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Making Weird the Norm One Blog Post at a Time

posted 14th September 2011    Written by: Laurenne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Laurenne, Life Lesson, What I've Learned

“Why do you blog?”

Sometimes people ask that with a condescending smirk. A blogger: hmpf. We sort of have bad reputations. We spend hours writing about our lives, sprinkling pictures of ourselves all over the internet and basking in the glory of our comments. It seems pretty narcissistic to some people, and sometimes it is.

I’m the first to admit to feeling really cool when I come back to my blog, Humans are Funny, and see that people have read it (I promise I wont’ be plugging my blog in every post!).

So, when I heard about the call for Stratejoy bloggers, I had to really sit down and think about why I felt such an urge to apply. Molly was asking us to spend lots of time per week writing about the intimate details of our lives. I was applying to be a double blogger, which could stamp me with the label ‘double narcissist!’

But I couldn’t NOT share my story with such a unique community of people.

The need to share my life’s events goes waaaaay back to junior high. Back then, my life’s goal was to fit in. I would have been happy to be completely unrecognizable among my peers. That’s because I felt nothing like my peers.  I was the only girl within my friends who had divorced parents and a working mom. Divorce is all the rage now,  but it wasn’t well accepted in my very Catholic town back then. To make it worse, my mom didn’t know how to french braid my hair, and she didn’t have the money to buy me cool LA Gear fashions like the other girls had. This was horrifying to the 12-year-old me. As an adult, I’d like to slap that 12-year-old me, but at the time, I felt like an absolute misfit.

Then, when I was sixteen, my dad killed himself. Besides the whole devastating loss of a father thing, I thought this meant I was definitely a freak. I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone like me. While my friends worked on their cheerleading moves and talked about ponytails, I was dealing with guilt and shame and a whole bunch of feelings I didn’t understand. And I felt like I could never bring them up. Why would a friend want to talk to me about my feelings when they could talk about the most recent Boyz II Men song? I felt like I should just shut up about my story, remain alone, and never show anyone my true feelings.

This was before the internet. Sure, we had a computer and some random chat rooms to infiltrate, but this was a time when people still looked forward to those AOL CDs that arrived in the mail. There were no blogs or search engines. I had no idea that other people like me existed. I assumed everyone was perfect except me and my stained life.

And that’s because people don’t talk about their stories. I was comparing myself to people I knew nothing about. If I had delved deeper into the families of my friends, I would have seen that some had money problems and some had infidelity issues and some parents didn’t even sleep in the same beds. But we all keep these “unacceptable” parts to ourselves. We all hold them in and lock them to our insides with shame.

After researching the average childhood later on (read: getting drunk with college friends and divulging all the goods), I realized that most people felt different and weird growing up. Most people felt somewhat alone. Most people grew up feeling that they had to hide some part of them. If we had only just talked about it, we wouldn’t have felt alone!

I decided that telling my story and being completely honest about my life would help others feel less alone and help them to see that nobody is perfect, that we’re all oddly imperfect together. I feel like the more we talk about what is REALLY going on in our lives, the less alone we feel. The more we admit to our taboos, the less they feel taboo. The more we all are honest with each other, the more normal we all feel.

That’s why I’m here and that’s why I respect Stratejoy. Instead of going through this strange, uncertain part of life alone, Molly has created a space where we can feel like we’re in it together. Because we are. There are so many of us and nobody has to feel alone EVER.

If sharing my QLC angst with you helps you to feel less alone, I’m doing it. If telling you about my strange patch of grey pubic hairs makes you feel less weird, I’m in. If admitting to you that I have serious conversations with myself out loud every night makes you feel more normal, okay!

Because really we’re all similar humans dressed in beautifully unique packages. And none of us are alone. I’d love for some of my words to help others realize that. And that, I think, is the opposite of narcissism. (Hoping that you’ll like me after you read this, though, is not. Please like me!).

Plus, for selfish reasons, I don’t want to be alone! I need a strong community of women to push me back up to the ledge I’ve been reaching for for years. I am so excited to give and receive encouragement, love, validation and respect. I’ve spent so much time trying to make others feel less alone, and this experience is my own chance to feel less alone. It will be a lesson in receiving. I get teary-eyed just thinking about these next five months. Thank you to this fabulous community in advance.


[Photo credit : istock]

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Who the heck is blogging at Stratejoy?

posted 7th July 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Quarterlife Crisis, Stratejoy the Biz

I bet you know the answer to this question!  Who is blogging at Stratejoy?  It’s you, Molly Hoyne, it’s you!  And you’d be right for now.

But we’ve got an exciting new adventure upon us.  I’m thrilled to introduce you to 4 amazing women — Robyn, Kendra, Andrea & Marisa — who will be blogging about their Quarterlife Crisis in real time.  They are allowing us to be part of their journey as they tackle unemployment, big moves, soul sucking jobs, relationships, finding joy, staying true & all the other wild experiences that go along with being a quarter lifer.

Robyn, Chicago, Quarterlife Crisis seeking Happiness

Kendra, Montreal, Quarterlife Crisis seeking Happiness

Andrea's Bio,jpg

Marisa, Portland, Quarterlife Crisis Seeking Happiness

Today’s quarter lifers (20 & early 30somethings) grew up with the promise we could be anything we wanted to be and if we worked hard enough, have it “all”.  Sounds incredibly exciting, right?

Unfortunately, many of us feel disappointed, lost or disconnected when the real world kicks in because we had internalized those expectations. When the safety of school is over/glamor of our first job ends/serious relationship breaks up, we feel a sense of crisis because we definitely don’t have it “all”.

And we don’t have a clue what to do about it…

These woman are gutsy.  I give huge props to these 4 honest, clever, down-to-earth gals.  They’re helping spread the word that the Quarterlife Crisis happens to the best of us and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that fact.  They’re helping challenge the stigma that this “crisis” is considered a failure and that somehow we could have avoided it, if only we had everything figured out.

Those of us who have experienced/are experiencing a QLC haven’t failed.  We are not selfish Gen Yers wallowing in some perceived notion that life should be handed to us on golden platter.  We’re not blaming our parents & our education for encouraging us to go after it all.

We’re simply admitting we don’t have it “figured out” at a time in our lives when we thought we would.

We are courageous enough to admit that the life we wake up to every morning isn’t actually the one we want.  We are ballsy enough to take stock of our life & seek clarity about how we really want to show up in the world.  We are gutsy enough to take control of our happiness.

And as long as you don’t allow your Quarterlife Criris to take you down and out, you will be all the stronger, healthier & happier for it.  It will force you to really think about your life, to challenge expectations & to carve out your own definition of success. These 4 women — Robyn, Kendra, Andrea & Marisa– are living proof of that.  So who are these mysterious characters?  You’ll get to know them soon enough!

The first post will be going live on Monday, July 13 and the schedule will look like this:

Monday- Robyn
Tuesday-Kendra
Wednesday-Andrea
Thursday-Marisa

Of course, I’ll still be blogging!  I’ll be sharing my own experience, as well as the strategies for joy, inspiration & hip happenings whenever it strikes my fancy, but most definitely on Fridays.

And I will definitely be chiming in on the comments of the QLC post’s- so join the discussion!

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