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What Is Love?

posted 11th May 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Laura, Love/Relationships, Season 4

I’ve been doing some thinking about love lately.

I’m in the midst of planning my wedding, first of all. But then, I’m also supporting a friend through a break up; the death of a love once cherished.

I’m one of the few people who didn’t set my alarm way early on April 29 to witness the most anticipated and obsessed-over wedding to happen in my lifetime. We all just celebrated Mother’s Day – in whatever way that looks like for us – the one day dedicated to the most primal kind of love there is: that between a mother and her offspring. And to top it off, I’m reading Brene Brown’s The Gift of Imperfection, a book about loving yourself (and therefore, others) with your whole heart.

Yes, there’s alotta fuss about love happening in my life these days. Embracing it, celebrating it, honouring it, resenting it, learning from it, discovering it.

Love is one of the most complex, magical, subjective, and indescribable human conditions. It has the potential to bring us the most joy and the most grief we will ever experience in our lives. It’s presence, or its absence, can leave us speechless.

What is love? What does it feel like, look like, sound like?

Tough questions, right? Here’s my take. I’d be honoured if you’d share yours.

“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.”
- Gordon B Hinckley

Love is a verb, not an adjective. Love is being attentive. Love is listening and looking – into eyes, into souls, into possibilities, and into unspoken words. Love is choosing your battles. Love is having the clarity to decipher things that deserve discussion from those that ought to be brushed off. Love is forgiveness. Love is cutting yourself some slack. Love is having perspective. Love is looking inward. Love is taking care of yourself first, so you can better take care of others. Love is being, rather than striving. Love is trusting, rather than wondering.

“You may only be someone in the world, but to someone else, you may be the world.”
-Unknown

Love is cooking dinner, even if its only Kraft Dinner. Love is getting me a drink of water. Love is passing the Kleenex. Love is tucking me in at night. Love is a kiss on the forehead. Love is going to pharmacy, for something that will fix what ails me. Love is not taking it personal. Love is letting it go. Love is coming along to the vet, because going to the vet sucks the big one. Love is cleaning up the cat puke, this time. Love is middle-of-the-night cuddles. Love is offering suggestions, even when criticisms might be more obvious. Love is smiling or shutting up, even when scowling or scoffing are easy options.

“Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?”
- Cinderella

Love is seeing beauty over flaws. Love is celebrating the good and accepting the not-so-good. Love is allowing for differences. Love is finding comfort, even in the gray areas. Sometimes, love is biting your tongue. Other times, it’s speaking up and holding your ground. Love is compromising. Love is remembering. It is also forgetting. Love is commitment. It is also flexibility. Love is co-dependence. It is also independence. Love is about teaching some things, while learning others. Love is being vulnerable, rather than defensive.

“All you need is love.”
- John Lennon & Paul McCartney

Love is kindness, generosity, and compassion. Love is touch. Love is laughter. Love is admiration. Love is saying thank you. Love is asking for help. Love is dancing. Love is being silly. Love lacks judgment. Love is believing you’re worthy. Love is sharing. Love is small gestures. Love is a bouquet of flowers. Love is surprises. Love is humouring. Love is returning the favour. Love lacks ego. Love is respect. Love is worth making sacrifices for and investing in.

Love is whatever you need it to be. What is love for you?

{Photo credit}

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How Does a Logical Person Define Love?

posted 1st June 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Love/Relationships, Nicole Antoinette, Season 2, What I've Learned

Love is what we all have in common. And yet it’s the most impossible thing to describe. More than anything, love is our intangible common denominator.

I’m a logical person, a person who thinks things through, and then over-thinks them, and then thinks about them some more, and some more still – and yet I don’t know that I can define love. And the cliche about love, of course, is that you’ll know it when you’re in it, right?

I used to think it happened explosively. That love was something astronomically powerful that not only swept you off your feet, but knocked you down on your ass and soaked through your skin and became an overarching force that was impossible to ignore. But, what if that’s not it? What if love is quiet and soft? What if love is gradual and delicate? What if love isn’t an explosion, but is instead this calm feeling you get when you wake up one Wednesday morning and realize that there’s no where else you’d rather be than next to this person whose quirks make you laugh until you can’t breathe? What if, more than anything, love isn’t what all the romantic comedies have made us believe it is?

Over the past six years, I’ve thought a lot about love. I’ve defined it, I’ve been in it and out of it, I’ve thought I was in it and then realized that I wasn’t, I’ve wanted it, not wanted, and on and on.

Lately, I think I’ve stopped trying to define it and have started to believe that being in love is about more than just explosive emotion. And yet, it’s also about more than just finding someone to coexist with in the same space at the same time. Love is about finding someone who lights even your tiniest parts on fire, and everyone’s tiny parts are different. It’s about finding someone who makes you more you, who will even surprise you every now and then by knowing you better than you know yourself.

For me, it’s about finding someone who is as enthusiastic about cheese plates as I am, someone who thinks that when it comes to laughter, sex, and alcoholic drinks, the more intense the better. Love, for me, needs to be somewhat spontaneous, I need someone who will just up and take me on a cruise. Someone who won’t tease me because I have to wash things in a specific order in the shower (shampoo, face, conditioner, body), or who won’t laugh (too hard) when I’m hungover and can’t do anything except lay on one side with my eyes closed and ask repeatedly for someone to squeeze my head.

And you know what? Even after all the thought and the over-thought, after all the defining and the re-defining, what I want from love is actually quite simple: I want (as Chelsea said) a safe place to rest my lips. I want someone who will keep me in his heart because that’s where I’ll be warm and safe. I want someone who will look at me when I’m at my messiest and kiss me on the forehead, someone who thinks I’m lovely in the morning, and at night, and during all the in between times. I want someone who isn’t afraid to live, really live, who identifies what he wants from life and then demands it, loudly and without hesitation.

I want someone who won’t tell me that I’m his everything, because he has a full life of things that don’t revolve entirely around me. I want someone who can handle me, who can tame me in a way, simply by running his fingers down my spine and settling his hand on my lower back. Someone who knows how much I like to be whispered to and who isn’t scared off when I’m crying. Someone who can sense when I’m overwhelmed, who just knows when life is too much and who will, in those moments, stand close enough to me to block everything else out.

photo credit: le vent le cri

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