Archive

My 30th Birthday, A Clean Slate, and Striving for Perfection

posted 11th October 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

I’ve always been a sucker for the first day of school.   January 1st.  A clean slate…  But is my adoration and reliance on new beginnings actually useful?

The hook of the fresh start is apparent.  They make me feel powerful, like no matter what I did yesterday, tomorrow holds possibility for redemption, for finally being the “me” I know I can be.  Like somehow I haven’t been awesome enough or accomplished enough or kept on track enough in the last while, but now’s my chance– because it’s a new month!  A new year!  A new business or house or adventure!

I find myself thinking “This time I’ll really commit to blah, blah, blah.  This time I’ll do it!”

But here’s the thing.

1.  Usually, I’m holding myself to unreasonable expectations or striving to check off too many changes at once. So when I fail to meditate one day or wear jeans and sneakers for the 4th day in a row or don’t reply to email within 24 hours, I feel like a failure. (Speaking of snappy response time….  Catherine?  Becca?  Chelsea? Several others out there?  I know I owe you phone calls, heartfelt emails, responses to questions left hanging.  I’m sorry I’m behind and I hope you know I adore you and am not ignoring you!)

2.  Usually, I’m relying on sheer willpower to make things happen.  If I just set great, supercharged goals and make myself do them, I’m all set!  That’s all I have to do!  That’s what runs through my head at the start of those clean slates: I’ll just MAKE MYSELF do it!  But what happens when I’m tired, or unmotivated, or restless?  What happens when my best effort on a single day isn’t that amazing, earth-shattering, or life-changing?  What happens when I simply can’t make myself do it one day?  I ruin my “good streak” and feel like I’m back at square one.

3. Usually, I’m trying to become some turbo-charged superwoman. I’ve always tried to do my best, but something about a fresh start (however arbitrary it may be) makes me want to be bigger, better, more remarkable.  More “perfect” perhaps…   I slip into the mode of thinking I’m not good enough, that there is room for improvement in who I am and what I do.  It’s a self-defeating pattern because striving for perfection is harmful, not helpful.  There is no such thing as perfection!   I forget about all the wonderful things I already am and do, and concentrate on what I’m “lacking”.

So, what’s a motivated, personal-growth fan to do when you take away new beginnings?  When I realize that my entire life is a clean slate?

Well, I’ll tell you!  Cause I’m cutting myself off from the lure of a fresh start.  Life is NOW.  I am NOW.

Each moment is a chance to be present. Each moment offers us a choice about how we’re reacting to the stories in our head, whether we’re going to drink that third glass of wine, if we have the time to help the older couple carry their luggage upstairs.  Each time we conquer a self-limiting belief or take a step outside our comfort zone, we’ve celebrated a fresh start!  By tuning into the moment-to-moment of our own life, we find chances for new beginnings in every decision we make.

There are opportunities for grace and growth in each day. It’s powerful to have long term goals, but appreciating the small joys and tears in the day-to-day is equally important. Whether it’s an action-packed, moving forward day or a low-key, reconnecting with myself day or a let’s play pretend and wear costumes to brunch day,  or a mournful, angry day full of old yearbook gazing– each of those is part of our experience.  What will you learn from those small moments?  How will they change your reality?

I am already enough. Life is not measured in external validation.  The most amazing gift we can give to ourselves and others, is to realize that our life and our contribution is unique.  That there’s always room to shine brighter or develop healthier habits or reach more people, but at our core- We are enough.  Holding to that belief, and living a life of integrity is infinitely more fulfilling than checking off boxes.

As many of you heard, it was my 30th Birthday last Wednesday.  That’s a pretty big fresh start for this clean slate ex-junkie…. So what did I commit to for my new decade?

Being more Me.

That is all.  And that is everything.

p.s. Want to experience Stratejoy (and me!) in person? Registration is up for Portland, Maine and Philadelphia and Baltimore!

p.p.s. I’m starting the amazing Declaration of You eCourse with Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift on October 25th! A girls gotta do her own personal work, ya know? Want to come along? I’d love to see you over there, rocking out with me!  Come on. DO IT!  Let’s make our Declaration!

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When One Chapter Ends, Another Begins

posted 28th July 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

Six months ago, I started a new journey.  I walked away from my job and made a pact with myself – I would write my novel, start traveling and develop as an artist.  And then I decided to share that journey with you.

That’s been the best part in some ways, sharing this experience with other people who totally get it.  Which is also probably the reason I put off writing this post for so long.  What can I say?  I’m having a little separation anxiety.

Actually, I’ve been having a lot of separation anxiety lately.  Two weeks ago, I uprooted myself from Pasadena to start a new life in the Seattle area.  I arrived in the Pacific Northwest after a freaking long yet somehow amazing road trip, and the reality of leaving my friends behind hit me.  Then I realized I’d also moved incredibly far from my family in Las Vegas.  Everyone is so far away.

These days, I remind myself of this: when one chapter ends, another begins.

So, long story short, this is my last official Stratejoy post.  Personally, the fact that six months have passed since this all began, well, I can’t believe it.  Can you? I seriously had to look at the calendar and count the months to be sure.  (Not even kidding about that.)  I left my job six months ago.  I started writing for Stratejoy six months ago.  I set out to work on myself and my dreams, yep, six months ago.

Looking back at where I started, I think I’ve done pretty well.  It has, by no means, been a perfect journey.  But I made an absolutely amazing start.  And for me, for where I am right now in this moment, it actually is perfect.  Because what I’ve realized is this — where I am at any moment in time, that’s exactly where I should be.

I finished the first draft of my novel.  I haven’t started traveling yet (unless you count a three-day, six state road trip through the western U.S. and moving out of state), but I am making plans to take an international trip before the year is out.  Writing a novel sort of took over my life, leaving my art on the back burner.  I did, however, join a group for mixed-media collage artists, and I can’t wait to meet the group in August.  I went rock climbing and hiking and spent more time outdoors.  And I found a great language institute where I’ll sign up for French classes in the fall.

All in all, not a bad ride.  And it’s only just begun.  That’s the beauty in all of this.  The years may be short, but the days are long.  And I plan to pack as much life into each day as I possibly can.

I invite you to continue following my journey — the likely maddening experience of revising a novel, the joy of meeting new friends, the sadness of missing old ones, the love, the wins, the fails and my attempt to break all the rules.  Send me an email.  Leave me a comment.  Tweet me.  (And I may just resort to begging Molly to let me guest post on occasion.)  Also, if you’re ever in the Seattle area (maybe you already are), I’d love to meet you!

Here’s how to find me:

My Blog — In Search of Squid

Twitter — @insearchofsquid

There’s a song lyric that I love.  “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

And so, I’m signing off.  I’m thinking of it as a new beginning. A new beginning for the next group of sure-to-be-amazing Stratejoy bloggers.  And a new beginning for me, as I embark on this next chapter.

[Note from the Editor:  Okay, Heather Rae, I'm totally crying over here.  When I think back to your journey, the immense of amount of bravery, ups and downs, and grace in the face of some BIG changes- I get all choked up.  You're the epitome of a gutsy girl and I'm incredibly grateful that you shared it all with us.  Thank you from all of us.  Seriously, sunshine-  You are INSPIRING.  I can't wait to say I knew you when...

And I'm ridiculously excited for our long, long lunch next Monday.  To thank you in person, to give you a great big hug, to welcome you to this next part of your journey here in Seattle.  I wish you all the best in the world- adventures, love, learning, and success served up exactly as you'd like it.  I'm thrilled that we're going to be fast friends here in the Northwest.  Can't you just feel it?  :)    Love x 30,  Molly]

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