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The Easy Life…NOT!

posted 22nd March 2012    Written by: Rachel    CATEGORY: Quarterlife Crisis, Rachel, Season 6

My Thursday night guilty pleasure is Private Practice. It’s soap opera-y goodness, is where I go to watch doctors with too much free time on their hands sleep with each other, drink wine in their gorgeous beachfront houses, and wear obscenely expensive wardrobes. They frolic around, never really working and pretty much indulging in narcissism, with a few patients thrown in to move the story lines along. I obviously watch for the drama, it is not a place where I expected to have a core shaking revelation flipped into my lap.

The main character in the opening scene, is sitting in her therapist office. She says, “I was thinking how I keep waiting for life to get easier. And I was thinking, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe the struggle, the climb, one obstacle after another…maybe that’s just life.”

I found Stratejoy last year, when I was probably in the thick of one of the worst and lowest moments in my life. Stalled in life’s waiting room, I quit my restaurant job and was trying to figure out how to make money selling my pastry creations without spending hundreds of thousands of dollars, that I didn’t have, opening a bakery. My love life was non-existent because I was trying to figure out exactly what I was looking for. I was working in my family’s business, and it had left me feeling more at odds with my family than I ever had in my life. Behind all of it, I had this vision that after you graduate from college, life would get easier and fall into place, a la Tetris tiles sliding down to a perfect game.

I was waiting for the easier part of life. Waiting for the good stuff, waiting for the perfect conditions to start, I   closed myself off, locked down like Fort Knox, and held steady, I suppose in the hopes that the good stuff would just slide down into perfect alignment. Business ownership, boyfriend, financial security, happiness, fitness.

I kept telling myself, “when you get to this point, life will get easier,” or “once you do this, life will get easier.” I think I’d be waiting forever for the easier to get here.

Stratejoy became my positive thing to do every morning. It is a joyful and honest place where I could relate to the women, and how they were attempting to create lives that fulfilled them, and made them above all, happy. Nothing is wrapped up neatly in a bow, where their lives are seemingly perfect at the end. On Stratejoy, it feels like we are all helping each other learn HOW to live a happier life. There’s no easy fix or perfect solution guaranteed here.

The Stratejoy QLC women are brutally honest with their stepping stones and stumbles, over a half year of their lives! I am envious of their ability to open themselves up like that, and I’m here to push myself to open up, share some of my crazy, messy life.

The mere act of putting myself out in the world seems to be opening doors. I recently went to grab a glass of wine with one of my girlfriends. Originally, I hadn’t wanted to go as it was late, I was already in comfy sweats, plus a couple of glasses of wine in. But out I went to the wine bar. Sipping wine with my friend, we quickly struck up a conversation with one of the owners of the wine bar, who was looking for someone to purchase pastry from to serve there. I went home with a buzz and a potential business opportunity for my burgeoning business, where I would have normally cancelled and stayed in.

At the end of the Private Practice episode, they cut back to her in the therapist office again. “And you’d think that that would be a depressing thought. That there’s no end to all the…I don’t know, that it doesn’t get easier. That it just gets different. But it’s not. It is not. It’s the opposite of depressing. There’s a relief in it. Life is complex. There’s nothing simple or easy about it. So, I can stop waiting for it to…I can stop waiting. And I can just live.”

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Wait Not, Want Not

posted 15th March 2012    Written by: Rachel    CATEGORY: Quarterlife Crisis, Rachel, Season 6

Introducing: Rachel

“How do I create this new exciting life? How do I take all these amazing ideas, bursting out of my stuffed journal, and create work that I love?”

“The proverb tells us

That it’s fate

That all things come

To those who wait

But things shall sooner

Come to pass

The sooner you

Get off your ass!”

~George Maschke

I’ve been tangoing with my Quarter Life Crisis (QLC) for a while now. We passionately tussle with each other, both trying to lead, while the song continues in it’s same, now monotonous, tempo.

I wait. I wait a lot. I wait an hour for friends to show up to a dinner. I wait for my job to shape up the way I want. I wait for my life to become what I daydream. I wait for the business I’m starting to magically morph into what I want it to be. I wait to find the one man that will be my best friend, love of my life, and my version of Paul Child (Julia Child’s amazingly supportive and adoring husband). I am so sick of waiting.

Lets back-up and give you a peak into me, before I let my tango partner give me a break, and take you for a crazy spin across the QLC floor.

I studied Print and Photo Journalism at Penn State and flourished. I felt like I was becoming myself, away from my family. Through my photojournalism professor, I scored an amazing internship at the Department of Defense working in Press Ops. Rocking the internship, I had amazing once in a lifetime experiences, one after another. Ticking off the days on my calendar, I waited patiently to be offered a position after I graduated. My last day came, I was given a plaque, pat on the back, and sent on my way.

My life lulled into its first waiting session. I wanted to work in publishing, but no one would give me a job. Quickly my Sex and the City vision of what life after college would entail, became me eating Nutella on the futon in my Alexandria, VA, apartment, trying to figure out what I wanted to write about and how to get a job doing it.

Food has always been huge in my world. Everyday, I get excited about what I will eat, planning my next meal. I even dream in food. Once I concoct a dish in my mind, I go to extreme lengths to create it on the table.

I joined my family and moved to Arizona. Starting to piece together a plan of becoming a food writer, I had finally found a way to put together my loves of food, writing, and photography. I took the leap, and attended a Le Cordon Bleu culinary school.

My first job out of culinary school was for a prestigious chef, learning the ropes under the best in the business. I worked my way through other restaurants, growing in skills, gobbling up delicious food and knowledge. My passion for food became my life force.

Restaurant work is consuming, physically challenging, and well, don’t plan on getting rich, sweetheart, because there’s not much money. Two years ago, I found myself on the brink of burn out. I wanted to travel, go on an actual date at a reasonable hour (not waffle house at 1am), be my own boss, create food the way I wanted without a pushy owner leaning over my shoulder, be the writer, photographer and food stylist that I know are in me.

Queue up my second waiting session. How do I create this new exciting life? How do I take all these amazing ideas, bursting out of my stuffed journal, and create work that I love?

A huge struggle of conquering fear continually sneaks up on me and shakes me into a feeling of being stuck. I realized, after my father was brutally honest with me, that I was, in his words, “waiting for my life to start.” There is no such thing as the perfect conditions to start anything. Dreaming is easier than doing, but at some point, I had to take action.

One of my pastry cooks sent me a note after she had found a new job in a new city. She wrote that she missed me so much because I was so passionate about food. I inspired her to be better, and want more in the kitchen. Hello, wake up call! Where is that chef that inspired a young cook?

I’m recently 30, and I’ve decided to make this my year of not waiting. My lovely friends, I won’t sit alone in the restaurant sipping a glass of wine, waiting an hour for you to show up to dinner. My burgeoning career, I won’t wait for you to become what I want. Business world, I will rock you! Love life, I will not be afraid, and will fully open myself up to the goodness that is there. Haters, keep on hating if you must, but I just don’t care anymore what you think.

This year, I will be living my life without waiting. I will become more self-loving, fearless, and open. I can’t wait to share the next 5 months of my journey with you, dolls!

 

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Life Imitates Yoga Class

posted 7th February 2012    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

I remember the day my hamstrings loosened. I have kind of a terrible memory, so naturally I don’t recall the exact date. But oh, the feeling. I was in a yoga class last summer, about five or six months after my teacher training began. As I moved into parsvottanasana – a forward bend that makes me want to punch things challenges me – I noticed that something felt different. That day, my hamstrings didn’t scream quite so much as they had been for months prior. That day, there was space to go a little deeper. I inhaled, straightening and lengthening my spine. I exhaled, folding forward just a little more than I ever had before. It might only have been one-quarter or one-half of an inch, but there it was. Something had shifted, and I was present, breathing, noticing.

Now I have a confession: I didn’t accomplish any of the goals I set for myself way back when in my third post.

In my first few drafts of this post, I wrote an explanation here about why I didn’t complete them. But you know what?

It doesn’t matter.

I wasn’t ready.

Am I now? I think so.

Five months after the beginning of my Stratejoy journey, I’m getting that same feeling in my life as I did with my hamstrings last summer. There’s space now. Things are shifting.

* * * * *

Five months. 15 countries (including the United States and Canada). 37 beds, couches, futons, armchairs, air mattresses, and uncomfortable, questionably clean train seats. Thousands of photographs.

Have I changed? Good lord, yes.

How have I changed? That’s…more involved.

There are the obvious things, of course. I’m no longer working a 9-5 job. I no longer live in Brooklyn; my residence is still transient. I’ve put on weight. I drink coffee now, and I don’t spend as much time on the internet. I no longer hit snooze ten times when Joan Jett yells, “I don’t give a damn ’bout my bad reputation!” in my ear.

The more subtle stuff is harder to nail. Some days, I still feel stuck in the same patterns in which I’ve found myself for years. Other days, I feel like a new person. I frequently find myself feeling so fucking grateful for people, places, and moments that I want to explode with joy. I’m more at peace; I’ve shaken that stressed-out-hurry-hurry-frequently-annoyed attitude that I picked up during my six years in NYC. And overall, I’m feeling truly empowered and happy. I’m sure that there are other things, but those are the ones that I’ve figured out how to verbalize so far.

It seems that the nomadic lifestyle mostly works for me.

* * * * *

While preparing to write this, I took a look at my values from The Joy Equation, which I mentioned in my second post.

Connection. Bliss. Abundance. Trust. Adventure. Courage. Magic. Strength. Without even planning it, I’ve ended up posting about each of those over the past five months. I love when it’s suddenly clear that I’m on the right track, even when I hadn’t been planning every detail.

Seeing in concrete terms that I’m now living my core values feels really fucking amazing.

* * * * *

Though my time writing in this space ends with this post, my journey will continue. Today I’m on a flight back to New York. That was definitely not part of the original plan – but then again, neither was staying in Europe until February. I wanted time for yoga, tattoos, my favorite foods, and friends and family.

And then: Australia. I’m sad to leave Europe, and at the same time, I’m ready to develop a routine again. I’m excited to meet Kate and other new friends, and pumped to start teaching yoga again. I’m gearing up for summer, kickboxing classes, and maybe learning how to surf!

I hope you’ll continue following my adventure:

twitter: shinyredtype
facebook: pierced hearts and true love
blog: piercedheartsandtruelove.com
yoga teaching schedule: katselvocki.com

Thank you all for being a part of my QLC! And as Edward Abbey wrote, “May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view.”

[photo credit: my friend and travel buddy, Jenni]

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Chocolate, Yoga, and 13 Countries: The Past Five Months in Interview Form

posted 29th January 2012    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, Travel, Travel/Adventure

The past five months have gone by entirely too quickly! It’s still a little mind-blowing to me that I’ve been on the road for nearly four of those five. A lot has happened during that time, and while the big things are obvious, I think the smaller changes are going to take another five months to process. And that’s okay! I want to keep growing and transforming as I continue working through my QLC and settling into my new life. I’m still so honored that I’ve been able to share this journey with all of you!

What are you obsessed with at this exact moment?

Zotter chocolate, yoga, mochas, getting my etsy shop up and running, visiting my OddDaughter in England, my impending gluten detox. (I’m gluten-intolerant, and I have not been careful during my travels.)

You can time travel but only to the past! What time period/ historical event do you go and experience?

This is an easy one! Every time I talk about Coney Island, I tell people that I want to go there during the early 1900s, when it was “America’s Playground”. Coney Island is literally one of my favorite places on the entire planet, and I’d love the opportunity to experience Luna Park, Steeplechase Park, and Dreamland in their heyday.

If you could be any animal, which animal would you be and why?

A tiger. I find them mesmerizing; they’re so strong, and yet still graceful.

Any person dead or alive, who would you have dinner with?

David Lynch. I think he’d be an utterly fascinating dinner companion, and boy, do I have some questions for him!

What is on your life’s soundtrack?

I planned my final yoga class at my old studio around the theme of overcoming fear. This was the playlist for the class, and I think it’s a pretty accurate soundtrack for my life as well:

In addition to that playlist, I’d add these songs that I can’t live without:

I’ve linked to as many of the songs as I could, so hopefully you’ll go forth and enjoy some new music – and if you like it, support the artists!

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?

If I could clone myself and simultaneously be with my friends in NYC, Seattle, Minneapolis, Raleigh, St. Augustine, San Francisco, Vancouver, Edmonton, Oxford, Graz, Vienna, Rabat, Melbourne, Sydney, and Okinawa – well, I’d do that. Since that’s not going to happen, I think I’ll stick with wanting to be where I as I’m writing this: Barcelona!

Who has been your biggest inspiration throughout your QLC?

My yoga kula (community): the ladies who completed teacher training with me and several other friends/mentors. They inspire me every day with their passion, bravery, and love.

If money, education, time, or location were not an issue, what would you be doing for work in life?

It feels pretty awesome to say this: I’d be doing exactly what I’m doing now/about to be doing (teaching yoga, writing, taking photographs, traveling)! I just wouldn’t need to worry about my bank account so much in the process. :)

What was the biggest mental shift you’ve made from 5 months ago to now?

Over the course of my last few weeks in New York, I was seriously doubting my decision to leave and my ability to keep myself afloat financially and emotionally without a 9-to-5 job. Now I feel certain that I did the right thing, and that I can make this all work.

What’s changed? List 10 little sweet things.

  1. I gave up my cozy Brooklyn apartment for a transient lifestyle.
  2. I don’t really mind wearing the same clothes four months in a row.
  3. I’ve developed and renewed so many amazing friendships.
  4. I miss good tacos and bbq.
  5. I’ve learned, once and for all, that my yoga practice – the reading, the āsana, the meditation – is crucial to my well-being.
  6. I drink coffee!
  7. I’ve visited 13 countries (six new ones and seven return trips).
  8. I’m learning to be less afraid of making mistakes.
  9. I’m a pro at navigating new European cities where I don’t speak the language.
  10. I don’t think I ever want to go back to the 9-5 world.

What’s one thing that you’ve learned – in general or about yourself – over the past five months?

I’ve (re)learned just how important it is for me to have a community. I am fortunate to have amazing friends scattered around the globe, but what makes a place feel like home for me is having some of my people nearby.

What would you have done differently on your Stratejoy journey if you were starting today?

I wish I’d put more time into soul-searching (writing morning pages, completing The Joy Equation, etc.) at the beginning. I feel like I’m only now beginning to tackle some of the really big, deep stuff! At the same time, I think that I needed space to get there, so maybe it’s all worked out for the best.

What song(s) will remind you of the past five months?

What is your favorite thing about YOU?

I am so proud of myself for doing things – from minor items to major life changes – even when they absolutely terrify me.

Name 3 things you absolutely love about yourself.

  1. I love that I’m my quirky self; I rock diverse interests that range from the badass to the absurd, and everything in between.
  2. I love that I’m not afraid to cry.
  3. I love that I don’t need a lot of stuff to survive and thrive.

How are you living life on your own terms?

I quit a steady job to travel the world and move to a new country to start a less traditional career path. Despite the concerns of my family and my slowly dwindling bank account – which will be pleased when I arrive in Sydney and also begin selling my photos – I am overall the happiest I’ve been in my life. Even when I get scared (and it definitely happens), I feel like I made exactly the right choice for me, and I love that I’m listening deeply and following my heart.

[photo credit: me!]

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15 Years Apart

posted 22nd January 2012    Written by: Kat    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kat, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5, What I've Learned

Dear 15-year-old Kat,

The past 15 years have been interesting, that’s for sure. Life certainly takes a much different path than you’re imagining right now, but I think you’re going to love the way it all comes together! There are so many things I want to tell you not to do (namely, guys to avoid), but if I did that, you’d miss so many other opportunities, so…I can’t. Bummer. (No, I really can’t. I know you’ve seen that episode of The Simpsons where Homer time-travels using a toaster, and things get crazy. I know you don’t want a world without doughnuts.)

I’m hoping that I can give you a little advice that will guide you through what’s to come, though. Even though you’re going to have certain challenging experiences, I promise you’ll learn from each of them, even when it doesn’t seem that way at the time.

I can tell you to be less afraid of questioning things, especially when it comes to your family. It’s okay to want what you want, even if they don’t understand it. (Hint: they’re never really going to get it, and that’s okay. They’re still your family and they love you.)

Speaking of your family, spend more time with your grandparents, looking through old photos and learning about your family history. Head over to make pierogi from scratch with your grandma, or have her teach you how to sew. Try to convince one of them to start teaching you Polish or Italian. You won’t regret that.

The love of travel that you’ll develop this coming summer is going to be hugely influential in your life. Run with it. And when your dad gives you his Nikon FM, get a tune-up for it immediately. You’ll want to take it with you everywhere you go. Take lots of photos.

Over the coming years, the saying that your friends are the family you choose will become increasingly true for you. Choose wisely! (Mostly you do.)

Don’t be afraid to be YOU. Be willing to break some of the rules. Let yourself dive into life, even though sometimes it hurts. You have an amazing support network, and they will help you through the tough times. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

Last but not least, I want you to know that you that you’re strong, capable, and beautiful. No matter what the guys you date over the years say – and some of them will say some awful stuff – that you shouldn’t stop believing that.

I love you! Don’t forget to love yourself, too!

30-year-old Kat

[photo credit: me!]

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