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Facing My Fears: Toes Dangling Off The Edge

posted 19th September 2011    Written by: Hannah    CATEGORY: All Posts, Hannah, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 5

Last month my friend and I cashed in a Groupon for a trapeze class at the School of Acrobatics and New Circus Arts (SANCA).  A step towards Eleanor Roosevelt’s  “Do one thing every day that scares you” philosophy, I suppose.  I’m not really afraid of heights…okay, maybe a little, but nothing debilitating or anything.  But let me tell you, this scared the crap out of me.  It was MUCH more terrifying than I expected.

We started with “ground training” which lasted all of 5 minutes, were put in harnesses, and sent straight up the ladder.  This ladder felt like it was one little wiggle away from laying itself right down flat on the ground, and taking my 5’10” body up it gave it more than just a little wiggle.  I was positive it was going to come crashing down and me with it.  (For the record and SANCA’s credibility, it was well stabilized and definitely wouldn’t have fallen.)

Once I got to the top there was my spotter.  She’s the one who hooks you into your ropes, tells you to hang your toes over the edge of a very high platform, helps you catch the bar and tells you “Ready, hup!” (Hup = do something absolutely terrifying like leap off a giant tower).  It’s scary enough by itself, but my spotter could not have been more than 5 feet tall and 100 pounds soaking wet.

She grabbed the back of my harness (about the equivalent of grabbing onto the back of your pants), pulled the bar up to me and told me to lean forward and hold onto it with one hand.  You really don’t expect it, but those bars are HEAVY!  They pull you forward.  She holds you back.  No offense to this chick at all, but I did NOT trust her to keep me from landing face first in the net (“At least there’s a net. At least there’s a net.  At least there’s a net.”) My heart was pounding in my ears.  I could barely hear anything.  My hands were shaking and clammy.  I seriously doubted that my grasp on this bar was actually going to hold especially if I had my entire body weight tugging on it.  Letting go with my other hand to get a good grip on that bar was one of the scariest things I can remember doing.  “Ready? Hup!” (“Holycrapholycrapholycrap!”) And then, I was FLYING (through the air with the greatest of ease…Or something like that.) And let me tell you…What a feeling.

So here’s the big question: If I can let go with both hands, trust a total stranger, and leap off a 23 foot platform, why can’t I trust myself?

I know I have the knowledge, drive, ability, and passion to make a creative business for myself.  Even better, I’m well on the way to doing so…so what’s holding me back?  Why am I right on the edge of something awesome and holding back? Why am I still working 30 hours a week as a nanny and attempting to run my business in my “spare” time?  “Paralyzing fear,” I think would be the right phrase. Fear of making the jump, maybe. How can I move through the sheer terror that would be quitting my job (i.e. reliable income) and come out the other side in one piece?  I’m lucky to have an amazingly supportive husband, family, and group of friends who encourage me in every step I take towards the life I want to be living.  So what’s the hang up?  What am I waiting for?  What exactly is it that I’m afraid of?  Besides falling face first in the net (“At least there’s a net.”).

With the trapeze it’s all about timing.  You have to make your big moves in just the right part of the swing or your trick won’t work, but at some point, toes dangling off the edge…

…you just have to leap.  And fly.

[photo credit: my friend Leigh]

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Heads Up! Words & Wisdom from the Outside

posted 1st February 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Molly

Taking a quick break from the 4 Part Series today to bring you some date changes & testimonials.

First, the March Tune In, Turn Up Workshop has changed from Mondays to TUESDAYS, due to popular demand.  If Monday was holding you back, this is your call to action to register before the spots fill!

The dates will be March 3, 10, 17 & 24 from 6:30-8:30 pm.

Other updates: Registration for the February Workshop (starting this Wednesday the 4th) will close Tuesday morning, so I can prep for the group!  I’ve got lots of goodies & tools to get ready, so if you’re been hemming and hawing- time to step up to the plate!  The workshop will make a world of difference in focusing forward movement towards your big, thrilling, scary, sacred goals.

Need to hear it from someone other than me?  Testimonial from a past participant…

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Dreaming about the Golden Ticket

posted 1st December 2008    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly, What I've Learned

I’m a dreamer.  I love imagining my big, bright, wonderful future. And I absolutely believe there is value in having those visions as a source of inspiration & motivation.  That said, being a dreamer can also be a hindrance to actually living that big, bright, wonderful life.  At least in my case…

The trouble with my dreaming is that I’d always held the idea that one day, I was going to just stumble upon that bright future. I ‘d trip over it one sunny morning and “Kabam!”– dreams come true!

I was letting my life hinge on some big event that I had no control over, pining away for the elusive Golden Ticket from Willy Wonka.  I desperately wanted to hear,

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