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The Life List That Changed My Life

posted 15th September 2011    Written by: Dusti    CATEGORY: Dusti, Molly, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

I love lists. Like religiously. Lists for shopping, lists for goals, lists to keep track of everything. I’m not OCD, but I do like to track progress. Checking off each little box makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

Last year, on January 3rd, 2010, I started a list that would change my life. It was called 101 in 1001. The idea is you choose 101 things of varying difficulty and complete them in 1001 days. That’s not so long it’s impossible to see the end of, but it also gives you more leeway than New Year’s Resolutions. Count me in.

One of my more outlandish tasks on the list was “Use a productivity system for 30 days.” (So much for not appearing OCD.) A productivity system would help me get my crap in order, and hopefully, my life would follow suit.

Enter GTD (Getting Things Done). I bought files and a box and got to work. But soon, I realized it wasn’t a good fit for me. (Too many files and far too many rules.) I began to look again for a new system to try. That’s when I found ZTD (Zen to Done).

 

That’s when Leo Babauta and Zen Habits entered my life. I started diving through the archives. He wasn’t just talking productivity. He was bringing simplicity into every aspect of life. That’s when I entered the blogosphere, first as a reader, then soon as a fellow contributor.

One of the movements Leo was advocating was minimalism. I started reading about other people trying similar life experiments, and I was shocked. I couldn’t believe there were other people like me so dissatisfied with the the consumer culture that appeared the only option. But they were doing something about it. Many of them were living with 100 things or less!

That was insane to me. It reminded me of a few years back when I had moved to Texas with what would fit in a suitcase. And I had loved it! So I made the decision to do it. I started going through my things, making Goodwill trips, and downsizing.

Then, it was my daughter’s turn. Everyone thought (read: still thinks) I was crazy for doing it, but what do babies really need? Clothes and toys. Who needs more than 100? (She seems to be just fine, thank you.)

While I was doing this downsizing, I had also started blogging about it. The fact was nobody was writing about what radical minimalism looked like with kids, and I felt like I had something really worthwhile to talk about. It turned out other people felt that way, too. Within two weeks of starting my blog, I’d guest posted on my favorite blogger’s site (when she wasn’t taking guest posts) and taken my niche by storm.

I was in love. After feeling so isolated since I had my daughter, here were all of these people who understood what I was going through. Here was this wonderful community willing to share and discuss and be vulnerable. Out of the blue, I found friends, mentors, and more than a few adventures. And how could I forget the passion I felt for writing? The words flowed like water. It was beautiful. My calling stumbled into my life when I was just looking for new things to keep me from remembering my QLC.

Since then, it’s been a wild ride. I’ve released several ebooks, turned my blog into a business platform, and now I’m here pouring my heart out at Stratejoy. I found Stratejoy in an unconventional way these days – I met Molly in person! We found each other at a karaoke bar during the World Domination Summit this summer, and after hearing Molly’s story, it wasn’t long before I was diving in and out of her archives.

When I saw apps were being taken for new Stratejoy writers, it was fate. With my blog being so business-like, there’s a lot a I want to share that no longer fits that audience. I am so ready to share the stories that make us who we are. It’s an honor to have the opportunity to connect with such an amazing group of women. Here’s to another year of beautiful words, broken stories, and creating incredibly rich lives.

 

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Passion, Paying the Bills, and Knowing Myself

posted 24th March 2011    Written by: Bri    CATEGORY: Bri, Job/Career/Work

Like most of you, I have a normal day job.  It’s not my passion, but I like it enough to not feel dread coming in to the office five mornings a week.

I am supported, appreciated, I have freedom to plan my own day, and I am good at what I do; so that’s a positive.  Bonus feature, I work at a non-profit so  at the end of the day I can stamp a “For the Greater Good” sticker on my day and skip happily home.

I skip home and do the thing that I actually LOVE to do; I write.  The internet is full of freelancing independent rockstars, and lately I have been wondering if I could/should do that with my life too.  If writing is what I love to do, should I be pursuing all possible roads to making this my career?

There’s a part of me that sees my friend taking risks and blazing trails, and I feel “less-than” as I hide in my comfy little office.  But then I remind myself that we can’t ALL be freelancing rockstars.  Freelancing is not easy and not for everyone.  From what I understand of my friends who are self-employed, freelancing involves crazy long hours, while fighting procrastination and isolation.  I don’t think that I am the right person to blaze trails in the freelancing world.

For starters, if I don’t talk to people during the day, I go crazy.  I need face-to-face interaction to feed my extrovert heart.  I love having co-workers; love it.  I love hearing how their weekends were and giggling over the lunch.  I like having a boss to keep me accountable for my projects.  If I worked for myself, I would probably do what I did in college; procrastinate to the extreme until I am forced to throw something together at the last minute.  I bet clients would love that.

When I was in high school everyone told me that I should major in English and be and English teacher because I lived for reading.  I refused to major in English (my one great rebellion) because I knew that if I majored in something I loved, I would risk loosing my passion for it.  I think for me, writing and this community is similar to my love of reading. There is a part of me that loves writing because I get to choose it; if I HAD to write I may not love it anymore. I don’t write to pay bills and if I have a period of time when I cannot find a thing to write about, I just don’t write.   However, most days, I do have things I want to write about. and I love that I get to write and connect for the sheer love of it.

Do you ever feel like you should be making a living from your passions?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

{Image Credit chrissymckeen}

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All The World’s a Balance Beam

posted 8th March 2011    Written by: Amanda    CATEGORY: All Posts, Amanda, Creativity, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Season 4

Balance. Work-life balance. Work-marriage balance. Account balances. Jeebus. No wonder we’re so bloody exhausted all the time.

Between trying to be everything at once and trying to find our inner Zen master, we’re consistently inundated with, “Slow down, baby. But hey, not too slow now. Don’t forget about your career. And a family. And… and…”

Balance is safe, comforting, and predictable.

“Of course I’ll eat a bowl of cottage cheese instead of that decadent creme-filled crepe. Why? Oh, because I ate a piece of chocolate cake last week.”

Balance is conformity.

“I hate parties but I’ll go anyway just so I can seem social.”

Balance is anti-passion.

Feel into… the passion in your cells – to eat life whole, to innovate, to score, to, as Emerson put it, “leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition.” – Danielle LaPorte

Balance is bullshit.

If you’re burnt out from being over-passioned, over-worked, and under-played (like I’ve been), don’t seek balance. Balance isn’t going to solve your problems. They sure as hell didn’t solve mine.

When I feel like I’m about to collapse, I collapse. I’ll spend all day in bed to recharge my batteries with a retrospective on Vivienne Westwood. I’ll take on as many clients as I possibly can and spend days immersed in code and creativity. I “work” on non-work days, just because I want to. I have problems working on Thursdays because we never learned how to get along.

I dive in wholeheartedly and without reserve.

It’s scary to plunge, let alone stay there for an extended period of time. It’s scarier to back off and not immerse yourself in what moves you.

Balance is for wimps.

Or rather, balance is for people that already have what they need: their souls are nourished and full. Maybe they’ve got babies. Maybe they don’t. Either way, they’re looking for something else to move them. Balance — finding that thing or set of things — to keep their lives in this heady state of nourishment is something you look for well-after you’ve found full.

Being a twentysomething (or thirtysomething, for that matter) is about balance in imbalance. It’s a time for head-strong go-getter career-building. It’s a time for whirlwind romances that leave you battered, bruised, and utterly smashed. For some (for me), it’s a time for babies and careers and marriage and life-building and “holy shit, did I just blink and miss the last six months?”.

Balance is for later.

Find strength in the things that move you to work for days on end. Find comfort in the uncomfortable nature of burnt-out. Rise from the ashes, you fiery phoenix, and seek to conquer a second time. Fail on, you crazy diamond. Shine bright. Don’t apologize for being slightly manic, slightly depressed, and entirely possessed.

Leave balance to the nourished.

Let’s embrace our unbalanced selves/lives for what they are: unpolished, unpretentious, and untapped.

[Note from Coach Molly: I'm interested to see what ya'll have to say about this one!  I would have to say that almost every single one of the women I've worked with yearns for balance. But what does that really mean? I'm into balance as well, but just not in the traditional sense of a certain amount of hours for work, a certain amount for chores, and then the little bit of time left for play...

I like to think about it as a balance between actions that produce desired feelings.  So if I want to feel abundant, committed, influential, and sexy (which I SO do!)- I make sure I'm giving energy to actions that make me feel those ways!  And then I also have to pay attention to cutting down the shit that makes me feel the opposite (as in fearful about money, overwhelmed, swallowed up, and blah).  Yes, sometimes this means I'm burning out and then recovering, like Amanda, but it's my own version of balance...

So what do you think?   Is balance a goal worth striving towards now?  Or would you rather save it for later? ]

Image by Sequoya.

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10 Ways to Get Your Act Together

posted 7th February 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Molly, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

One of the things I see in a lot of you is this burning desire to live a life of passion and excitement and abundance.  A life full of doing good, meaningful work.  On your terms!  With travel!  And hot sex!  And an unlimited supply of chocolate that doesn’t go straight to your ass!

I mean, seriously, I want that too.  I want to wake up every morning loving my life. I want to be free of doubt, anxiety, and the familiar feeling that somehow, somewhere I’m failing at something.  I want to throw caution to the wind and pound some bongo drums and write a NY Times Bestseller.

You know?

The thrilling part of seeking that passion in your own life is that it serves up sexy questions:  What is your mission in life?  How do you want to feel everyday? What does your big audacious dream like look like?  What would you do with a million dollars?  Who do you want to serve?  How do you want to change the world?

It’s the big vision orgasm. It’s vision boards and manifesting and creating your art (whatever your art may be) because to hold it inside physically pains you.  It’s Skype talks with online friends/acquaintances to hammer out new projects and participate in lovefests. It’s knowing that you’ll be the next Oprah, Richard Branson, Hillary Clinton, Amy Adams, Lady Gaga…

It’s the utter faith in your purpose.

And I love all of that.  Hell, I coach around most of it.  I definitely participate in those lovefests.  And drinking wine and writing and jamming to visions of my forthcoming empire?  Adore.

But…

Ahem, ahem… Creating that life of passion and happiness can be decidedly un-sexy at times.

You know all those cliches about getting your act together and your ducks in a row?  Yup.  That’s what I’m talking about.  We need to build the strong base in order to jump off the cliff.  We need to put the work into saving, and disciplining, and de-cluttering in order to make time, space, and funding for our dream lives to blossom.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed (or underwhelmed, as the case may be) with your passion seeking– take a break from forcing the epiphanies. From burning the candle at both ends. From craving passion in every moment.

Give yourself time to just take care of stuff that has nothing to do with your big dreams.

I promise you- by taking time to get your act together- you’ll have this lovely white space to play within. You’ll be less anxious.  You’ll feel accomplished.   Your confidence will skyrocket.

You can get back to passion and art and world domination with renewed energy.

10 Ways to Get Your Act Together

MONEY: Read Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You to be Rich.  Follow his 6 week program “No Guilt.  No Excuses.  No B.S.”   Your money and your financial peace of mind will thank you.  This is a great program to tackle with a friend.  Practice talking about money and hold each other accountable for the tasks.  Highly recommended!  

HEALTH: Just make one dietary change and stick with it for a month.   Drink more water.  Eliminate fake sugar.  Try being a vegetarian.  Give up alcohol.  What scares you the most?  Try that.

RELATIONSHIPS: Take a moment to make lists for each of the following questions.  Dedicate one day for the next 3 weeks to doing what needs to be done to emerge from this emotional clutter.

SPACE: Have you purged lately?  Donated extra canned goods or clothing or that old lap top?  What about your creative space?  Do you even have one?  Don’t just keep rearranging the mess- get rid of things.  Even if you just tackle one place (bedside table? car?), you’ll feel the difference.

PARENTS: Do you parents know how you feel about your life?  Can you share with them?  Do you feel safe asking for support?  We all have such different relationships with our parental units, but if they are still in the picture- this is a relationship worth working on. Have a big, brave conversation with them.

SEX: If you’re a 20something girl who has never owned a vibrator/dildo, go buy one.  You can even get one online!  Use it.  (Oh, and if you’re in a relationship with a guy and have never used a vibrating cock ring… Big fan.)  If you’re already all cool with the toys, try reading What’s Up Down There?

WORK: Ask for a informal review from your supervisor to see what’s working and what you can approve on.  Share a big idea you have and take ownership for making it happen.  Be the change you’d like to see in your workplace. Also, stop gossiping at work.  Seriously.

TRAVEL: Pick a dream vacation.  Determine cost.  If you want to go next October, how much do you need to save each month from now til then to make it happen?  Start a separate savings account specifically for this goal.  Automate a transfer from your checking account.  Set date on your calendar to book the trip.  I know, I know- it’s boring, but ultimately practical.  If you save for it, it will happen.  And you won’t go into debt for last minute excursions to tropical islands!

LOVE: Have the conversation that needs to happen.

SPIRITUALITY: Pick one — daily prayer, daily meditation, daily walk outside, daily gratitude list– and practice.  5 minutes counts, as long as you’re focusing on something greater than yourself.  Treat this practice with devotion.  Light a candle, create a special chair/pillow combination, buy yourself a spiritual text to study.  Make it special.

So, lovelies, what do you think?  What are you going to tackle this week?   I want to hear it!

photo credit : superamit

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Dancing Down the Path of Least Resistance

posted 31st October 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Lindsey, Season 3, What I've Learned

If you asked me-3-months-ago what I’d be doing today, I would have gotten the answer wrong.

Still living in small town Michigan? No way. Definitely not with your parents! Still feeling confused about your path in life? Of course not! Why you’ve had a whole summer of introspection, you have all the answers! Right? …. Right?!

Nope.

And that answer is okay with me. Sort of.

Walkin’ the Path

We are all on the same path called life. And some days we don’t have a fucking clue where we are walking, why we’re walking there, or, on the bad days, even how to walk. Other days are better. But not having a clue? That’s just fine.

There’s no “Figure it Out” police beating down my door telling me that by age 25 I have to have the answers. Realizing my life purpose wouldn’t be handed to me on a platter took a surprisingly long time. And accepting this took even longer.

As I prepare to leave everything behind again, and embark on a journey into the great unknown, I am reflecting on my past, and pulling out lessons to take with me into the future.

The Path of Least Resistance

I was doing some YouTube Yoga with a friend the other day, and the video lady told us to take the path of least resistance in our practice. As someone who has spent a fair amount of time forcing her body into precarious yoga poses, this struck a chord with me.

What am I forcing in my life? Purpose. Career. Relationships. Et cetera. I have my Big Dream picture. I have me, in real life, right now. And a great long path in front of me, that eventually leads to Big Dream life. Which got me thinking…

Why must I force life, when there are so many fun surprises to be discovered along the way?

So I made some rules for myself, to keep me on my path of least resistance.

What you want and what you get are two different things. Get over it.

Whatever preconceived notions you have about your future are wrong. There is no way to predict the future. Dreams are a glorious way to make sure you are on a path that fulfills and motivates you but the exact picture in your head will likely never turn out exactly as you see it. (Shhh, It might even turn out better.)

There is a point where dreams must be recognized as nothing more than dreams. Use them as guiding principles as you create your reality. Reality is much better anyways, because it’s, well, real.

Your purpose in life is to live. Simple as that.

Obsess over finding your passion and your purpose all you want, but I’m not convinced this is a useful way to spend your time. Get out of your head and experience life.

Humanity is beautiful.

You aren’t perfect. No one is perfect. But on your best days, there is someone in your life who can make it better. Share a meal. Give a gift. Smile. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will replace the amazing value of other people.

Dancin’ that Path Because Walking is Less Fun

Depression has become a natural partner to the confusion of finding purpose in life. When it doesn’t work out, it’s easy to fall into a state of sadness and disappointment. Walking the path, and especially on the path of least resistance is good. But, hell, let’s turn on some jams, put on our dancing shoes and spin down it. I am so sick of waiting to celebrate, I might just do it the whole way there. Where ever “there” is…

{photo credit : mikebaird}

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