over the country makes more sense when you hear the whole story. But the version of this story that is easy to tell (Hawaii! Yoga! Snowboarding!) doesn’t give the exact picture of how life really is.

The version that is harder to talk about is the one that involves my newly defined, lifelong quest to find health, despite spending my entire existence believing that I would be sick for the rest of my life.

A Diseased Reality

I don’t have cancer or AIDS or anything omigosh horrible. But I was raised on prescription pharmaceuticals for “incurable” allergies, eczema, thyroid imbalance and athsma. Mmmm, dinner conversation. Or not.

People who knew me in my previous life, the one where I had a clear cut plan to be an engineer, only picked up on these ailments when they were around me for a while. My NEED to find my pills or ointments at some point during the day. My propensity to lotion application on a way-above-normal level. Athsma and sneezing attacks in kitty-filled living rooms. Late night trips to Walgreens.

A large portion of my adolescence and early 20s was spent filling prescriptions, worrying about heathcare costs, and buying infinite useless products from the health section in the rural Michigan shopping mecca, WalMart. I was sick, and that was my life, and I accepted it. For the first 23 years, anyways.

Getting Real

So now that that is out there, we can take a brief travel update to include the health aspects of my journey: Hawaii was all about getting off the pills and changing my diet. Oklahoma was spent eliminating every possible food allergen that could have caused these diseases, and living like a health goddess. Tahoe was about finding peace and happiness in my mind, healing my disease using positive psychology and healing affirmations.

Hawaii was amazing. But there were many times I spent scratching my itchy eczema skin raw and sobbing and calling myself Frankenstein and hating everyone that called me a leper and generally being pitiful. Not stories you generally take home from your trip to paradise. Oklahoma got me focused, but I was incredibly isolated, because all I did was religiously stick to my rice and beans diet, filling journals with detailed notes about my health. Tahoe… when I got to Tahoe and started to look inside myself a little more… that was when everything changed.

Through it all, I found something within myself, an answer to everything.

Self-Love

Love is confusing. There’s Hollywood-love that we watch in movies all the time. And relationship-love between happy couples. And friend-love that make cross-country road trips and crazy stories all the better.

The most important love for me right now, is love of myself. Every aspect of my sickness and disease are better if I love myself. The healthy lifestyle choices, like yoga, and eliminating processed foods, make huge differences, but aren’t enough if I still have a “fuck the world I hate my sickness” attitude. In a larger scope, eating well, and getting in touch with your passions and inner monologue are essentially self-love practices.

I chose 3 One-Year Goals when I finished my Joy Plan at the end of August, and my first one is practicing Self Love every day. Because, seriously, no matter what, if I sit down and meditate for 10 minutes, and I look in the mirror and affirm that I love myself and am totally awesome, and then I make myself food that nourishes my whole body and then practice yoga and do something that makes me feel alive… I’m not sick.

Back to the Quarterlife Crisis

My crisis is defined by my need to find balance between this girl who feels a need to share everything learned about health and healing chronic disease and this girl who is still trying to figure out how to live this health out sustainably, while enjoying life fully. I came home because I had found the answers and needed to find a way to incorporate them into my life. The first thing I did back in Michigan, was get my final thyroid test after having the drug out of my system for 6 months. It was fine. I was free of my ball and chain.

CRISIS MODE – NOW WHAT?!?!?! This is around the time I was to be found miserable at my parents house, trying to figure out what the sweetbejesus I was going to do with my life.

I’m at a very curious tipping point, where I feel like I have found the answer to everything I was looking for in regards to my health, but haven’t a clue how to turn it into my life. I’m confused and mad as hell at doctors and the pharmaceutical industry for putting me through years of unnecessary treatments. I hate the industrialized food industry for creating endless cases of allergies and eczema in children throughout the country. I feel like I’ve stumbled upon some giant conspiracy. (But I hate listening to conspiracy theories and feeling like the world is out to “get us” so I’ll try not to get all “aliens are poisoning us” on you gals.)

So while I let the dust settle from all these crazy revelations and experiences, I practice self-love daily. I curiously revel in the idea of relationship love, but I know, from experience, that until I can be stable in this “I am healthy and I love myself” attitude, inviting another person into my life will only make things more difficult.

Love is more simple and complicated than anything.


divider

8 Strategies to Improve Your Quality of Life

posted 10th April 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, Tips & Tools

What makes up a well lived life? It’s an intensely personal question. Your vision of success may be vastly different than mine.  I may value connections, authenticity & adventure; dream of kids, a thriving business & living in another country.  You’re driven by success, learning & independence; you won’t be complete until you hit CEO & found a charity. Our neighbor places importance on harmony, creativity & the community garden she started; the mailman digs abundance, vitality & contributing to his church.

That’s what makes the world such an intriguing beast.  We’re fascinating in our differences.

Whatever your definition of “the good life” may be, it’s vital that you enjoy & get meaning from the day-to-day while on your journey. This is something we all have in common, regardless of the particular path we’re on. Your daily experiences (your tasks, your schedule, the places you spend your energy & time) are what make up your life.  And in my book, that’s all we’ve really got.  Life.

“Attention is a tangible measure of love.  Whatever receives our time and attention becomes the center of gravity, the focus of your life.  This is what we do with what we love: We allow it to become our center.  What is at the center of your life?” –Wayne Muller

Are you ready for some inspiring & practical ways to rev up your capacity for joy, fulfillment & meaning? Ready for some tactics to improve the quality of your day-to-day life? I think I hear you shouting “Hell yes!”

Way to be.  Way to be.

Read more…

divider