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I’m Fiercely Protective. Of Myself.

posted 23rd March 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Laura, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

After last week’s doozy of a post about money, I figure I might as well keep the trend of confessing my crazies going. Here’s the latest: I’m fiercely protective. Of myself. And I’m not sure I can help it.

I’ve referred to this strong sense of independence before. I’ve admitted to being afraid of those three big words (I need you). And, I’ve admitted that exploring vulnerability has been a big, life changing deal for me. That’s true. Taking on business partners? Vulnerable. Getting engaged five months ago? Vulnerable. Last week’s money post? Vulnerable. Having a money talk with Hunny that same week? Vulnerable.

I’m definitely working on it.

But as I do, I’m realizing that I don’t think if I’ll ever let myself be fully exposed. Like, if I equate it to being naked, I’ll forever be leaving my socks on or something. You know?

Because I’m thinking: there’s a fine line between being totally real and open and sharing your soul, and losing your soul altogether. At least, that’s what it feels like to me. I think I’m starting to push where that line IS, shifting it inch by inch. But for me, it’s probably always going to be there.

I’m absolutely terrified of losing myself in other people. I’m absolutely terrified of forgetting how to stand on my own. And I absolutely refuse to share my soul to the point where I can’t see where mine starts, and someone else’s begins.

I’m not just talking in the romantic sense, either. I’ve always felt the need to protect my soul from everyone. My family, my friends, my boss, my clients, and now my business partners, too. Not because I don’t trust people or love them. I do.

But regardless, I need to know that I’ll still have something left inside if the people and things I know were to go away. I need to feel enough strength of self that I could endure tragedy, loss, divorce, confusion, and simple day to day uncertainties and still have some sense of who I am.

To me, that means:

These are my ideals; they’re not absolutes. They’re things I work toward and perspectives I try to maintain. But they’re a work in progress and are most definitely fragile. Perhaps most importantly, they’re where I am right now. And where I might be for a while.

What do you think? Am I crazy? Young and naive? Too guarded? Unrealistic? Idealistic?

I’m curious to know how where I’m coming from compares to where you’re coming from. Go on, spill!

(P.S. Confession #3: Part of the reason I’ve been able to own up to this stuff and share it with you guys is Molly, and her gentle questioning, poking, encouraging, and coaching that I SO appreciate. I love to hate her tough questions; they lead me to realizations like the one I just shared. If you’re looking for some more insight into YOU, or a whole host of other benefits that working with her offers, you should apply for her first-ever scholarship. But hurry, applications are due Sunday.)

{Photo credit}

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Stratejoy Manifesto Part 3: Makin’ it Happen with Accountability

posted 7th February 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Stratejoy the Biz, Tips & Tools

[Welcome to a 4 part Blog Post on the philosophy behind Stratejoy.  We'll hit the 4 Pillars of Inspiration, Clarity, Accountability & Camaraderie over the next 2 weeks. Stay tuned & if you like--share with a friend or two!]

We’ve covered Inspiration and Clarity.  We’ve pumped ourselves up & let our imaginations go wild.  We’ve heard our call to live a life of authentic happiness & found the internal motivation to go for it. We’ve even done the cerebral work of designing our vision of success.

It’s been fun & aspirational & full of daisies so far.

Not that I want to burst your bubble, but now it’s time to execute.

And that takes work.

“Becoming lastingly happy demands making permanent changes that require effort and commitment everyday of your life.  Pursuing happiness takes work, but consider this “happiness work” the most rewarding work you’ll do.” –Sonja Lyubomirsky in The How of Happiness

Read more…

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