Archive

Starting Over (and over and over)

posted 12th July 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

Each day is a chance to start over.

Each moment is an opportunity to bring yourself into the present moment, releasing the anger about the past or the anxiety about the future.  Each new sunrise gives you the openness of a new day, a day you can deliberately choose to live in support of your dreams or not.

You have a choice.  Today is offering itself up to YOU.

That thing you keep talking about doing or being… It doesn’t have to be big.  It doesn’t have to be world changing. It doesn’t have to matter to anyone but you.

But you do need to do it.

Now.

It doesn’t matter to me if you didn’t start yesterday.  I don’t care if you’ve been thinking about it for years without doing anything about it.  Those choices to put it off?  They are in the past.

You can make a different choice today.  It’s completely within your power, gorgeous.

Maybe it feels like you’ve already started?  You’ve read a dozen books, talked to several experts, and immersed yourself in the peripheral culture.   All that preparation is not the same as action.  Gathering inspiration and knowledge is vital, but when you’re using it to procrastinate or as a protective shield, it’s not helping you one bit.

If you’re feeling paralyzed or overwhelmed, stop preparing.  Start doing.  Begin being.

Action can arm you with just as much clarity as thought.

Want to meditate?  Awesome.  Get your butt on a cushion with an egg timer.  Like now.

Want to be kinder towards your family?  Great.  Think of one action you can do immediately and do it.  Write a letter of forgiveness?  Skip cleaning the kitchen and have a special date with one of your kids this morning?  Send your mom a goofy present in the mail?

Want to start an Etsy shop?  Rockin’.  Take the first step. Whether that’s opening your account, photographing your art, or coming up with an name for your crafty genius- take one small action now.

Start over today.  And then start over again tomorrow.

Once you create a little momentum, you can plot and develop and set some juicy goals and recruit accountability. I’m still a big fan of all those supportive methods of sustaining a big dream.

I also realize that we can get overwhelmed by all that planning and never actually START.

(Insert me giving you a huge bear hug, looking you straight in the eyes, and asking you, “Honey- what do you want to do TODAY?  Let’s do it.  Let’s blow off some plans or work or cleaning the closet and start something.  I’m so, so in.”)

I’m feeling intimately familiar with this concept of starting over, as I’ve landed in a new city, with a new apartment, new schedule (hello early mornings!), and new family responsibilities.  I’m trying my best to craft supportive days for my business, my sanity, my art, my playfulness.

Some days I’ve failed.  Some days I’ve rocked it.

It’s this beginner mindset–this realization that each day is brand new–that is really helping me.

So what if I threw myself a little pity party yesterday because I miss my familiar city and my pals?  Today, I can embrace the adventure of a new neighborhood by hopping on my bike and meeting my banker.   So what if I haven’t actually gone swimming in that huge pool two blocks away?  Today,  I can break out my goggles and dive in.

Literally.

What are you going to dive into today? What are you going to start?  I’d love to hear.

divider

5 Reasons Why the Quarterlife Crisis is Good for You

posted 28th March 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Molly, Quarterlife Crisis

Having a Quarterlife Crisis is not normally seen as a positive event. I get that. I mean, the word “crisis” is present…   And most of us don’t associate anything great coming from a quarterlife “crisis” or midlife “crisis” or identity “crisis” or even a wardrobe “crisis” for that matter!

But there is a golden lining to this Quarterlife Crisis.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life has changed in the last four years and how it wouldn’t have been possible without hitting my personal rock bottom first.  I’ve also gotten a rash of emails and phone calls from old clients who’ve experienced so much positive change in their lives since facing their QLC (or midlife or new mama or I’ve-been-fired crisis) head on.

It’s cemented.  These times of transition and seeking and pain can be good for us.

5 Reasons Why the Quarterlife Crisis is Good for You

1. It forces to you re-evaluate your priorities. When your life turns upside down, you have no choice but to really examine:  What do I care about?  What’s not working in my life?  What does seem to be working?  And the biggie:  If “this” isn’t working for me, what might instead?

So many times we’re acting on the expectations of someone else (society, our parents, that influential first husband) simply because we don’t know any differently. We though doing things correctly was our ticket to happiness.  Do well in school, get a great job, snag that promotion, find an amazing partner, check, check, check.

No one ever taught us how to define our own personal values or the importance of happiness as the fuel to success. By sloshing around in the pit of a crisis, we have no choice.  Picking ourselves up and moving forward forces us to re-examine priorities on our own terms.

2. It opens you up to new possibilities, crazy as they may seem. When your first (second, third) version of your life doesn’t make your heart sing, you eventually come to the conclusion that your path may require something else from you. 

Something wild.  Something new.  Something different.

Your new possibility is probably something you had never even imagined back in university.  Or perhaps you dreamed about it, but dismissed it as crazy.  Entrepreneur?  Gluten-free Baker?  Stay at home Mama? Movement therapist?  Writer?  World Traveler?  Pshaw.

But when the only world you know comes crashing down around your ears in a over-committed, over-alcholed, over-making-every-one-else-happy pile–you are forced to consider those “crazy” options.  Consider them and try them on for size and find the most amazing you version of you.

3. Sometimes hitting bottom is the only way to rise to the top in a meaningful way. I always think of this quote from Po Bronson when I’m looking back, fondly, on my own Quarterlife Crisis: “Failure’s hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you’re successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever.”

What if I hadn’t hit bottom?  Would I be still be a sales manager in my black suit and heels and fake mask? Would I be happy?  Would my life have the meaning and richness it does now?

I think not.  I thank my QLC for showing me the fissures in my own life, for giving me the chance to rediscover myself in such a juicy, fulfilling way.

 4. It allows you to declare a personal emergency. Emergencies require immediate attention, right?  A Quarterlife Crisis requires attention too.  It requires support from people who’ve been there or are in the midst with you.  It requires you to put your “life plan” on hold, so you craft the authentic version.

Giving your apathy and confusion a name allows you to become the boss of it, instead of letting it sneak into every corner of your life and paralyze you with it’s wily doubts.  It allows you to declare battle, to approach it with the strength of an Amazon warrior.

You are suddenly on a quest to save your own life.  And that’s a pretty special experience.

5. Your compassion expands exponentially. Suddenly, you (the girl who always had her shit together) is experiencing not knowing what to do next.  Not knowing what to do right now.  Not knowing how you got to this point in the first place.

Your compassion for the world, for those who are struggling in any capacity, expands because you suddenly know what it’s feels like to lose control over your life.

Obviously, a Quarterlife Crisis is by no means a devastating natural disaster, revolt, or life threatening illness. But in experiencing your own personal upheaval, you develop the capacity to hold space in your heart for others who are hurting.  Hold space and then take action to help.

After all, practice makes perfect…

Conclusion

Even if you’re right in the middle of the QLC, can you see how you’re growing?  How it’s changing you?  The (ahem, ahem) advantages of having to rethink everything?

I’d love to hear your story or your additions to this list in the comments below.  What else have your learned from this crazy adventure, dear one?

amazing artwork via allisonstrine, it says “she lights up her own damn life”

divider

Apartment Hunting… Not So Fun

posted 26th May 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2

I’m in the middle of apartment hunting, and I’ve realized something.  It sucks.  Especially when you’re apartment hunting in another state.

Did I mention that I’m moving to Seattle? Yep, I sure am.  The fiancé is starting his pediatrics residency at a hospital up there, and we’re making a permanent move (well, at least three years) come the end of June.

In some ways, I’m super excited. I’ve always wanted to spend time in the Pacific Northwest and can’t wait to explore the outdoors and revel in the greenery.  I grew up in Las Vegas, so the idea of being somewhere that trees grow naturally is pretty fantastic.  (Not to mention, I get to meet the fabulous Molly up close and in person!)

Though, in other ways, I’m kind of freaked out about this move. For one, we are yet to decide on an apartment.  We’ve lived in the same apartment for over six years.  And we have the most amazing neighbors ever.  Seriously.  No one has moved in or out of our building since we first got here.  We know everyone personally.  We borrow eggs, hang out in the evenings and get baked goods brought to our door by the pastry chef downstairs. How do you compete with that?

I have my share of gripes about the place that I currently live.  The apartment is small and it’s old and, let’s be honest, the landlord doesn’t maintain it all that well.  What makes up for these shortfalls is that the neighbors are freaking stellar, the neighborhood is safe, and we’re within walking distance of pretty much everything we could need in the city (while still living in a residential area).

Oh, and did I mention it’s like the cheapest apartment in all of Pasadena?

I’ll be sad to leave.

But I’ve wanted to get out of the Los Angeles area for a while now.  So I’m ready for this.  Now we just have to find a place to live.

We took one trip to Seattle already.  The trip went okay, but we didn’t find a complex that fit both our budget and our taste.  Bummer.  (For the record, we’re completely used to this.  We do live in Pasadena, after all.)  So we set it aside for a while and decided to wait until closer to moving day.  At this point, we’re officially back full force in the apartment search.

And let me tell you, it’s not fun.

I’m likely being difficult because, prior to the apartment where I currently live, I’ve had some pretty bad experiences.  I’ve had my share of ridiculously noisy neighbors, parking nightmares and poor maintenance.  And I’ve moved a lot.  I’m pretty much done with the life of my younger self.  I like having roots, knowing my neighbors and feeling like I live in a true community.

Steven’s residency is three years, and I have every intention of moving into a place and not moving out until the residency is done.  I just don’t have the energy I once had to pack up my things and move in case the living situation doesn’t fit our ideal.

Right now, I’m scouring the internet for apartment listings and talking with friends about recommended neighborhoods.  I was feeling pretty good about our search.

Well, that is, until I started reading the online reviews about apartment complexes.  And that took me down an entirely different path.  Pretty much every apartment complex, with the exception of those completely out of our price range, has received dismal ratings.  Ugh.

Once again, ignorance was bliss.  Back to reality.

So that’s what I’m somewhat obsessed with at the moment.  And I’m sort of feeling frustrated (not to mention, pretty darn unmotivated).  But I’m doing it anyway.

Wish me luck (I think I’m going to need it).

photo credit: rutlo

divider

When Do You Know When It’s Time to Go?

posted 11th August 2009    Written by: Andrea    CATEGORY: All Posts, Andrea, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, What I've Learned

footprintsThis weekend was very laid back in comparison to the past few months of my life.

I took some time to get my life back in order. You know, the usual: laundry, the gym, grocery shopping, painting my nails, laying outside, playing in my garden and reading.

On Saturday, it was so beautiful it was the perfect day to jump in the car and get out of the city to relax.  I took a trip to the Chesapeake Bay to try and soak up some sun with a few of my girlfriends. We got to talking about the city, DC life and our jobs. I told them about how excited I am for this blog and to live through my Quarterlife Crisis with other young women going through the same thing.

And then our conversation turned to how we all decided to move to DC (since we all moved here at different times and for different reasons.) It was interesting because lately, I have been thinking about when you know it’s time to move on.

I mean, I’ve lived my whole life according to a certain social time line. We go to high school, try to do well to make it into a great college, try our best in college so you can land an incredible job, maybe go on to graduate school and get a Masters, and then enter the work force.

But what happens after that? There is no set path for us to follow. Everyone takes a different route to try to achieve success. Some get married, some start families and others start businesses.

We all go our separate paths.

Except, how do you decide when and where to go, once you have entered that work force? We are not like our parents– expecting to stay at the same job for 20 years and then retire. So when, if you aren’t settling down or getting a crazy promotion are you supposed to know when to move?

When do you know when it’s time to go?

I talked it over with some female and male friends and this is the advice I was given:

I’m not saying I’m thinking of leaving DC anytime soon. I constantly walk down the street or hop on the metro and think of how grateful I am to be in this place. I have the best roommates, I live in an amazing area of the city, I have a job that challenges me (from time to time), a man who loves me, and a phenomenal family just a plane ride away.

This is where I always dreamed I would be. But, there are days when I wake up and wonder: How will I know when it’s time to go?

How will you know?

Andrea (new) bio.

photo credit: Vu Bui

divider